


Colliding with Fate

by Pbroken



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Dark Past, Dirty Talk, F/M, Healing Sex, One of My Favorites, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Secret Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:33:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pbroken/pseuds/Pbroken
Summary: Isabella and Edward find themselves fighting against fate when they become neighbors after a one night stand. Edward's got problems, and Isabella can't stop thinking about him. How long can they deny what is surely meant to be? AU/AH TRIGGER WARNING FOR EXTREMELY DARK CONTENT Dirty/Playboy Edward Reviews are greatly appreciated
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Kudos: 12





	1. Tempting Fate

Chapter 1

Tempting Fate

"There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed." ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

BPOV

Today is the last day of senior year. I, Isabella Swan, have spent the last four years of my life having quiet lunches spent in the library, passing innocent notes with Angela Weber, spending hours doing homework and had enough A's to make any valedictorian happy. So why am I not happy? The answer is simple, Edward "the Adonis" Cullen. The name alone makes my breath hitch and my knees wobble.

Ugh! Get over him, Isabella, it's not like you're ever going to see him again after graduation, besides you haven't gotten up the courage to mutter one word to him in the past four years.

It's true, even though he gives me the occasional crooked smile or winks in my direction, I have never found the courage to speak to him. I'm not the first girl he's winked or smiled at, and it's clear that he's way out of my league. He's much better suited for a stuck up plastic like Tanya Denali, the school's homecoming queen and revolving door, a.k.a. slutzilla. Edward, Forks High School resident trouble maker and bad ass extraordinaire, has been invading my thoughts since day one of freshman year. He had style even back then, a way with the ladies, and a knack for getting himself noticed.

_I was running late to home room, dashing through hall ways as the bell rang out its final rings. Charlie, my dad, had apparently not gotten the parenting handbook, and forgotten to wake me up. I realized he was busy getting ready for work, pulling on his police uniform and gearing up for another day as Chief of Police, so I really couldn't blame it on him. Besides, my mom had neglected to inform him to get me an alarm clock. You would think she would mention that before sending me to move in with a man who hadn't seen me since I was 10 and afraid to go to bed without a nightlight. So, there I was scrambling down the hall, late on my first day._

_I whipped around the corner and barely missed smacking in to the wall, or so I thought. My bag flew across the hall, my books hit the floor with a thud, and my head hit something, not the wall, but something else entirely, well someone actually. I rubbed my head in my hand, squeezing my eyes shut from the pain._

_"Ow, shit," a voice hissed, velvety smooth like chocolate._

_My eyes opened, and I let in a sharp gasp as I gazed at the creature before me. Jeans, black tee shirt, lean tone chest, somewhat pale skin, chiseled jaw, perfect lips, eyes the most entrancing shade of emerald green, and the sexiest tousled bronze hair I had ever seen. I stood there, mouth agape a bit, knees shaking. The sex god took one look at me, and a sly smile found it's way to his face, his hand moved up to rest on my cheek, his eyes sparkled with earnest as he leaned forward._

_I braced myself, not knowing what I should expect. My heart pounded like it was trying to escape from my chest, my stomach in knots. His face came closer to mine and I closed my eyes as I held my breath in anticipation of what was coming. I felt a caress of fingers on my cheek as soft warm lips embraced mine, and just like that my world changed. My lips tingled as warmth enveloped my body, a heat so intense I thought I would burst in to flame. A small involuntary moan escaped my lips, and then just as quickly as it had begun it ended._

_"Welcome to Forks High, Isabella, and watch where you're going next time, because I have a tendency to be quite aggressive when I'm angry," he whispered, and his hot breath blew across my face, the smell of honey and cinnamon hitting me like a ton of bricks._

_I was left speechless, gawking at the god in awe. As he slid against the wall to get pass me his hand glided from my cheek to my neck, and then off my shoulder, leaving a tingling trail of heat in its wake. He strolled away, and just like that Edward Cullen became the star of my fantasies._

I take a deep breath, coming out of my flashback with my heart pumping furiously in my chest. Peering up at the clock, I watch the second hand tick away. Silently, I count off the last few moments of my high school experience, the last of my time worshiping Edward Cullen, the beginning of a whole new life and a new Isabella. This fall I'll be Bella Swan, freshman at Stanford University in beautiful sunny California, and today, I meet my future room mates.

The bell goes off, and I dart out of the classroom, heading towards the court yard in the middle of campus. Taking a seat on a bench, I look around the crowd trying to detect anyone coming my way. They should be here soon, the two girls I would be sharing a house with. Two girls who surprisingly were moving to Palo Alto not to attend Stanford, but a local fashion and design college. I pull the print out from my pocket, scanning the Craigslist ad for what seems like the 40 billionth time.

_Roommate Needed Palo Alto, CA_

_Two 18 year old girls attending The Art Institute of California looking for a roommate for three bedrooms, four bathroom house just minutes from the beach! Please contact ASAP if interested._

I sent them a reply e-mail a few days ago and found out that they were students at Forks High School. I had been dying to meet them ever since. I start running my fingers through my dark brown locks, twisting and twirling my hair as I bite on my lip anxiously and stare at the ground. Foot steps approach me, and without any warning, I'm pulled into a tight embrace as a squeal vibrates my ear drum. When the arms release me I can barely believe what I'm seeing.

Right in front of me stands Rosalie Hale and Alice Cullen. Yes, that's right Cullen, as in Edward Cullen's twin sister. You have got to be kidding me? Alice's short, pixie, black hair is spiked, her black ruffle skirt is blowing in the light breeze. The white button up shirt she's wearing is covered with a black vest and her Mary Jane shoes make her look like a punk rock star, which is a contrast in every way to Rosalie's summer model look. Rosalie's long blonde hair flows out in loose wavy curls over her red halter top and white short shorts as her ice cold blue eyes throw me for a whirlwind.

"I can't wait to move to California, Isabella; we are going to have so much fun!" Alice announces, bouncing a little with excitement, her shocking green eyes reminding me so much of Edward's.

"Um, yeah, you can call me Bella. I'm trying to drop the whole Isabella thing so maybe I can fit in better at Stanford," I murmur.

Rosalie's face turns into a twisted grin when she hears the word Stanford. Her gaze intimidates me so I focus my attention back on Alice, who seems to have her face contorted into a mixture of excitement and terror. It almost looks like she's dying to say something.

"Alright, well Bella, we're having a party tomorrow night at Alice's house after graduation, kind of a so long to high school bash, and we want you to come," Rosalie says, simple and straight forward. I nod my head, unable to think of anything else to do. "Good, we'll be at your house in the morning to help you get ready, and right after graduation you'll ride with us there."

Rosalie pulls Alice away as she waves goodbye, looking as if she's about to spontaneously combust. Strange girls…

I take my beat up old Chevy pickup home, and just as I'm about to pull in to the drive way I notice Jacob's VW rabbit. Great… The last person I want to see right now is my ex boyfriend. His dad and my dad have been best friends for ages, and even though we broke up more than 8 months ago I still have to deal with Jake coming around all the time. I open the front door, and there he is, sitting on the couch with his arm wrapped around the two bit skank he left me for, Leah Clearwater. His tan Native American skin a perfect match to hers, their eyes and hair both the same intense brown, his cropped short and hers long and straight. Sue pokes her head out from the kitchen with a big smile when she hears the front door.

"I just made some cookies if you want some, dear," Sue says, before turning to see Jake and Leah cuddled up on the couch. "Have some respect for you sister, Leah, go hang out at Jake's or something."

Oh, did I forget to mention that Leah just so happens to be my step sister since her mother became Mrs. Sue Swan? She lets out a huff of air and grabs Jake's hand, pulling him off the couch and out the front door. Jake gives me an apologetic smile, but I just shoot him a glare. Taking my virginity and then leaving me for my step sister makes him one of my most hated people in the universe. We used to be best friends, lovers, a great couple, before my dad met Sue and Leah came in to the picture. Charlie deserves Sue so it's not like I can be angry at him. No, I know exactly who to blame, Leah and Jake. That's one other great thing about going to California, I get away from the two of them.

Walking in to the kitchen, I go to reach for a cookie just as a tan hand snatches it from the plate.

"Jesus, Seth, I'm sure you've already had what? Ten?" I say, giving him a shove with a smirk on my face.

Seth may be 15, but the boy eats like food is going out of style. Most of the time he does it just to piss off Jake, who comes in here and eats like he owns the place. Jake may be 17, same age as Leah, but that doesn't stop him from being a childish pig. My step brother hands me the cookie with a grin on his face, some of his brown hair falling in front of his intense brown eyes. I give him a smile in return, and then head up the stairs to read for a while, hoping to get some alone time before the wicked step sister returns.

I take in the room, covered in clothes from another one of Leah's closet raids. Could she be anymore of an inconsiderate bitch? I toss the clothes on her bed, making sure to stuff a few of her favorites shirts in the crack between her bed and the wall so she'll have trouble finding them. When I'm thoroughly satisfied with my work, I knock over the picture of her and Jake on her night stand and head over to my side of the room. I flop on to my purple comforter with my copy of today's book of choice, Dracula, and make an attempt to block out the rest of the word. After a while my eyes start to feel heavy, and I let sleep take me.

The morning light that streams through the window hits my face, but that's not what wakes me up. What wakes me up is the sound of a very enthusiastic voice ringing in my ears.

"Get up, Bella!" Alice's high pitched voice says, and I groan as I lift the blanket of my face. "It's time to get you ready for the most important day of your life."

"Could you shut the hell up? I was up late and I'm trying to sleep over here," Leah groans, from the other side of the room.

"Can it, you whore. Maybe if you didn't spend all evening with your legs around your neck you wouldn't be so tired," I snip back, grabbing a pillow and tossing it across the room, right in to her face.

She goes to throw the pillow back at me, but then her eyes land on Rosalie, who is glaring at her with the look of death. Leah scrambles to her feet and rushes to the bathroom, terrified. I look at Rosalie, she just shrugs her shoulders as if she has no idea why Leah suddenly bolted from the room. I let out a small laugh and Rosalie smiles at me, not an intimidating smile, but one that's warm and comforting.

After a few seconds she looks away, concentrating on straightening her white skirt and blue top in my full length mirror. Alice, who has surprisingly been quietly watching the exchange, bounces on her toes, wearing some frilly black dress and holding a hanger with a one shoulder midnight blue dress on it. It looks tight, and I have to admit I'm more than a tad bit frightened that it won't fit. I hear a car pull up outside, and peer out the window to see Jake taking off with Leah, who's still in her pajamas. All of us have a good laugh at her expense before I grab the dress and head for the bathroom.

Surprisingly, the dress does fit, and when I pull it on Alice and Rosalie give it the green light. They attack me with curling irons and make up, poking and prodding at me for half the day as they prattle on about boys. Turns out that Rosalie's twin, Jasper Hale, has been dating Alice well over two years and is moving down to California to stay close to her. His parents, being filthy rich since their both big shot lawyers, have paid for a new science building at Stanford, and he would be attending in the fall to study history. Rosalie's jock boyfriend, Emmett McCarty, has received a football scholarship to Stanford, hence why Rosalie decided to go to The Art Institute of California to attend Design School. Turns out that she and Alice are crazy about fashion, and agreed to go to the Institute together. They tell me about the big plans they have to create a clothing line after they graduate, and I tell them about my plans to major in English Literature, which they actually seem interested in hearing about.

A half hour or so, before we're supposed to leave we start talking about packing and leaving next week for California. That way we can spend the summer basking on the beach before we have to attend classes.

"So you're sure about this? You guys really want me to come and live with you?" I ask, petrified that they'll reconsider.

"Of course we do, Bella," Alice replies, with a twinkle in her green eyes.

"Well, I'll have to find a job to pay rent so I may not be around that much. Oh, speaking of rent how much do you need me to pay?" I ask.

"Rent? But I thought E-," Rosalie says, cut off abruptly by a strange look from Alice.

"Screw rent, Bella. You're our friend now, and we don't charge friends, especially when the house is already paid for," Alice says as she finishes up one of the last curls. My mouth drops open in shock as I stare at her through the mirror. "And don't even think about complaining, Bella, I know you're going to Stanford on a scholarship."

I shut my mouth because I don't want to argue with Alice, she seems like she could get pretty crazy if I try to argue. I'm curious about how she knows I have received a scholarship, but I let it go. When you live in a small town, everyone seems to know everything about you.

Graduation finally rolls around, I throw my cap, and receive my diploma. After a few pictures, and a hug from Sue and Charlie, I leave with Alice and Rosalie, more nervous than ever. We pull up in front of a big white house and park behind Edward's silver Volvo just as he's stepping out. He's out of his cap and gown already, running a hand through his hair as he rushes inside, not even glancing over in our direction.

My heart beats wildly, and I take in a deep breath as I step out of the car. Alice and Rosalie pull me inside, and within 10 minutes the party kicks in to full gear as people arrive in packed cars. The inside of the house is as white as the outside, and I'm more than a little worried about tripping and spilling the drink that Alice gave me. I'm not used to wearing heels, even short three inch heels. I take a few big sips of the red drink in my hand. It tastes like fruit punch at first, and then I feel the burn of alcohol as it hits the back of my throat.

It's not the first time I've had alcohol, but it is the first time that I actually don't mind the taste. The sweet mixture takes away most of the bitterness, which makes it ten times better than drinking one of Charlie's beers. I watch as Alice and Rosalie both dance and mingle with people, and I suddenly feel out of place. Drinking down the rest of my cup, I place it in a trash can and search for a deserted area to hide in. I walk in to a room and find it empty of people or furniture, except for a black piano. My steps become a little wobbly as I walk towards the bench so I decide to sit down on it for a while and give the alcohol some time to fade. I look at the instrument, admiring how beautiful it is, running my fingers softly along the top of the keys.

"You know it's not polite to touch other people's things, Isabella," a voice whispers, and I feel heat coming from behind me as the smell of honey and cinnamon hits me.

A hand moves my hair from the side of my neck, and my body freezes up, my hand falls from the piano. I sober up hard and fast, my body tingling with need. I can feel my heart pounding, no air escaping from my lungs as two hands appear in front of me. A slow lullaby begins to play, and as it morphs in to a more sensual melody a pair of lips finds their way to my ear.

"Four years, Isabella, and you've yet to say a single word to me," Edward whispers, inches from my ear. "Do you know how irritating it is to be ignored? I have every other woman falling at my feet, begging for my touch, but yet you hide. After I kissed you, you disappeared into the shadows never to be heard from again, no questions of why or even a hint of caring, driving me absolutely mad with your silence."

The melody changes again to an aggravated tone before a dizzying spiral of notes leads into an intense bone chilling tune.

"So, do you have anything to say for yourself before I have you, kitten, and believe me, I will have you. You'll be begging for more," he states softly as I let out a gasp of air. The notes turn into a passionate cloud of music as I feel my arousal soak clear through my blue cotton thong.

"Mm, you have absolutely no sense of self preservation, Isabella, but I will get you to talk. You'll scream my name as you shiver in ecstasy, and you'll never be able to go a moment without thinking about me."

The music drifts away as his lips find purchase on my neck, eliciting a moan from my mouth as he sucks on the skin just below my ear. One of his arms travels underneath my legs, leaving a heated trail of fire as the other cradles my back. He lifts me from the bench, his lips making their way to mine, stifling the panting breaths that escape me. He's moving, taking me somewhere, but I'm lost in the moment. I'm unsure of anything, and completely enthralled in the feel of his lips on mine, the same heat that I felt four years prior building in me like an inferno. My fingers snake up his chest, around his neck and burrow in to his hair as his tongue slips into my mouth. He tastes sweet and warm, the perfect mixture of honey and cinnamon, and as his tongue slides across mine, I nearly lose my sanity. He places me down on a thick comforter, and his lips release mine. My dress is unzipped and thrown to the ground, and I can't seem to make myself care how. We're in his bedroom, which should scare me considering I have no idea what he's capable of, but it doesn't scare me, not in the slightest, in fact it turns me on even more.

"We're going to play a game of twenty questions, Isabella," he whispers, his breath coming over my face like a soft breeze. His hand runs down my side and grips on my thigh as I let out a yelp.

"Ugh!"

"Every time you answer me you'll get a reward, my Isabella, and all you have to do is nod or shake that pretty little head of yours," he says, while he moves his fingers lightly across my skin, making me squirm. "Are you ready?"

I nod my head in between short gasps of air, my arousal spreading to my inner thighs.

"Did you run in to me on purpose that day?" he asks as his hand grazes my heat, moving softly over my soaked center.

I shake my head, and he pushes his thumb against the cotton of my thong. I buck against his hand, desperate for friction, and he pulls it away.

"Ah, ah, kitten. I'm in control here."

I let out a groan of frustration, and he chuckles softly before he continues with his next question.

"Do you think of me when you touch yourself, kitten?" His thumb presses against me again, and I moan involuntarily as I nod my head vigorously.

"Mm, I knew you wanted me and I've got to say that's fucking hot. I can just imagine your pretty little fingers rubbing your hot wet pussy while you think of me," he says rubbing his fingers over the cotton.

"Are you on the pill, kitten?" I nod and he continues stroking me through the cotton, a low growl coming from his chest. "Has any body else touched you, Isabella?"

I nod my head as images of Jake invade my brain and I push them away. I don't want to think about Jacob. Edward's fingers grip my thong, and the sound of ripped cotton fills the room as cool air hits my dripping core.

"I can't say I'm happy about that, kitten, but at least I know I'll be the only one you remember after tonight," he replies as his fingers run along my slick folds before he pushes them in to me with a single thrust. My back arches of the bed, my hands clench the bedding at my sides as his fingers move within me, his lips leaving wet kisses on my neck.

"Oh god," I moan as my stomach coils.

"She finally speaks, but the name's Edward, love," he says, abruptly pulling his fingers out of me, making me groan loud with need.

I gasp for air, wiggling in need of friction. Even in the dark I can see him bring his fingers to his lips, and lick them clean as he hums with pleasure, his eyes glazed over with lust. He leans forward, licking at my neck and collarbone as his hands reach behind my back and unclasp my bra. I struggle to rub up against him, desperate for a release. He tosses my bra to the floor, and I reach down between us, cupping his rock hard erection as he lets out a hiss. I don't even get the opportunity to stroke him before he snatches up my hand, gripping me tightly by the wrist.

"That is very naughty, Isabella. I told you I am in control here," he growls, grabbing my other wrist and placing my hands at my side, pinning them there. He leans forward capturing one of my nipples in his mouth, twirling his tongue around it as my head flies back.

"Shit!" I shout, and Edward leans back a devious smile sliding across his face.

"Mm, such a dirty word for such a good little girl," he says as he pulls off his shirt. "I think you deserve a really good fucking reward for that, kitten."

Before I have the chance to comprehend his actions, his head is nuzzled between my thighs, his tongue lapping at my clit like its fucking ice cream. Coils tighten in my stomach as I grip on to his hair and buck my pussy into him. I can feel his moans and growls against me as he twirls, licks, and sucks. Shaking and shuddering under his ministrations, I bite on my lip, hoping to keep the sound in as my walls start to throb. I grip his hair tighter, my lips falling open and words escaping me as I cum hard, euphoria spreading throughout my body.

"Holy fuck, ugh, god fuck!"

He laps up my juices, moaning and groaning as he licks me clean. His head pulls away, and he looks up at me, a smirk on his face.

"I told you the name is Edward, love," he says, giving my pussy one long lick before kissing his way up my body, nibbling on bits of skin. I whimper and wiggle underneath him, gasping when I feel his fabric covered bulge come in contact with my slick center. His eyes become level with mine and his right hand moves to my hair caressing it softly. "Now where were we?"

"I don't really remember either," he says with a chuckle after a few moments of silence. "So how about this… tell me what you want, Isabella. I know you want me, so just say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you, kitten, and I'll blow your fucking mind."

His hand trails over my sides as my mind reels with possibilities. I want him to fuck me; I want it so bad that I feel like I'm going to combust, but once he does, its over. Nothing will ever come of it. He's Edward Cullen, sex god, and I'm just Isabella Swan. I bite my lip and swallow the lump in the back of my throat as I gaze in to his green eyes, shimmering in the moonlight that drifts through a window. This is your opportunity to be the Bella you've always wanted to be. Take it or leave it, Isabella, it's not like you'll ever see him again. Fuck it!

"Fuck me," I state, the words coming out clear and strong.

"As you wish," Edward replies with a satisfied grin, pulling his belt off and sliding out of his pants.

His lips latch on to mine, and I'm on fire all over again. His hands roam my sides, palming my breasts, caressing my hips as my hand trails down his chest and wraps around his massive erection. He growls in to my mouth, and I suddenly feel powerful as I stroke his cock in my hand. My head is swimming in lust when he reaches between us and grips my wrist again, yanking my hand from his erection. He grabs my other hand and pulls them both above my head as he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and nibbles on it with an angry growl. When he releases my lip, he thrusts in to me, his cock filling me with one strong, hard thrust. My head flies back again, his name tumbling out of my mouth.

"Damn fucking straight, Isabella. Say my fucking name," he growls as he starts thrusting hard, in and out at a slow pace, gripping my wrists in his hold. It's slow, so excruciatingly slow, and feeling him slide in me feels so fucking amazing that I can't stand to hold back anymore.

"Fuck, Edward. Faster! Fuck me like you mean it," I growl.

"Mm, such a dirty kitten, just like I've always thought you'd be. You want me to go faster, is that what you want, my naughty Isabella?" He snarls, picking up the pace ever so slightly. With every thrust I feel my stomach coil in knots, and my wrists start to ache from the restraint, but it just feels too damn good.

"Yes!" I scream as my eyes clench closed from the overload of sensations.

"Open your fucking eyes and look at me. I want to see your face when you cum on my cock," he growls, and my eyes snap open.

His eyes are dark, and as he thrusts I can see them roll back slightly in pleasure, making me dizzy with power. Fuck, I love it when he talks dirty I just wish he would say more. A little provoking should do the trick.

"If you want me to cum you'll have to do a whole lot better than that, Edward Cullen. I'm not your average bitch and the name's Bella," I snarl, thrusting back when he thrusts forward. Edward's face lights up, his hands release my wrists.

"Demanding little bitch aren't you?" He asks with a smirk flipping me over on to all fours. "Hope you don't need to walk tomorrow."

He slams in to me rough and fast, smacking my ass hard. My back arches and he grips on to my hair, tugging it in his hand as his balls smack against my clit, making me scream like a fucking banshee.

"That's it, Bella! I knew you fucking liked it rough. This is for all those fucking days you ignored me, all the nights I thought about fucking the shit out of you, cum for me and scream my name!" He grunts out the word, his hand releasing my hair, both of them gripping on to my hips. He leans forward, his chest flush with my back, and I feel his teeth clamp down on my upper back. My body shakes, my walls clench and I cum hard, soaking his cock and dripping on my thighs as I scream.

"EDWARD!"

"Now, no matter where you go, everyone will know you're mine, Bella," he growls, thrusting hard into me a few more times, his cock stiffening until he releases screaming out my name.

He collapses to the bed, panting out in gasps and we pass out, too utterly exhausted to do anything else, but sleep. Light leaks in through the window, and my eye lids turn a bright pink. I open my eyes to find myself curled in to Edward's chest, his breathing still slow and steady with sleep, his arm wrapped protectively around me. I peer over at the clock, seeing that it's 5:30. Shit! Sue and Charlie are going to kill me.

I slide out of the bed, retrieving what's left of my clothes and throwing them on as I rush to find Alice. She's curled up on the sofa downstairs, passed out from drinking all night. I shake her awake and have her drive me home. Charlie and Sue aren't too pissed. They aren't happy with me for being gone all night and not calling, but they know I'm leaving tomorrow so they let it go.

I finish packing my stuff, and the next morning I wake up, and pile everything into the truck. I say my goodbyes, and head out of town, following Alice's Porsche and Rosalie's BMW all the way to Palo Alto. On the way, I listen to music and replay last night a thousand times over, remembering the way Edward's body moved with mine. This was the beginning of a whole new life, but Edward still wasn't out of my system.

I had finally fucked Edward Cullen, I had the bite mark on my back to prove it, but I just couldn't let him go. We arrive to the house, a cute two story colonial style home painted an adorable shade of pale yellow with beautiful green shutters and a wrap around porch.

I glance at the house next door that looks extremely similar. It's another two story colonial home, light blue, but the shutters are white and the front porch doesn't extend around the sides of the house. I step out of the truck, breathing in the warm California air. Alice and Rosalie both look at each other, then at me and before I know it we're all racing to the door, shoving each other along the way. I beat them there, but unfortunately smack into something warm and hard. It just so happens to be the last thing I expect, a sex god with bronze tousled hair and emerald green eyes.

"Ow," he says, and then his eyes are boring into mine, making my legs tremble and my breath hitch.

He looks confused, his eyes shimmering in the sun light, reminding me of the moon two nights ago. Heat flushes my face as that night comes to mind, and his expression changes from confused to angry. His head turns abruptly to look at Alice. They exchange a look that speaks a thousand words, but unfortunately those words seem to be in a language that I can't decipher.

After a few uncomfortable moments of silence he tosses Alice a set of keys, and then runs a hand through his hair nervously as he glances at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, Ali." He pushes pass me, sliding along the door frame and rushes down the front porch stairs, disappearing from sight.

"Tomorrow," I murmur with confusion.

"Yeah, Edward's kind of living next door," Alice says and my jaw drops. You have got to be kidding me? The sex god, who I'll never be good enough for, is my neighbor!

"We should probably talk." Alice grabs my hand, and leads me in to the house as Rosalie follows, shutting the door behind us.


	2. Dirty to Survive

Chapter 2

Dirty to Survive

"To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself."~ George Orwell

EPOV

Why the fuck would Alice do this to me? All those fucking years trying to get Isabella Swan in the sack and when I finally succeed, when I finally think that I'll be able to move on, she's going to be living next door? Fuck! Thanks a lot, Alice, you could have fucking warned me! Isabella Swan has been driving me crazy since day one. I honestly don't know why I kissed her that day. It could have been the way her hair fell in front of her face when she collided with me or the way she froze up when she looked at me, but from that moment on I wanted her.

I spent the past four years wanting her and when I finally got her in my bed it had been the highlight of my existence. It was dirty and raw and just so damn fucking perfect. I can't wait to get her back underneath of me. Whoa, back it up, what the fuck are you thinking, Cullen? You got what you wanted now move on! If I got what I wanted than why can't I stop fucking thinking about her, the taste of her skin, the way she pulled my hair, the sound of her voice when she screamed my name…Great! Now I have a fucking hard on again! I ignore the bulge in my pants because I haven't had to jerk myself for the past four years and I'm damn sure not going to start now. I grab my last box shoving it in to the closet without even looking at its contents. I'm so sick of unpacking…

I peel off my shirt tossing it into the pile of clothes by the door in an attempt to rid myself of her smell. Fucking strawberries, the girl smells like a whole fucking patch of strawberries! She tastes like them too…like fresh from the vine, juicy, mouth-watering strawberries… Get a hold of yourself, Edward! You have a major problem here. Isabella was nothing, but a one night stand. Even if it was the best fuck of your life, nothing will come of it. She's way too fucking good for you. You're damaged goods, Cullen. Always have been and always will be. "No fucking shit," I murmur to myself as I grab a black shirt out of the closet and pull it on.

"Hey, Em, I need a drink! Did you unpack the liquor yet?" I yell and after a few moments of silence I walk in to the hall way and notice that Jasper and Emmett's doors are both open. I peek inside and realize that they're empty.

"Em, Jazz!" I call out, but no one answers. Well, fuck, I'm by myself. Thanks so much for telling me you were leaving…fuckers. Fine, if I'm not going to be drinking, I'm going to be fucking. Now where's a good place to get some pussy around here?

I look out the window seeing the beach in view a few blocks away, sexy girls in itty bitty bikinis, score. I go back to my room and grab my black and green board shorts to put on with my black shirt. Just as I reach the door I realize something. Shit! Don't forget the condom, Cullen! Sliding out the nightstand drawer I grab a condom from my stash, magnum of course. No baby mama drama for me, thanks.

It's late in the afternoon as I stroll down the street towards the beach and I arrive just as the sun is setting over the horizon making the ocean turn orange like a sea of fire. A few parties are in full swing and it doesn't take long for me to find my conquest for the evening; some girls are just too damn easy. We found some spot under the pier and I fucked her quick from behind. Thank god she was a blonde; I don't think I could have handled a brunette with Isabella still fresh in my thoughts. It definitely wasn't my best lay, the bitch was too fucking needy for my taste, the whole time she yipped like a dog and when I had finished and was pulling out of her she made an attempt to latch on to my junk like a piranha as she begged me to say.

I pried myself away from her and thanked her for the fuck before abandoning her there. What can I say? I'm Edward, fucking, Cullen, that's what I do. So here I am, walking back from the beach, the pussy monster satiated for now. The street lights light my way as I head up the hill and back to the house with my hands buried in my pockets. The smell of fresh cut grass hits me along with the sound of soft feminine giggles.

I look to my left and see a sweet looking couple rolling around in the dark of a community park laughing and tickling each other as they steal kisses. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach as I watch them. They're completely unaware that I'm there, lost in a world where nothing exists outside of each other. They remind me of Carlisle and Esme, my parents. Well not exactly, but that's what the rest of the world is told. Anyways, they're the epitome of the perfect couple, newlyweds for life. I've never seen them really argue; they only bicker and then make up immediately. He loves her and she loves him and they make it look so easy, but it's not.

That perfect love, the kind in fairy tales, it's like finding a needle in a hay stack and when you find it you have to hold on for dear life and pray it doesn't get away. Carlisle and Esme were made for each other, Alice and Jasper were built to be together, and Emmett and Rosalie are the perfect match, but what about me? Well, I'm damaged goods. No better than the dirt on the bottom of my shoes and no one wants damaged goods. I'll stick to what I know, pussy. I shake my head and jog the rest of the way home where I can escape into a bottle of whiskey and forget about the couple in the park and the couples surrounding me. Just as I'm reaching for the Jack in the liquor cabinet I hear Em call my name from the living room.

"Fucking, shit," I murmur to myself grabbing the bottle anyway before heading in to the living room.

"Where have you been? We were just about to start a movie if you want to watch it with us, we all know you love Wedding Crashers," Emmett says as he squeezes tightly on to Rosalie who is huddled in to his side on the couch.

I notice Alice and Jasper sprawled out on the other coach and I decide against watching the movie, because really who wants to see their sister make out with her boyfriend? I open up my mouth to say no, but then I see her sitting there. Her brown hair is hung like a curtain around her face as she sits with her knees up and her back against the bottom of Emmett and Rosalie's couch, Wuthering Heights is tightly in her grip, her chocolate brown eyes are downcast and I suddenly feel bad about leaving her here with the two insatiable couples.

"Um, sure, I guess," I reply running a hand through my hair as I take a seat on the floor next to Isabella, leaving more than a foot of space between us.

Emmett presses play and I unscrew the cap on the whiskey and tip it back to my lips, reveling in the burn as it hits my throat. It's dark in the room and immediately I hear the soft murmuring of voices and light girly giggles as I take another drink. Isabella is staring at her book, but I have yet to see her turn a page and I have a feeling she's just trying to avoid the awkwardness of the room around her. Without tearing my eyes away from the television I nudge her leg with the bottle and tip it towards her as an offering. Surprising me, she reaches for the bottle and her hand brushes lightly against mine, sending a wave of shock through my body. I can smell her strawberry scent as she shifts to bring the bottle to her lips and I sneak a glimpse of her, catching the grossed out look on her face when she consumes probably her first taste of whiskey. I struggle to hold back a laugh as I grab the bottle back and I could have sworn I heard her soft voice whisper a thank you to me.

We watch the movie in silence and I force my eyes to stay on the screen occasionally slipping the bottle to Isabella. Gazing at her through my peripheral vision I notice that she's starting to relax, she's closed her book placing it on her side and stretched out her jean covered legs. The hair that had fallen in front of her face has been tucked behind her ears and her hands rest on her lap as she watches the movie. Her strawberry smell is filling the air around me and I find myself shifting closer in her direction like she's pulling me in. I'm so close to her that my arm brushes against hers whenever I take a drink. I have a raging hard on being this near to her body and I try to get it to go away, but the more I inhale her scent the worse it gets. Luckily for me she doesn't seem to notice. The bottle is almost half empty and I can feel the effect of the alcohol in my system. It makes me want to reach out and touch her…

"Hey, Eddie, that stage five clinger reminds me of Lauren!" Emmett hollers pulling me out of my drunken induced idiocy with a bellowing laugh.

"She was psycho, Edward, I'm surprised you were even able to detach that bitch from your junk," Jazz says with a laugh of his own. "Seriously, Bella, you should have seen this chick. Edward fucked her one night at this drunken party, all it took was a little bit of dirty talk and she hoped in to bed with him." Emmett adds and Isabella shifts uncomfortably away from me as she dives back in to her book and her skin flushes pink. "Then the next morning she's making him breakfast and leaving notes for him, saying she's in love with him and wants to marry him and all this shit. It was hilarious!"

Rosalie and Alice glare at Emmett and Jasper. They hate it when they talk about the bitches I've slept with. I take a long pull of the Jack as I try to find the reason for why I feel so guilty all of a sudden. Normally I would flaunt my conquests and dive right in to the story about how much of a lousy fuck she was and how I took her for a walk in the middle of the woods and left her out there, but right now I just want to drown myself in this bottle of whiskey. You're such a dick, Edward!

"I really don't think Isabella wants to hear about Lauren "the clinger" Mallory. Can we go back to watching the movie?" I snap.

Emmett holds up his hands in defeat as if to say, 'What crawled up your ass?', but I just ignore him and go back to watching the television. Isabella spends the rest of the evening with her face buried in her book and for some unknown reason it makes me feel like shit. The credits roll and I stash the nearly empty bottle of Jack back in the cabinet before stumbling my way upstairs and crashing on to my bed. Another drunken night and to top it off I have that stupid quote from Wedding Crashers stuck in my head. 'True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.' I keep wondering what happens when you don't have a soul.

I dream about the same thing I always do. The way her eyes flash that sickening gray color when she's angry makes me hide. She reaches for me and pulls me from the cupboard underneath the sink. Her words are cruel, but her actions are worse. I feel the sting as her hand hits my face and I hold back the urge to scream. What did I do to deserve this? Oh wait, now I remember, I was born. I wake up in the middle of the night dripping sweat as I rush to the bathroom. Clinging to the porcelain, the taste of bile and whiskey fills my mouth. I brush my teeth and switch out my board shorts and black shirt for a pair of sweats and a plain white t-shirt. I need some air.

After lacing up my running shoes and grabbing my wallet, phone, and a condom, just because I never go anywhere without one, I race for the door. The smell of salt water mixed in with the scent of fresh cut grass invades my nose as I close the door behind me. It's late, probably around three in the morning. I let my feet carry me as I run down the steep hill towards the beach, tasting the salty tang of the ocean on my tongue. The hum of random cars occasionally driving by is the only sound this early in the morning and the quiet calms my aching nerves. I run along the beach watching the waves tumble and crash on the shore, filling my ears with a gentle swooshing sound.

When I run I forget it all, everything I've done, everyone I've hurt, everyone who's hurt me, it all is erased from my mind because it's the only time that I let myself think about her…The smile that takes over her face when she's reading a good book, the way her hair falls in front of her eyes, how she always smells like strawberries…she makes me forget everything. It's the way it's been for four years. Isabella is the only thing I can think of that makes me forget, well other than fucking and finding pussy at three in the morning is more difficult than it sounds. I keep running as fast as my legs will carry me and I let myself bask in the thought of Isabella, knowing that nothing could ever feel as good for me as being inside her and also knowing that I'm too damn fucked up for her and she's way too fucking good for me. I'm dripping in sweat and thoroughly exhausted when I notice the sun rising and turning the ocean that fire orange color again.

I clear my mind of Isabella and Edward "Playboy" Cullen is back and hungry for some fucking double p, pancakes and pussy. I jog to a diner I passed on the way to the beach and order a stack of pancakes from some old brood, a grandmother type who calls me deary. After wolfing down my breakfast and leaving good old granny a generous tip I take off jogging down the road. I'm on the hunt for pussy and it doesn't take me long to find it. Some hot blonde with big tits and a tight little ass runs straight into me. Her eyes rake over my body and I give her a wink and the signature, panty dropping, crooked smile. Within minutes she's riding my cock in someone's fenced in back yard and all is right with the world. I pull up my sweats and she slips me her business card. I tuck it in my pocket giving her another wink before jogging off. Edward Cullen, pussy monster, strikes again.

When I get home I slip in to the shower, washing all the dirt and sweat off my body. Throwing on a pair of jeans and a dark green shirt I sit down on my bed to catch up on my reading. I delve in to The Stranger by Albert Camus for a while, getting lost in the world of the emotionally detached Meursault, thinking how easy life would be if I could be more like that. After a few hours I call Alice, who is dead set on us hanging out today, which probably means that we're going shopping. Oh joy… The phone only rings once before she picks up, sounding overexcited like always.

"Hey, Ed, you headed over?"

"Yep, just got out of the shower, Ali, wanted to make sure you were up," I reply with not nearly as much enthusiasm. "Of course I am, you know I wake up at six every morning, brother, come on over."

I hang up the phone as I let out a sigh shoving my essentials in my pockets, phone, wallet and condom, ready to go. We hop in to my silver Volvo, because it will be a cold day in hell when I agree to go shopping and let Alice drive. I turn on the radio, letting some random channel play as Alice gives me directions to the nearest mall. We pull out of the drive way and I roll down the windows to allow the cool morning breeze to waft in to the car. Driving along we make small talk about moving and about me going to Stanford in the fall and then Alice hits me with an emotional two by four.

"So, I need to talk to you about Bella," Alice says as she twiddles her thumbs and my previously serene mood disappears.

"I don't want to talk about her, Ali, just let it go." I grip the steering wheel in my hands turning my knuckles even more pale white than they were to begin with. "But I don't understand why you're upset, Ed, I thought you'd be happy that she's living with me…I mean ever since you told me about, you know, how she makes you forget, I thought it would be good for you…," she replies squirming slightly in her chair.

"I did something stupid and now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because of you not telling me, okay, Ali?...You don't want to know what I did and I damn sure don't want to tell you so drop it!" I didn't mean to snap at her, but I really don't think Alice knew about the one night stand, I'm sure Isabella was too shy to talk to her about it and I definitely wasn't going to say anything, fuck, I wouldn't have even done it if I had known she would be living next door. The remainder of the car ride is silent and when we pull in to the mall parking lot Alice quickly unbuckles her seat belt and practically jumps out of the car.

"Great, it's going to be a long day," I sigh to myself as I follow her towards the entrance because when Alice is mad at you she gets back at you by forcing you to shop until you either collapse from exhaustion or run out of money and unlucky for me we have more money than most banks. We weren't born in to a family of money, but we were adopted into one, not that anyone really knows that except Carlisle, Esme, Alice and me. Carlisle is a world renowned doctor and Esme is a famous interior designer.

They give us an obscene amount of money for allowance every week and as long as we have good grades they continue to provide us with anything we could ever want or need. But just because they buy us things and drown us in money doesn't mean they're not caring and generous people. In fact they're the most loving parents a kid could ask for and it makes me truly sad that they have to settle for a son like me...damaged goods. I'm just grateful it never happened to Alice, I saved her, and it's the only thing I'm actually proud of myself for. Alice is far too perfect a soul to be damaged and I'm thankful everyday that it was me instead.


	3. Capable of Change

Chapter 3

Capable of Change

"Treat people as if they were what they should be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

BPOV

We enter the house, and I hear Alice's high heels click on the wooden floor as she steers me left in to the living room. The only thing in there at the moment is two green couches set in an L shape around a wooden coffee table. Rosalie excuses herself, and goes in to the kitchen to grab us some water and while she's gone Alice starts to explain why she didn't tell me about her brother and their boyfriends living next door.

"I didn't tell you they were going to be living next door because I didn't want you to back out. You're my friend and I know you're tight on cash. Edward won't bother you, if that's what you're worried about. He can be really intimidating for someone shy like you, but he's not the jackass everyone makes him out to be. Deep down he's a really nice guy. Actually, I think you could be really good friends if you give him a chance."

"You should have told me Alice. I mean I don't know if I'm comfortable living next door to your boyfriends and your brother. It's like Edward and I are playing the 5th wheels in your scenario and that's not cool," I reply taking a sip of water when Rosalie hands me a glass.

"Besides, I can't see Edward wanting to be my friend." My insides twist when I think of being Edward's friend. How can I be friends with someone I had a one night stand with and can't stop thinking about? All I can think about is that night in his bed, yet he completely ignored me when I saw him just minutes ago. How can I be his friend when I clearly want us to be more and he doesn't? Well, of course he doesn't want me. I'm just plain, old Isabella Swan. Why settle for average when you're extraordinary?

"I told you she wouldn't like this, Ali." Rose interjects, pulling me out of my thoughts. Alice glares at Rosalie, and then her attention is back on me. She gives me that look that little kids get when they want a puppy, that really sad innocent look, and I feel my control wavering. "Just give the friendship thing a chance, Bella. We're supposed to go over there to watch a movie tonight. Come with us, please?"

Alice has perfected the puppy dog eyes, and it's too hard to fight so I give in. Besides, I'd have to spend all my spare time working to make enough for rent on a room that was half as nice, and there was no guarantee I'd get along with anyone I moved in with. I'll just keep my distance from Edward and hopefully everything will work itself out.

"Alright, fine."

I went out to the truck, and started to unload my boxes, placing them in the dining room on the right front side of the house. The place was huge, and apparently almost the exact reverse of the floor plan to the boy's house next door. The floors were all hard wood and the walls were painted a pale green, it was gorgeous. Even the pastel yellow kitchen, that occupied the back right corner of the first floor, looked like it belonged in the pages of Good Housekeeping. Behind the living room, where we had been sitting a little bit ago, was a small study area with walls of bookshelves that the girls let me fill up. I guess they don't really enjoy reading, unless you count fashion magazines.

Under the stairs, just off the study area was a guest bathroom that was painted forest green. Someone had already put in green hand towels along with green apple hand soap and a frog figurine that took up the corner of the sink. He wasn't one of those funny looking frogs with a goofy face, he was life like. He was resting on his back feet and had his front feet supporting him so he could look up. His frog eyes were black and sunken in, and he looked sad, almost unbearably so. His mouth hung open like he was trying to say something, but it was just too painful to get out and for some reason I feel the need to comfort the inanimate object.

"Hey, Alice, who put this frog in here?" I yell out from the bathroom, doing my best to hide the hurt in my voice. "Oh, that ugly thing," she replies as she pokes her head into the bathroom. "It was already here when I put the towels and soap in. It must have been left by the previous owners. Thanks for reminding me, I almost forget I was going to throw it out."

She reaches for the frog figurine, but I grab it out from underneath her hand.

"I'd actually like to keep it. I'll just take it up to my room," I blurt out as I brush pass Alice, who looks completely perplexed by my reaction.

I grab a few of my boxes and my frog, and head upstairs. I walk up the stairs, into a small hallway that has three doors, one to the left and two opposite of each other on the right. I open the door on the left, my room, and place the boxes on the floor. It's the first time I've seen it. Well, other then pictures and I can't help the smile that lights up my face. The walls are painted a light purple, my favorite color, and it matches perfectly with the wood in the room. I had left my bed at home because Alice said the room already had one. What surprises me is that the gorgeous iron bed frame, centered between two windows against the left wall, looks brand new. I shake my head in irritation, it's clear that Alice is going to be a handful.

To the right of the door is a walk in closet and an adjoining bathroom, but before I have the opportunity to check them out movement catches my eyes. A bay window with a bench seat covered with purple cloth gives a view of the boy's house next door and in the window directly across from mine is the half naked man I can't stop thinking about. He grabs a black shirt out of the closet and I groan in frustration when he pulls it on and yells out something. Then, he walks out of sight leaving me with frazzled nerves and a rather embarrassing problem.

After several hours of unpacking and going over that night with Edward a dozen or so more times in my head Alice calls up to me and tells me we're leaving. I quickly change and grab a random book from one of the shelves downstairs before following Alice and Rose out the door. Their excited to hang out with Emmett and Jasper, but I couldn't be more nervous. We knock on the door of the blue house and are immediately greeted by Emmett's massive frame, hazel eyes, and short, curly, brown hair. He wraps his huge arms around me and pulls me in to a bone crushing hug that catches me extremely off guard, but I force a smile on my face as my cheeks flush red.

"We're going to have so much fun together, Bella. I love new people!" Emmett howls in his booming voice.

He releases me and Rosalie just shakes her head as he kisses her and pulls her to his side. Rosalie's twin, Jasper, walks in to the room and greets me with a wave. The family resemblance is evident with his blonde hair and blue eyes. He grabs Alice's hand and they head right, into the living room. The couples take seats on the two couches, but I feel strange sitting next to either pair so I sit on the floor with my back against the bottom of Rose and Emmett's couch. We're just about to start the movie that the group has agreed upon, with little insight on my part, when Edward walks in the door wearing a pair of sexy green and black board shorts and a black shirt. The sight of him makes my body warm and I start to panic when he disappears in the direction of the kitchen. Emmett calls him in to the room and I bury my face in to the book I brought. Son of a bitch. I can't handle this. I can't be his friend when I want him this bad. Please don't ask him to watch the movie.

"Where have you been? We were just about to start a movie if you want to watch it with us, we all know you love Wedding Crashers," Emmett says.

Fuck…please say no, please say no. I can't stand being around you!

"Um, sure, I guess," he replies, and I can smell his honey and cinnamon scent when he takes a seat on the floor next to me. Oh, fuck, he smells delicious!

Emmett presses play on the movie and I stare down at my book even though it's dark and I'm unable to read any of the words on the page. Something presses against my leg and I notice it's a bottle of Jack Daniels. Edward tilts the bottle in my direction and in desperation I reach for it. His hand brushes against mine, sending a tingle through my body, straight to my core. My panties are getting wet and my mind races with some not so innocent thoughts; Edward's mouth on me, his hands. The whiskey tastes horrible, but I force it back before handing the bottle over and whispering a small thank you. The movie continues and I watch it out of my peripheral vision. Occasionally Edward slips me the Jack, which I take without hesitation. The alcohol starts to affect me and I place my book at my side and rest my hands on my lap. Honey and cinnamon fills the air around me, making my panties wetter as the minutes tick by. My body feels like jelly when I'm this close to him and I ache to touch him. His arm brushes against mine and my insides are on fire, but some how I manage to avoid looking in his direction. I want him, I want him so fucking bad…

"Hey, Eddie, that stage five clinger reminds me of Lauren!" Emmett hollers, and it's like a shock to my system.

"She was psycho, Edward, I'm surprised you were even able to detach that bitch from your junk," Jazz says with a laugh of his own. My head starts to spin with the thought of Edward in bed with some gorgeous model and I don't feel so good.

"Seriously, Bella, you should have seen this chick. Edward fucked her one night at this drunken party, all it took was a little bit of dirty talk and she hoped in to bed with him." Emmett adds.

I shift away from Edward. I want nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. He'd done the same thing to me. It's not like I thought Edward and I would ever have anything, but hearing that he used the same technique on me as that Lauren girl made me want to vomit. I reach for my book and attempt to hide the heat that's flushing my face as Emmett continues. I don't even think he notices.

"Then the next morning she's making him breakfast and leaving notes for him, saying she's in love with him and wants to marry him and all this shit. It was hilarious!"

"I really don't think Isabella wants to hear about Lauren "the clinger" Mallory. Can we go back to watching the movie?" Edward snaps, and I know he's probably mad because it reminds him of that night with me and I'm sure that's the last thing he wants a reminder of. My heart clenches in my chest.

Everyone goes back to watching the television and I drown my sorrows in the tale of Heathcliff and Cathy. A week has gone by, and I've spent the entire time avoiding Edward, but today my luck runs out. I tie the dark blue bikini that Alice insists I wear, and take a look in the mirror. The bite mark on my back has completely healed. The only evidence of the encounter now is a tiny scar from one of Edward's canine teeth. It made me extremely sad when it went away because I just don't want to let go of that night. I don't want it to seem like it never happened.

"I can't believe I'm doing this, Achilles," I say to the frog now sitting on my bathroom sink. We're all going to the beach today, which means sand. Okay, so I have this really strange phobia. I kind of hate the feeling of dry sand on my skin. There's actually a name for it, eremikophobia. Seriously, the thought of walking bare foot in dry sand makes me queasy. Jacob used to make fun of me for it when ever we went down to first beach. I refused to take off my shoes until I reached the wet sand. Then, before we left I would have to wash my feet in the ocean and use a towel to get every grain of sand off my feet so I could put my shoes back on and walk through the dry sand. Jacob would often put sand in my socks because he thought it was funny...it wasn't.

I'd end up freaking out and I would actually have to throw the socks away. What an asshole. After pulling on a pair of shorts and a blue tank top I grab my socks and tennis shoes. Alice looks at me a little strange when she notices I'm not wearing flip flops, but she doesn't say anything. Alice, Rose, and I all pile in to Rose's BMW and head down to the beach. The air smells wonderful and it's just hot enough to go swimming or tanning. We reach the beach and as we unload the cooler and towels I take the opportunity to explain my weird problem.

"So, I guess beach volleyball is out of the question?" Rose asks when I'm done.

"With my hand to eye coordination beach volleyball would have been out of the question anyway," I say and we all laugh. The girls think my issue is a little strange, but they don't tease me about it or anything instead they just start carrying things down to the beach. I take one towel out of my beach bag and lay it across the sand next to Alice's towel and then I pull off my tank top. I'm still sort of self conscious about the bathing suit so I leave the shorts on. I maneuver myself so that my feet lay flat on the sand off the towel. This way I can sit on the towel without touching any of the sand. I lean back on my elbows and take a few deep breaths. My sunglasses block out the intense sun, but I let my eyes close for a moment in contentment. The smell of salt water is replaced quickly with the smell of honey and cinnamon and my inside's warm considerably.

"You might want to put on some sun block so you don't burn," Edward's velvet voice whispers in my ear. I open my eyes and even with the dark tint of the sunglasses Edward looks gorgeous. The only bit of clothing he's wearing is his black and green board shorts. His eyes are soft and I catch him licking his lips, they must be chapped. What I wouldn't give to lick those lips. I clear my thoughts as he hands me a bottle of sun block.

"So why are you wearing your shoes?" he asks with a look of curiosity. My skin flushes and I let out a deep sigh as I start applying the sun block to my arms and legs.

"I don't like the feeling of dry sand on my skin…Um, it makes me queasy," I reply.

Even my parents think my aversion to sand is weird so Edward throws me completely off guard with his response.

"Sorry…I'm that way with cotton balls. It's just something about the texture…Makes me feel sick even thinking about it." My lips turn up into a bright smile at his confession and he gives me a crooked smile.

Alice and Rose have started up a game of volleyball with Emmett and Jasper, who seem to have been dressed in coordinating colors today. Rose and Emmett are both in red and black while Alice and Jasper are in yellow and black…Alice. I'm tempted to call one of the girls over to put sun block on my back. I know I'll be red as a tomato if I don't, but I don't want to break up their game. I think about asking Edward, who's now basking in the sun and my heart starts to race as my skin flushes a light pink. Finally, I decide to suck up my fear and just ask. It's not like I'm asking him to have sex with me.

"Hey, could you, uh," I say gesturing with the sun block. I can't even seem to get the words out, but Edward takes one look at the sun block and then at me before his eyes widen with surprise.

He runs a hand nervously through his hair and I almost forget the whole thing until he grabs the bottle. My heart starts to pick up speed as he squeezes some of the sun block into his hands. I carefully turn so my back faces him and the moment his hands come in contact with my back it's like my insides are on fire. My core is dripping and I have to take a few deep breaths to control myself. His hands massage the sun block in to my shoulder blades, then down across the rest of my exposed skin. I feel his fingers circle the spot where his mark is on my skin and my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I turn my head to look at him and catch a small glimpse of a smile before it fades from his lips. So he doesn't hate me…I suppose that's the best I can ask for. Maybe this friends thing won't be too terrible. He removes his hands from my back and I say thank you. Edward just winks at me and then he gets up and takes off toward the water. I watch his muscles flex as he jogs down to the water line. Mm…friends can ogle friends, right?


	4. Speak to Me

Chapter 4

Speak to Me "Where words fail, music speaks."~ Hans Christian Anderson

EPOV

I'm lying in bed, but I can't sleep at all. I keep thinking about Isabella. She looked fucking radiant at the beach today, tennis shoes, and all. When she asked me to put sun block on her back earlier, I nearly had a heart attack. Her skin was smooth as silk, and as I rubbed the sun block in, I had let my fingers graze the mark I had permanently placed on her skin. It made me feel damn good to know that I'd put that mark on her. Now I would always be a part of her, albeit a small part.

After I had rubbed in the sun block I even had to run down to the water to hide the rather obvious problem that seeing the mark had caused. You're such a possessive ass, Cullen. The beach had been fun, but since I spent the day with the group, I didn't get any damn pussy, and I am feeling somewhat needy. My cock is rock hard from spending the day so close to Isabella. Isabella's perky tits and round ass come to mind, and I let out another groan. I need some release, but finding pussy after midnight is a pain in the ass.

My cock twitches at the thought of Isabella all tight, wet, and so fucking warm. I'm desperate and against my normal judgment, my hand starts to drift underneath the waistband of my sweat pants and boxers, and wraps around my erection. I hiss in pleasure as I glide my hand across my length. Closing my eyes, I imagine that its Isabella's mouth wrapped around my cock instead, her hot mouth moving up and down on my cock.

"Fuck," I pant, seeing her soft lips wrap around my dick in my mind. She hums with pleasure, and the vibrations make my insides curl. Her soft hands massage my balls as I grip on to her hair.

"Good girl, oh fuck," I murmur as I guide her mouth. My hand moves faster while I picture her crawling up my body, and straddling my waist. Her pussy envelopes me and I let out a groan. She starts to ride my cock as she rubs her tits and moans.

"Fuck, that's it, ride my fucking cock, Isabella," I growl in my mind. I thrust upward as she thrusts down, and she moans my name.

She twists her nipples between her fingers, and I bite my lip to hold back the urge to scream. My stomach coils, and I start stroking faster and faster as Isabella speeds up. She rests her palms flat on my chest, and digs her nails into my skin as she starts screaming out random obscenities

"Holy shit, bite me, come for me, and fucking bite me," I growl. Her pussy starts to throb around my cock as she leans over, and sinks her teeth into my chest.

I can't fucking hold back anymore. My cock stiffens, and I feel the warm liquid of my release as it spills out over my stomach. There's cum on me, I'm panting heavy, and the fantasy is over. I wish it were real…

After I clean up it's already past midnight, but my eyes just won't close. In a way, I'm glad because at least I can avoid the nightmares. Sleeping is unbearable when you never have good dreams. Right now, there's only one thing I really want to do anyway- I want to play. The guys are fast asleep, which means I can't get away with playing my piano. I look over to the corner of the room where my guitar is leaning against the wall. I could play my guitar… You know what happens when you play your guitar, Edward.

I know, but maybe it won't happen this time. With high hopes, I grab my guitar, and head out back. I sit on the picnic table in the back yard, and strum a chord that makes me smile. My hands start playing on their own accord, and I find myself singing one of my favorites, 'blackbird'. It always reminds me of Isabella, innocent and sweet, but as I reach the end of the Beatles song, unconsciously I switch chords. Something in me shifts, and my stomach twists into uncomfortable knots. It feels as if I'm starving to death…

The memories I try so hard to block out hit me full force, and I can't make them stop. A dark cupboard, gray eyes, the smell of vodka, and then there's the blood, so much blood. Before I know it, I'm singing, the words just tumbling out of my mouth.

**I open my eyes**

**I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light**

**I can't remember how**

**I can't remember why**

**I'm lying here tonight**

My eyes close tight, and the emotions take over as the memories continue to flash. A locked door, the sound of plates being broken, fists pounding, the sobs of a little girl hiding under the bed, and then there's the blood, so much blood.

**And I can't stand the pain**

**And I can't make it go away**

**No I can't stand the pain**

**How could this happen to me**

**I made my mistakes**

**I've got no where to run**

**The night goes on**

**As I'm fading away**

**I'm sick of this life**

**I just wanna scream**

**How could this happen to me**

My heart beats erratically as the memories continue to flood in, and I can't stop. It won't fucking stop! A voice shouts in anger, a door breaks, wood flies everywhere, she's standing in front of me with that insane look in her gray eyes, and a butcher knife in her hand, and then there's the blood, so much blood. Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can't explain what happened And I can't erase the things that I've done No I can't My body breaks out in a cold sweat, but my hands keep moving, my lips keep moving, and the memories keep attacking me. A police officer, a room with a bright light, it's so quiet, dead quiet, and then there's the blood, there's so much blood on me.

**How could this happen to me**

**I made my mistakes**

**I've got no where to run**

**The night goes on**

**As I'm fading away**

**I'm sick of this life**

**I just wanna scream**

**How could this happen to me**

The memories stop, but the pain in my stomach doesn't subside. I feel the bile in my throat rise as I reach the end of the song.

**I made my mistakes**

**I've got no where to run**

**The night goes on**

**As I'm fading away**

**I'm sick of this life**

**I just wanna scream**

**How could this happen to me**

The moment the words stop, I rest the guitar at my side, and vomit on the green grass. It hurts. Everything hurts, my stomach, my chest, my heart, everything. My body shakes violently as I collapse to the ground, expelling every morsel of food I've eaten in the last twenty-four hours as I sob uncontrollably. I'm right in the middle of heaving when I feel a warm hand on my back, and hear an angel's voice in my ear.

"It's alright; you're going to be alright. Just take some deep breaths, Edward, deep breaths." Her hand runs soothing circles on my back, and slowly the warmth takes over, and my stomach stops hurting, my chest stops hurting, my heart stops hurting, everything stops hurting. I sit back, and her strawberry smell drifts into my nose as my eyes open to see the beautiful, scared, angel kneeling in front of me.

"I'm going to get you a cup of water, okay?" Isabella asks, and her face is full of concern.

She is dressed in a purple tank top and a pair of white pajama pants that now have grass stains on them. Absentmindedly I give her a nod, and then I watch her rush into the house, emerging seconds later with a tall glass of water. After standing up and taking a few sips, I set the glass down on the picnic table, and inhale a deep breath. It's too quiet; I have to say something.

"So what are you doing up this late?" I ask, pretending as if I didn't just fall apart.

"I couldn't sleep, and I, um, heard you playing so I came outside to listen. You just sounded really upset, and I wanted to make sure you were okay…Are you okay, Edward?" Her voice is shaky, and I can tell she's nervous, but when she says my name, it still makes me feel warm inside.

I don't have an answer for her so I don't say anything. My eyes drift to her chest, and I watch her breasts move as she breathes. I can remember how perfectly they fit in my hands, how soft and warm her body is against mine, and I want her... I can feel my cock straining against my boxers and sweats, and suddenly all rational thought seems to disappear. A crocked smile finds its way to my face, and I lick my lips as I stare in to Isabella's brown eyes. We can't go to her room or mine, everyone is asleep, but we need to go somewhere because I fucking need her. I need to fuck her…

"Have you ever been on a motorcycle, Isabella?" My voice comes out husky. She shakes her head as she squirms under my heated gaze, and I let out a chuckle. "Well, I need to get out of here, so go get changed, and meet me out front in five minutes."

I give her a wink, grab my guitar and stroll pass her with my glass of water. As quick as I can manage, I brush my teeth, and change into a pair of dark jeans, a black shirt, and a leather jacket. Motorcycles are magic; they make a girl's panties fall off. Well it's mostly me, but the motorcycle helps. I grab a condom, just in case, even though I know Isabella didn't care about it last time, and frankly neither did I. Isabella is the only girl I've ever fucked without one, and I would not mind a repeat occurrence.

My cock twitches involuntarily at the thought of her tight, wet pussy without the barrier between us. I can't help it; she makes me fucking crazy. Tucking my spare leather jacket under my arm, I rush out the front door. Isabella is standing on the porch already, dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a v-neck, white, long sleeve shirt. Her tits are all perky and delicious looking in it, and I can't help, but groan. She stares at me, and I catch her biting her bottom lip as she pulls on the jacket.

"Come on, kitten, let's go for a ride," I purr in her ear.

The garage door opens, and there sits my Ducati 1098. I hand Isabella a helmet, and pull on my own before straddling the bike. The bike purrs to life, and she hops on. Her tits press up against my back, her tiny little arms wrap around my waist, and I can feel the heat radiating from between her legs.

"Oh fuck," I murmur under my breath as my heart starts to race. I kick it in to first gear, taking off down the road, and every time I shift gears, her grip tightens around my waist. The heat in my body builds exponentially as I speed towards the spot I found earlier this week, a grassy hill that overlooks the ocean. I park the bike, and we both take off our helmets and sit down beside each other on the cool grass.

It's almost four, so it's still dark outside, but the full moon casts light onto the dark waves and makes it easy to see. I find it hard to concentrate on the ocean with Isabella so close though. I watch her as she stares down at the waves. She has her hands in her lap, and she's twiddling her thumbs nervously. I'm aching to touch her, but as I gaze at her face in the moon light, it becomes all to clear that I can't. She's so perfect…and I suddenly feel extremely inadequate.

"So did you enjoy the ride?" I ask, and my voice is back to its normal tone. Isabella looks over at me with a confused expression. "Edward, I can tell you're avoiding talking about it, but I have to ask, what happened earlier?"

I let out a sigh as I contemplate my answer. I don't want to tell her, to have her know how truly fucked up I am, but I don't want to lie to her either. The wind blows a strand of hair in front of her eyes, and I reach forward and tuck it behind her ear as I tell her the only thing I can.

"When I was a kid something really awful happened and I don't like to talk about it…" My hand falls from her cheek, and she gives me a sad smile.

"Okay, so what do you like to do then?" Her voice is cheerful again, which makes me ridiculously happy. Maybe we can just sit here and talk, like normal friends do… "I like to play music, piano, and guitar, but the guitar tends to have a bad effect on me. I love to read."

"What's your favorite book?" That's how it went for the next couple of hours. We asked each other questions, and I devoured every bit of information she would give me about her self.

It made me happy just to know more things about her. I learned many things like her favorite book is Romeo and Juliet, her favorite color is purple, and she hates the rain. She moved to Forks from phoenix when her mom remarried a minor league baseball player and she has missed the sun terribly. I found all of her answers to my questions to be fascinating, she never answered them the way I was expecting. The sun is just coming up when we get to the interesting questions.

"So, how many ex-boyfriends do I have to beat up for you?" I asked with a smirk as Isabella turned a deep shade of pink. "There was only one, and I really wouldn't mind if you pummeled him."

Her answer surprised me. Isabella didn't seem like the violent type. "What happened?"

She let out a deep sigh before it all came spilling out. "Jake was my dad's best friend's son. We met when I moved to Forks…We started dating, and for three years, everything was great. It all changed after my dad met Sue. It started to get serious between the two of them and when they decided they wanted to get married, I met Sue's two kids, Seth and Leah. They seemed nice enough so my dad and Sue got married last year, and we all moved in together. Jake always came over to my house so I wasn't surprised to find his car there one day after school, but I was surprised to find him and Leah rolling around naked on my bed..."

I saw Isabella's eyes sheen over with a layer of wetness, and my blood started to boil. I wanted to hunt down this kid and rip him apart. How in the hell could he do that to my Isabella? Whoa, your Isabella…you need some sleep, Cullen. I grabbed her hand, and squeezed it with my own as she tried to smile.

"Sorry,"

"It's alright," she says as she shakes her head.

"So, did you go out with anyone after you and Jake broke up?" Please say no…please say no…

"No, hell most guys don't even notice I exist. I'm too ordinary." I let out a huff of air in response. It makes me feel horrible that I can't just show her how special she is, that I can't kiss her so I do the next best thing.

"Isabella, you're anything, but ordinary." Her face turns up in a beaming smile before she lets out a massive yawn.

"We should probably get back," I say with a chuckle.

She nods her head, and I help her up. I watch as she wipes the dirt of her backside while I climb on to the bike. We put on our helmets, and take off towards the house, but I go as slow as the speed limit allows. I don't want to waste a second of having her so close. To my delight, she still grips on to me tightly the whole way home, and it's fucking wonderful. She deserves better than what I can give her so I'll stay her friend and make sure she gets the perfect man that she deserves. I know that it may kill me to be just friends with Isabella, but if I can only ever be her friend, I'm going to be the best damn friend she'll ever have.


	5. Stupid is as Stupid Does

Chapter 5

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."~ Albert Einstein

BPOV

I wake up on the bench seat by my window with a crook in my neck. I tried to stay up and wait for Edward last night, but sleep must have taken me without warning. It's been a week since the guitar incident, and I can now add three horrific blind dates to my list of accomplishments. After Edward learned of my disastrous dating history, he decided to take it upon himself to find me a boyfriend. He said it would be good for me to get out and date, that it would make it easier for me to get over what Jacob did. I still can't determine if he actually meant that or if he noticed that I was drooling over him like a preteen adolescent with a boy band crush, and was desperate to pass me off onto someone else.

I agreed to make Edward happy nonetheless, but after my date last night, I am officially done. Even before the incident with Edward, my date last night had been worse than Tyler and Eric, combined. Well okay, in reality Tyler Crowley would have been a great choice if he hadn't talked about his ex all night, but Eric Yorkie is a different story. He thinks the whole world revolves around his dog, Spike.

Seriously, he left multiple messages on his own answering machine in the middle of dinner, and proceeded to show me over a dozen pictures of him that he kept in his wallet...professional pictures. I had no idea it could get any worse, but oh, it can.

I get up off the bench seat and rub at my neck as I brush my teeth. I need to go over to the boys' house. I just want to make sure Edward made it home and that he's okay. While heading to my closet I recall the events of last night and my terrible date with Mike Newton.

_I was dreading the arrival of my date. Because of my two previous experiences I was almost one-hundred percent sure that bachelor number three was going to suck. Edward told me that Mike was a cousin of someone back in Forks, but he hadn't ever met the guy. I heard a knock at the door, but I took my time getting down the stairs because my nerves were a wreck. When I finally opened the door, I had to hold back the urge to laugh. He was short, like a couple inches shorter than I was, with surfer boy blonde hair. His outfit consisted of khaki shorts, one of those shirts that look like a tuxedo and mandals, ugly man sandals. I told him I had to grab something, and ran from the room, as I laughed so hard I snorted. It only got worse from there. He took me to a burger shack for dinner, and spent the entire time telling me about some gnarly wave he rode the other day. Then he made me pay, and offered to pick us up some reefer._

_We got back to my house where I practically ran for the door, but he beat me to it. So there we were, standing on the front porch as he leaned against the door looking like a fucking moron. I was trying to think of a nice way to tell him never to call me when he jumped me with little more finesse than a golden retriever, and jammed his tongue down my throat. A muffled scream came out of my mouth as I smacked his arm, and tried to push him off, but he wouldn't budge. He moved his lips to my neck as his hand started to drift under my shirt, and I started to scream._

_"Let go of me, Mike!"_

_"Oh, come on, babe, we'll have such a good time," he groaned, that's when things got violent. Placing my palms against his chest, I used all my strength to shove him, and then cocked my hand back to punch him in the face. It never even made contact._

_The next thing I knew Edward was beating Mike to a bloody pulp on my front lawn. His fists flew forward and I heard the crunch of bone when his knuckles made contact with Mike's nose, but Edward continued hitting him. Blood poured out of Mike's nose covering his face as he screamed, high-pitched girly screams, and tried to block Edward's punches._

_"Stop, Edward, that's enough!" I screamed out as I rushed forward, grabbing Edward's shirt, and giving it a tug._

_He looked at me and his face full of shame, reality hit him, and he growled at Mike, shoving him in the direction of his car._

_"You're lucky she's here to save you, fucker. Get lost!" Edward let go of Mike's shirt and Mike bolted for his car._

_I don't know what I expected Edward to do, maybe ask if I was okay, but he didn't move. His eyes gravitated to his hands that had a layer of Mike's blood coating them. He stood there, completely transfixed on the red liquid, his face void of expression. Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie chose that moment to finally emerge from the boys' house, and I watched as Alice stepped cautiously in Edward's direction._

_"Edward," Edward's head snapped up as if Alice's tinkering voice had pulled him out of some sort of trance. He took one glance at her, and than without saying a word, he walked over to the garage, jumped on his bike, and took off. The others wrote it off as normal Edward behavior, and when I asked Alice about it, she said that Edward had an issue with blood, but I had a feeling it was so much more than that._

I tie my hair up in a ponytail after pulling on a pair of jeans and a simple purple shirt. It's a quick walk over to the boys' house, but when I get to the door, I can't seem to lift my hand to knock. My palms are sweating, my heart is pounding, and I realize how stupid this idea is. I mean, what am I doing here? Edward and I aren't exactly best friends, hell we've barely hung out together, and now I'm standing at his door ready to comfort him without knowing what is wrong with him, if anything. It's not as if he's going to want to talk about it, especially not with me. Letting out a sigh, I turn to walk away just as I hear a click. The door opens.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asks weakly.

"I just wanted to check up on you… to make sure you were alright."

He steps out on to the front porch shutting the door behind him, and his sad, blood shot eyes lock on mine. The agony on his face is evident, and my heart tightens in my chest at the sight of him. It doesn't matter anymore that we haven't been friends for long or that he won't tell me what's wrong, I can't help myself. I step forward and wrap my arms around him as his body stiffens.

I bury my head in his chest while squeezing his form and the heat from his touch envelops me as my skin tingles. His cinnamon and honey scent fills my nose and I breathe as much of it in as I can. It makes me dizzy with euphoria. My heart rate increases exponentially when his stiff body relaxes. He takes a deep breath as his arms close cautiously around me. He rests his head on mine, and I sense him squeezing me back. He holds me tight, and it feels so good, so right.

"It's alright." I whisper. He trembles a little, but he doesn't pull away. Several minutes pass before his grip loosens, and he steps back from me. I miss his warmth immediately.

"Grab your car keys, and we'll go somewhere. No motorcycle this time," I say with a smile. Edward's eyes twinkle as a small smile pulls at his lips. He gives me a nod, and then disappears into the house. He comes out a few minutes later, dressed in clean jeans and a solid black shirt, running a hand through his gorgeous hair. I have to hold back a groan because he looks fucking fantastic even when he's upset.

We get into his Volvo, and drive down the road without saying a word to each other. We both know where we're going. After driving for a short time, we arrive at the grassy hill and step out of the car. It looks different mid-day, less magical, but still pretty.

"Let's play twenty questions," I propose after we've been lying on the grass in silence for a while.

Edward smirks playfully at me, raising one eyebrow, and I can feel the heat flooding my cheeks when I realize what he's thinking. He laughs at my mortification, and instinctively I reach over and smack his arm.

"Oh, feisty," His voice is sexy and smooth causing my insides to flip and my arousal to drip.

I bite my lip to stop the moan that's building in me from escaping while taking a few deep breaths. Edward's tongue sweeps out to wipe along his lips, which only makes matters worse, so I stare out at the ocean, and avoid looking in his direction. He can't just keep pretending that everything is fine. We're friends, we're just friends, and he can't flirt to avoid talking. He needs this…he needs to know that he can talk to me, that he doesn't have to pretend with me. Maybe if I share something about me, he'll share something about him, like we did the other night, but I don't really know where to start.

"When I was little I was really outgoing," I say with a laugh, testing the waters, so to say.

Edward lets out a chuckle, and it makes my heart warm giving me enough courage to continue.

"I loved to go to parks and play with the other kids. My mom took me to the park one day when I was six. She sat with her friend and talked while I ran off to play. I found a few other kids that wanted to play a game of hide and seek. The park was huge, there were tons of places to hide, but my favorite was a big sand box that sat in this cube like structure with a bunch of holes in it, like Swiss cheese."

Edward gives me a confused look when I mention sand, and I nod my head at him as if to say, 'Yes, I know, give me a moment to explain.'

"I ran over to my hiding spot, sat on the edge of the sandbox, and picked up a hand full of sand, letting it fall through my fingers. It was gritty and got everywhere, but I loved it. A noise caught my attention, and I turned my head to find an older man in the cube. He asked if my mommy knew where I was. I was young so I didn't think anything wrong of telling him no…A couple hours later the cops found me locked up in the man's van. A witness had seen him run off with me, he didn't even have enough time to hurt me, but ever since then the thought of sand makes me want to vomit…"

Edward looks over at me; his eyes are sunken in and sad. I give him a small smile, and shrug my shoulders to let him know that I'm fine.

"So, you see, I know what it's like to be scared, to be terrified of something to the point that it makes you sick, but don't you ever get tired of hiding behind a mask?"

"Sometimes, but it's easier to hide," he admits after a deep sigh.

"How do you know? Maybe it would be easier to be honest, to be you."

I turn to look at him, and it feels like he's closer to me than he was when we first sat down. I stare into his green eyes. They're so fucking beautiful. I honestly feel like I could stare into them for miles. His scent is intoxicating me; he's so close that I can practically taste him on my tongue. Yeah, like I'm such a good example of being myself. Sure, I can tell him one of my biggest secrets, but I can't tell him I want him because I'm too frightened of him rejecting me.

He shakes his head, and in my peripheral vision, I can see his fists clench.

"You don't understand, Isabella. It's not that fucking easy. You have no idea the extent of this, how bad it hurts; how bad I hurt!"

The words stumble out of his mouth; there's irritation in his voice. His outburst scares me, and we sit in silence for a while. Eventually it gets to a point that I can't stand it anymore, I need to hear him say something.

"Why do you call me Isabella? Everyone else calls me Bella now, but you still call me Isabella, why?" He shrugs his shoulders at me, and I roll my eyes at him. He stares down at a blade of grass that he's playing with in his hands, and I can hear him breathing in shallow breaths before he gives me an answer. "Because it's who you are…You can't change who you are just by changing your name. Real change happens on the inside, and when it happens, there's no going back. It's just like how you are with sand; it's the same reason that I can't be myself…because if I were myself I would do a lot more than just vomit, I would probably end up committing suicide, Isabella."

He's emotionless during his entire explanation, and when he says the word suicide, it's so unnerving that I flinch. Edward notices, and shifts uncomfortably as he nervously runs a hand through his hair and continues.

"Sometimes in order to survive you have to fight dirty. I survive because I hide behind the mask. I do things that make me forget who I really am so that I can live." He looks out on to the water, his face is solemn, and it all makes sense…I know his reputation. Edward knows his way around a woman's body. I'd be stupid if I thought I was his first. It's clear to me now that he uses sex to hide; he's terrified of himself, but why?

"You can't hide forever, Edward. One day it's not going to work anymore. You're going to want more than just sex with someone, and when that day comes you're going to have to face your demons or someone's going to end up hurt."

He focuses back on me, there's a mixture of confusion and fear in his features. I breathe in a rush of air as he leans toward me, and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. Cinnamon and honey fill the air and my body tenses in anticipation. He cups my cheek in his hand, rubbing my skin softly with his thumb, and my insides are full of heat, every inch of me tingling. Fuck, please. Oh, please kiss me, I scream in my mind, but he shifts, his lips bypass mine completely. I can feel his hot breath on my neck, and I shiver before he whispers in my ear.

"I don't have sex, Isabella, I fuck and I fucked you just like all the others…I'm a monster." Edward leans back, his hand falls from my cheek. He reaches into his pocket, and hands me the keys to the Volvo. "Run, Isabella,"

His eyes are dark and terrifying, his eyebrows scrunch in anger, and his voice is full of malice, but I can't move. My eyes are watering, my heart is clenching in my chest, and my whole body is stiff until he growls at me causing me to jump to my feet.

"Go!" I stand there, unable to do what he asks, wanting to wrap him in my arms and comfort him as I did earlier, even though he's scaring me.

"Let me help you," I choke out as I feel a single tear fall from my eye. It runs down my cheek slowly, and drops onto my purple shirt.

"Leave me alone, Isabella. Just leave me the fuck alone," he spats out the words at me, and they sting like venom.

His eyes linger on the ocean; he acts as if I'm not even here anymore. It hurts that he won't let me in, but what is really killing me is that I know he's suffering, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. More tears start to fall, and I can't stop them. He sits there in silence, and I know I can't change his mind, so I do the only thing I can; I leave, and pray that soon he lets someone in. That he'll let someone, anyone, save him from this hell that he's shut himself in. If I was being honest though, I wish more than anything that it was me.


	6. Like An Animal

Chapter 6

Like An Animal

"Our behavior is human with a sliver of animal, our souls animal with a sliver of human."~ Carrie Latet

EPOV

I walk home, kicking the dirt at my feet as I go. It's a long walk, it will take most of the day, but I could give a fuck less. I keep seeing her face, the tears in her eyes. Never in my life have I felt like such a dick. Her words run through my head again. 'One day it's not going to work anymore.' How was I supposed to tell her that she was right, and that it was already too late? Last night, when I ran, I had fucked a red head, and it had done nothing to extinguish the pain in my chest.

Thoughts of Isabella seem to keep the pain at bay most of the time, but the only thing that soothes it completely is being close to her. Being near her had made me feel so much better today, but when she tried to get me to open up, when she told me that someone would end up hurt, I panicked. I did what I had to do to get her as far away from me as possible so that she doesn't end up hurt. I can't hurt her…I'll do anything not to hurt her. The pain is practically unbearable. It's no longer a feeling of starvation, but more like a flesh eating bacteria consuming my organs. It's getting worse, as if it's somehow stronger because of the date today, my 19th Birthday. As if on cue, a memory of my sixth birthday assaults me.

_It was early morning before Alice's big party. Mother had told me that I wasn't getting a party this year. She wouldn't give me a reason why. In fact, ever since my father had died six months earlier, she had been treating me strangely. After the funeral she got rid of my toys, kept me home from school, she hadn't even looked at me in weeks. We always opened presents from our parents in the morning, it was tradition, and as I watched Alice rip off the paper of her fifth present with exuberance, I started to wonder where my presents were._

_"Where are my presents, mommy?" I finally asked._

_Her gray eyes smoldered as she glared deadly daggers at me. For the first time in my life, I was terrified of my mother. She swung her hand back and struck me across the face with enough force that my head turned to the side. I started to cry, clutching my throbbing cheek in my hand as she screamed._

_"Where are your presents? You're a fucking murderer! You don't get any presents!"_

The memory of the first time she hit me is one of the worst. I clutch my stomach and kneel forward, vomiting on the asphalt as the memory continues in my mind.

_She latches on to my shoulders and starts to shake me vigorously as I sob uncontrollably. "Your father's dead and it's your fault!"_

My body trembles, I collapse on to the road, squeezing my stomach tight in an attempt to hold myself together. An hour passes before I can move. Everything hurts and I spend the rest of the day walking home in a disoriented state. The streetlights turn on for the evening just as I reach the street my house is on. The Volvo is in the driveway and I feel a tiny bit of relief that Isabella made it home all right. I head straight up to my room and start the shower. The hot water calms my nerves some, but I still end up vomiting in the shower. My phone goes of as I'm drying off. I look at it and let out a groan at the text on the screen. This is the last thing I want tonight.

**_Be over in an hour, I'm throwing a party. Happy Birthday, Brother.-Ali_ **

I know the party is just for Alice, she knows I don't celebrate my birthday and she respects that. Without even contemplating it, I reach for a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt. Alice will be angry that I'm not dressing up, but right now, I can't find it in myself to care. My phone rings while I'm pulling on my leather jacket; it's Carlisle, I let it go to voicemail.

"Hi, son, wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday. I know this day is always hard for you so if you need to talk I'm here for you. Love you."

My stomach contorts as I delete the message, he tries so damn hard, but you can't fix something that's broken beyond repair. No matter how many times he says I love you it will never replace the past.

_She drags me down the hall as I kick and scream. I try to apologize, I tell her that she's hurting my arm, but she only pulls me harder. She stops at the hall closet, opens it, and shoves me inside. "I hate that he shared something with you, I hate that you look like him, I hate that he went out to get you that stupid fucking guitar and never came back to me. I hate you, and I wish you'd never been born!" The door slams, it's dark. It's silent except for the croaking sobs coming from my chest. I cry because I want my daddy, and I want my old mommy back, the one that loved me._

The bile in my throat rises at the memory. I run to the bathroom and get there in the knick of time. I brush my teeth as I try to take deep breaths, at least at the party I can fucking drink…maybe I'll finally drink myself dead.

There are cars parked all along the street. The loud thump of music echoes out of the girls' house. I'm not even sure how Alice met so many people in the short amount of time that we've been here. Squeezing through the crowd, I make my way to the kitchen, where the liquor is out on the counter. My hand clutches the bottle of Jack like a lifeline, and I bring it to my lips without hesitation. It makes the memories blur, but I can still hear her goddamn voice.

_"Did I tell you that you could fucking come out yet? Get your ass back in that closet before I really give you something to cry about!"_

I clutch my chest as the music bumps through the speakers and I force back the bile in my throat that wants to rise. I'm desperate now; I need the pain to go away. I need Isabella. The only thing that matters now is stopping the agony. I weave through the huddled mass of people as my mother's words echo in my mind.

_"You fucking pissed in my closet, you don't deserve to eat! Clean it up and go to bed!"_

Alice went overboard with the party, and has strobe lights going so it's hard to see. I scan the crowd and thankfully catch a shimmer of dark brown hair in the middle of the crowd. My eyes lock on Isabella and everything else in the world disappears. She looks fucking radiant. Her wavy brown hair cascades down her back against a midnight blue halter that smashes her tits together. Her ass pokes out of her tiny black mini skirt as her hips sway to the music. She has a clear plastic cup and even from across the room it's obvious that it's empty. My heart starts to pound in my chest as she moves her hands over her body, her cheeks flushed from alcohol, her skin glistening with a layer of sweat. I take one more swig of the Jack and set it down on the table before I work my way through the crowd, gravitating towards her like a moth to a flame. The song changes and my lips curve up into a smirk as I lean forward and whisper into her ear from behind.

"You let me violate you,"

I wrap my arms around her body and pull her back flush against my chest as I hear Isabella let out a delectable moan. My mother's voice now just a distance memory, fading fast as I continue.

"You let me desecrate you,"

My hands glide up her sides and into her luscious hair. I take in a deep breath of her strawberry scent; letting it consume me and push me further.

"You let me penetrate you,"

I grip her hips and slam my prominent hard cock against her ass while she lets out a low, 'fuck.'

"You let me complicate you,"

She rolls her hips in time with mine, her head falls back on to my shoulder, and we both groan with satisfaction. I gingerly move her hair away from her neck and nip at her skin as I sing the words.

"Help me, I broke apart my insides…help me, I've got no soul to sell."

She breathes in gasps, I push my hips harder in to hers and it just makes her pant harder. Reaching behind her she wraps one of her delicate little hands in my hair, all sanity is gone, all reasoning demolished.

"Help me, the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself."

I flip her around to face me, placing my thigh between her legs so I can slide it along her heat as her eyes widen with excitement. She tilts her head back while I grip her thighs tightly, and lean forward to nibble on her collarbone, practically growling the next words out.

"I want to fuck you like an animal; I want to feel you from the inside."

My right hand slips under her skirt and I slide her thong to the side to press my fingers against her pussy. She's dripping wet, soaking wet. Fuck! I can't think anymore, I can't sing along because now I can't even remember the words. I let the music play, teasing her clit with my thumb, gliding between her folds, but never in. Her body starts to shake and I wrap my arm around her to hold her up.

**I want to fuck you like an animal**

**My whole existence is flawed**

**You get me closer to god**

Nobody can really see what I'm doing to her because of the strobe lights, and the thought excites me, it pushes me farther.

**You can have my isolation,**

**You can have the hate that it brings**

**You can have my absence of faith,**

**You can have my everything**

Her juices are spilling out on to my thigh, and as I pinch her clit between my fingers, her head falls forward on to my shoulder. I can feel her mouth on my neck, her tongue licking my skin, her lips pressing up against my pulsing vein.

"Fuck," I groan as I shove two fingers swiftly into her. So fucking hot, god, she's so fucking wet!

**Help me tear down my reason, Help me its' your sex I can smell**   
**Help me you make me perfect, Help me become somebody else**

She's whimpering, rubbing her thigh against my throbbing cock as we grind on each other. Isabella's trembling, practically vibrating from my touch, groaning in my ear.

"Ugh, Edward…Ugh, please don't, fuck, oh god, don't stop,"

**I want to fuck you like an animal**

**I want to feel you from the inside**

**I want to fuck you like an animal**

**My whole existence is flawed**

**You get me closer to god**

Cradling her in my arms, I continue to work her with my fingers, thrusting them in and out of her as I push against her clit with my thumb. She's falling apart, and when I can feel her pussy start to clamp on my fingers I bite in to her neck, sucking hard as she nearly screams in my ear and I'm glad no one else can hear her over the music.

"Fuck!"

**Through every forest, above the trees**

**Within my stomach, scraped off my knees**

**I drink the honey inside your hive**

**You are the reason I stay alive**

After pulling my fingers out of her, I grab her hand and drag her through the crowd, up the stairs, stopping only when I reach her room, the one with the new bed that I put up. She opens her mouth to talk, but I don't give her the opportunity. I smash my lips against hers, releasing a muffled groan as I slam her into the nearest wall. There's nothing in the world I want to discuss right now, not unless it involves dirty words that no respectable person would ever say in public.

Her legs wrap around my waist, her sweet strawberry taste mixed with rum fills my mouth. I thrust against her and she hums with pleasure twirling her hands in my hair. I shrug myself out of my jacket, as the kiss gets needier, more intense. This is pure desperation, pure animalistic lust. I release her mouth with a growl and carry her over to the bed, dropping her on top of the purple comforter there. She hisses at me and my lips curve up in a devious grin. I peel off my shirt and grab her ankles pulling her to the edge of the bed, quickly undoing the button of my jeans.

"I'm going to fuck the shit out of you, Isabella," I snarl at her, grabbing the top of her skirt along with her thong and tugging them off her body.

"Do it, fuck me, Edward. Make me scream for you," she moans, quickly yanking off her shirt. I hiss in a sharp breath when I realize she's not wearing a fucking bra.

I let my pants and boxers fall to the floor and kick them off as I lean forward, pressing my hands onto the mattress at her sides. Her tits bounce from the movement causing me to groan. Her nipple is directly in front of me so I let my tongue glide across the taut peak making her squirm underneath me.

"Ugh!"

I grin triumphantly at the sound of her desperatio, my cock twitches greedily. I made her make that sound. I'm the one who brings her pleasure, me.

"I'm not going to be gentle with you. I'm going to pound into you, Isabella. I'm going to make you fucking beg for me to stop." A whimper escapes her as I run a trail with my tongue, down her body, around her navel and straight to her dripping wet cunt. I'm kneeling on the floor now, my face directly in front of her core. I can smell her desire, I can almost feel it running through my veins, and it's fucking incredible

"I intend to devour every tiny bit of deliciousness I can force out of your body," I nibble at her thighs and Isabella shivers as she clings on the comforter, panting in anticipation, watching my lips caress her creamy skin. "You belong to me,"

With those words, I begin to lap at her, sucking on her clit while driving my fingers into her with purpose. Isabella's back arches of the bed, she screams out in wanton pleasure. "Jesus! Holy fuck, Edward, god! I fucking need your cock, let me taste you!"

I growl as I twirl my tongue around her tight little nub and groan as my cock becomes harder than it's ever been. The thought of her mouth on me is more than I can bear so I give in. Taking my mouth off her makes both of us cry out in despair, but I have to do it in order to lie down on the bed.

"Bring that delicious dessert over her, kitten. Come straddle my face so I can please you again," My voice is thick with lust and her eyes roll back a little. She does as she's told, placing herself so that her thighs are on either side of my face. I immediately push my tongue against her as she lets out a loud moan and I feel her tongue against my abs, my thigh, and finally my cock.

I groan loudly when she takes me in her mouth and for a few seconds I almost forget completely what I'm doing. I can't concentrate; I can't give her pleasure when she's making me feel like I'm going to explode any second. I force my lips away from her pussy and scream out in desperation.

"Fuck, stop!" She stops her ministrations and looks back at me with a confused expression as I hold her waist and guide her body down and flip her around so that she's straddling my waist. "I need to be inside you. Use my body, Isabella. I want you to fucking ride my cock."

She moans loud, nodding her head in agreement, before lowering herself on to me. Resting her hands on my chest, she begins to move along my length, her walls squeezing my throbbing dick as she circles her hips.

"That's it, kitten! Fuck, ugh, oh god!" My hands fly to her waist and then kneed her ass as she leans forward, digging her nails into my pecs while groaning seductively. "Oh, holy shit, Edward, fuck, yes!"

She's moving excruciatingly slow causing my cock to ache. I can't do slow right now, I need a release, and I need to feel her cum for me. A growl erupts from me as I flip her onto her back and begin slamming into her. I pick her leg up and rest her ankle against my shoulder so I can go deeper and harder. Her hair fans out all around her face, her arms fly up and she grips on to the headboard for dear life. I watch as her back arches and I thrust forcefully in to her kneading her tits with one hand, clutching on to her hip with the other as my stomach knots. I'm going to cum, I can't hold back.

"Fuck, you feel so good! I'm going to cum, cum for me Isabella, cum for me while I fill you," Her pussy clamps down hard on me, hers walls spasm, and she thrusts towards me as I speed up. My balls tighten in response, and I drive forward thrusting like a beast as she screams in ecstasy.

"Dear god! Ugh, Edward!" With a final thrust, I fill her, growling out as I squeeze her hips in my grasp.

"Isabella!"

The world fades away, everything in me turns to gelatin. I fall to the bed, panting in heavy gasps as Isabella crashes onto the mattress beside me, and my hearts pounds as if it's trying to escape from my chest. The voices and the memories are gone for now, but they'll be back, and I know I'll be fucked when they return. Just for the night though I can pretend, I can hide from the inevitable storm that looms on the horizon and hope that Isabella is far away when everything goes to shit.


	7. Solving You, Piece by Piece

Chapter 7

Solving You, Piece by Piece

"Life is a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing."~ Anonymous

BPOV

I smack my hand on the steering wheel of the Volvo as I drive back to the house. My sadness is still lingering, but mostly I'm just angry. I'm not sure whom I'm directing that anger towards, perhaps it's the person, or persons responsible for Edward's pain, me, god. On the other hand, maybe I've just reached the level of sexual frustration where I strike out irrationally at inanimate objects. The thought of sex makes me think of Edward's body hovering over mine and I let out a groan. It's sad that even at this point I can't help thinking of that night in his bed, of how perfectly we fit together, like two pieces of the same puzzle. I've gotten a glimpse at how broken Edward is; I know how bad he's suffering, but a part of me wants his body, craves his touch, over anything else.

If I were a sane, rational person I would be trying to help him out of the kindness of my heart, instead I keep pushing forward, hoping for something that will never happen. It's not that I don't want him to be better, I do. I just have to fight that stupid part of me that thinks that he's going to come running to me afterwards. While I drive, I work to piece together the information I already have. He said that something bad happened when he was a kid. The sight of blood and playing the guitar bring up memories of his past. He uses women like disposable sex dolls to escape from reality, and he doesn't get enough sleep, judging by the bags under his eyes, even though he drinks enough whiskey to put himself in a coma. Honestly, there are so few explanations for these facts, none of which are comforting; neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental illness.

Well, I don't think that it is mental illness. So, that leaves neglect, sexual abuse, and physical abuse, but who in his life would be the abuser? I've always heard that Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are the perfect parents, are they really though? Is there something I don't know about them? Instead of driving home, I turn into the parking lot of the local library and sit down at one of the computers. The screen for Google is glowing in front of me and before I can talk myself out of it, I'm surfing the internet for information on Esme and Carlisle Cullen. In the results, there are pages upon pages of interviews that Dr. Cullen has done with several well-known medical magazines, and as I'm scanning through an article published in 1995 with a headline that reads, "The Positive and Negative Aspects of In Vitro Fertilization" something catches my eye.

 **Harold Banner:** Dr. Cullen, you have worked in several fields throughout your short career so far as a doctor. Four years ago, you did a brief residency in Obstetrics. What do you believe, as one of the youngest and most promising doctors in the United States, is the most negative aspect of in vitro fertilization?

 **Dr. Cullen:** First, and foremost, it is an extremely expensive procedure and there is no guarantee that it will work. Some couples have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on in vitro only to walk away empty handed.

 **Harold Banner:** In the past you were quoted saying, "I, myself, have lived through the trials and tribulations of the struggle to have a child," is it possible you have some personal experience with in vitro?

 **Dr. Cullen:** That is unimportant, Mr. Banner. My personal life is just that, personal. The methods my wife and I attempted to use to conceive a child were a failed effort. We will never have children of our own, and I have come to terms with that. I see no need to rehash old wounds. Attempted…failed…never have children of our own, but Alice and Edward would be four… Maybe it was just an error. It has to be an error. I continue skimming frantically through results until I come across another article. It's in an issue of Good Housekeeping published in 1998; the title is "Little Boy Blue".

 **Esme Cullen:** This couple really forced me to think outside of the norm. They wanted to incorporate the color blue in the nursery for their son, but they didn't want to fill the room with traditional baby blue. In the end, I decided to use several other different shades of blue to make the space not only look soothing and gentle, but also playful.

 **Maria Moreno:** Had you ever designed a nursery before?

 **Esme Cullen:** No, I have drawn up several nurseries for personal use, but this is my first professional design for a client.

 **Maria Moreno:** I love how you used the checkered, bright blue cloth on the dark oak changing table, rocker, and crib, where did your inspiration for that come from?

 **Esme Cullen** : (Blush) My husband took me on a picnic for our anniversary a few months back and I got the idea from the checkered pattern of the picnic blanket. It turned out to be a very whimsical edition to the room.

 **Maria Moreno:** Sounds like your husband has quite a way of inspiring you. Do you have any children of your own for motivation?

 **Esme Cullen:** No, but we have recently started looking into adoption. It's a difficult process, but I am very much looking forward to finally having a son or daughter to take care of and love.

Adoption? My head is swimming. Carlisle and Esme aren't the biological parents of Edward and Alice…If they didn't even start the adoption process until 1998 then where were Edward and Alice? Were they in foster care, an orphanage, still with their birth parents? Had the event that changed Edward's life already happened? Was anybody there to comfort the poor seven-year-old boy? My phone rings and I take on the stares of several angry people as I gather my stuff and leave the library. As soon as I'm outside I pick it up, it's Charlie.

"Hi, Dad,"

"Bells, I've been trying to get a hold of you for two days!" I'm used to Charlie being extremely mellow so the sound of his voice worries me. "I'm sorry, my phone died, and I misplaced my charger. I just got a chance to charge it this morning." I choke out as my heart starts to race.

"Is everything okay?"

While I'm sliding into the car I hear him let out a deep sigh, and before he even answers I know that something's wrong.

"No, it's not,"

My palms start to sweat; my heart's pounding in my chest. I have to ask, I have to know, I really don't want to, but I have no choice.

"What happened?"

"There's been an accident, Bells…" My lungs collapse, I start to think of all the people it could be, Renee, Sue, Seth, Billy, Angela. For a second I think that maybe I would be better off not knowing at all. "Jacob and Leah were driving down the highway to La Push and they hit a deer."

"But they're okay. No one's dead right?" I ask with true concern. I may hate them both, but I would never want them dead. "Leah walked away with a broken wrist, but Jacob… Well, he broke his leg and three ribs, one of which punctured his lung. He's out of ICU, but Dr. Cullen wants to keep him a few more days."

He pauses for a moment, and I can hear him shuffling his feet in the background.

"He's asking for you, Bells…he wants to see you."

Fear and uncertainty immediately replace my concern. My ex boyfriend is in the hospital and asking to see me? What is the protocol for that? I mean, sure, I'm glad he's not dead, but do I really want to see him, to talk to him? No.

"I'm glad that he's okay and everything, but I really don't feel comfortable making the drive up there in the Chevy. I'm surprised it even survived the long trip down here and neither of us have the money for a plane ticket."

It's not a lie, but that doesn't stop my chest from tightening as the words tumble out of my mouth. Why do I feel so bad? Because if you had the money, you would still say no, the truth is you don't want to go. He's out of the ICU. It's not as if he's dead or going to die. He's hurt, but he'll heal. That doesn't mean that it's right. Thankfully, my dad breaks me away from my thoughts before I can continue the rather awkward fight I'm having with my conscious.

"I suppose you're right," Charlie replies with a huff of air. "Just make sure to keep your phone charged. I'll have him call you as soon as he feels up to it."

"Sure, keep me posted okay?"

"Alright, love you, Bells,"

"Love you too,"

The screen on my cell flashes as the call ends. Charlie's words begin to sink in, and my heart picks up pace. I haven't talked to Jake since the day I found him and Leah on my bed. What am I supposed to say when he calls, 'I'm glad you're not dead, but I still don't want to talk to you'? I'm already in full on panic mode when I turn the Volvo into the boys' driveway. I go to put the keys inside the house, and run into Emmett and Jasper. They're in the kitchen with a bottle of Vodka on the counter between them, right in the middle of taking a shot.

"Bella," Emmett booms, wrapping his heavy arm around my shoulder. "Drink with us!"

"Yeah, join the party," Jasper adds, pulling out another shot glass. It's a dumb idea to drink away your problems, I'll be the first one to admit that, but I can practically feel the panic dripping off my body. I need to get rid of it, this achy feeling in my gut telling me that I'm a horrible person. Jasper fills the shot glasses and I lift mine to my nose. It smells a bit like rubbing alcohol, which makes me scrunch up my face, and the thought of drinking it makes my heart race faster. I can already feel that I'm second-guessing myself.

"If you don't like it I'll pour you a real drink." Jasper says with a wink, seeming to notice my hesitation, and any reservations I had are gone.

"Cheers, Bella Boo!" Emmett clinks his glass against mine, and I tip the shot back to my lips. The alcohol burns a trail down my throat and I grimace at the taste. It's like a damn fire in my chest causing me to shake my head in disgust. I pour a glass of water and drink it down in an attempt to extinguish the flames as Emmett busts out laughing and Jasper grabs a bottle of Rum out of the cabinet. He pours red punch and rum in to a clear Dixie cup then hands it to me with a smile.

"Thanks,"

"To a night we'll never forget!" Emmett cries, taking down another shot.

"Or better yet, to a night we'll never remember!" I shout, lifting my Dixie cup. Jasper and Emmett look at each other and then at me. I start to worry that I said something stupid, but their lips turn up into huge grins as they smack their shot glasses against my Dixie cup and life is good, for now. I wake up late at night with a headache that makes me feel like my brain is going to ooze out my ears at any second. My entire head is throbbing, making my ears echo with an irritating thumping noise. How much did I drink? I can't remember anything after those first two cups of Rum and Punch. I try to think, but I find that I don't really care right now. Sleep, I just want to sleep.

"Ugh," I groan, my stomach doing flips as I roll over in my bed with my eyes still shut. I stretch out my arm, feeling it wrap around a warm body… fuck! M

y body springs up into a sitting position. The whole room spins as my stomach lurches from the quick movement. Shit…note to self, no quick movements after drinking. Ignoring the throbbing of my skull and the twisting in my gut, I look over at the body that's sharing my bed anticipating the worst. I've heard so many horror stories about girls waking up from drinking and finding out they fucked some disgusting piece of slime. Oh my fuck… As I peer down at his bronze hair it all comes back to me, the four cups of Rum and Punch, the dancing, Edward screaming out my name as my body turned to liquid. My mind starts to race. Fuck, he used me to forget. How in the hell do I feel about that? Well, I did tell him that I wanted to help, isn't sex what helps? What made him pick me? Was I a last resort? Was he desperate for a fuck and thinking that I would be an easy score? After I left him on the hill, did something happen that made him desperate?

Edward lets out a small groan in his sleep and all my attention turns to him. His eyebrows furrow in pain and on instinct, I reach forward to run my hand gently through his hair. It's so soft. My insides flutter as I watch his face relax at my touch. He looks so sweet like this, and as I gaze at his sleeping form nothing else matters. I can do this, if this is what he needs from me… Are you some sort of a slut now, Swan? No, of course not, I just want to help him.

Help him by having sex with him. Edward doesn't have sex, he fucks, and he made that perfectly clear. Besides, isn't it better if he uses one girl instead of many? Sure it is, as long as that girl is you, right? Shut up! I'm a grown woman, and I can do whatever I want. Great, now I'm arguing with myself.

I shake my head and lay back on the bed, sliding over so that I can lay my head on Edward's chest. He lets out a content sound, and in his sleep, he wraps an arm around me as I snuggle in to his side. I listen to the thumping of his heart and his even breaths, letting it lull me back to sleep. Light turns my eyelids pink, and I can feel the sun hitting my bare back. I force my eyes to open and my insides warm considerably when I find myself gazing upon a sleeping boy. He's still here.

My lips curve up into a smile as I continue to stare at Edward like some creepy stalker. Several minutes pass without movement or sound. I concentrate on the gentle beating of our hearts, the rise and fall of our chests as we breathe. Only when he starts to stir do I come to my senses and begin panicking. I've never woken up with someone else in my bed. The last time I was in his. What do you say? Do you not say anything? Do you both just get up and ignore each other? Shit, shit, shit… The only thing I can think to do is close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. In desperation, that's exactly what I do.

After a few moments, I feel movement as Edward slides out from my hold and climbs out of the bed. I hold back the whimper that wants to escape at his absence and listen as he grabs his clothes. Do I open my eyes now? Do I wait for him to leave and talk to him later? Why is there not a book written about proper one night stand etiquette? My heart is racing with adrenaline, fear, uncertainty. Just as I'm about to open my eyes, the smell of honey and cinnamon fills my nose. His face is right in front of mine, I can feel it. A hand tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and I can't help the soft hum of pleasure that escapes me. I tense in anticipation for his reaction, but whatever I'm expecting doesn't happen. Instead, I feel a pair of warm smooth lips press against mine. It takes every bit of self-restraint I have to stay still, to not kiss him back, or wrap my arms around him and pull his body flush against me. It's a short kiss, ending far too soon. He lets out a sigh, his breath blowing across my face.

"I'm so sorry, Isabella," It's not just his words that make my heart hurt it's the agony in his voice. All the joy I had moments ago is gone, and I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms. I listen to his footsteps retreat from the room. The door opens and shuts, but I force my eyes to stay closed. I can feel his loss, now that he's gone it's like a piece of me is missing. I wonder if it will always feel this way if I propose my solution to him. Will it always feel like I'm not whole? Is this how he feels all the time, like half of a person, and how do you make a person complete when you can't find all the pieces to fix them? It's like trying to find a cure for cancer. While you look for the cure, you treat the problem. That's what I'm going to purpose to Edward, a treatment.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Making Sour Lemonade

"When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade."~ Dale Carnegie

EPOV

It's almost midnight, and here I am pacing my room and pulling at my hair as I curse myself. What the fuck was I thinking? How could I use Isabella like that gain? Because you're a selfish prick and that's what you do, you use people.

"Fucking shit," I groan, sitting on the edge of my bed. All day, she's all I've been able to think about, all fucking day. It's better than thinking about my past, but I know that thinking about Isabella won't keep the memories away forever. I have to stay away from her. I've hurt everyone I've ever gotten close to, and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her. My mother's voice interrupts my thoughts.

_You're a murderer!_

I grasp the sides of my head to tug on my hair, and allow myself to picture Isabella. How am I ever supposed to stay away from her when she's the only thing that stops the pain? Easy, all you have to do is keep her away from you. Just like you did this morning, Cullen. Be mean, be ruthless, be a total ass, anything that keeps her away. If she hates you, then she won't want you around anyway.  
I lay back on the bed, my stomach twists in knots at the thought of this morning. I treated Isabella like shit.

_I barely even made it home before I got a text from Alice telling me to bring Emmett and Jasper over for breakfast. There's no saying no to Alice so I told her I was going to shower and then I would be over. After waking up the guys, brushing my teeth, and taking a quick shower, I put on some clean clothes and headed back over to the girl's house. Immediately, the smell of French toast greeted me. Not just any French toast either, but strawberry French toast- my fucking favorite. I could hear all the commotion in the kitchen from the front door. Gees, those fuckers are loud, probably still drunk._

_"Are you almost done with the French toast?" Alice whined._

_"Yes, just concentrate on not burning the eggs, Ali. I got this. Em, stop eating the bacon before I take a knife and remove your hands from your body!"_

_"That's alright, Bella Boo, Rosie likes my tongue better anyway," Emmett hollered with a laugh._

_A loud smack echoed through the house, and I suppressed a chuckle as I entered the kitchen, stopping dead in my tracks at the sight in front of me. Thankfully, everyone seemed too busy to notice._

_"Jesus Christ," I murmured under my breath. Isabella was standing in front of the stove, wearing a black apron covered in cherries over a white summer dress. She was a mess, covered in flour, eggs, and grease with her hair up in a messy bun. An image of walking up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, and kissing her neck as she giggled came to mind._

_No, Cullen. You'd just end up hurting her. I shook my head as Isabella turned around. A small smile graced her lips when she noticed me, but I refused to give her a smile in response. At that point, her smile became forced, I'm sure I'm the only one that noticed, and it was as if she punched me in the gut. I pulled out a chair and sat down as she brought everything to the table. The spread before me looked like a feast. My stomach growled at the bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns, and strawberry French toast on the table._

_My first bite of Isabella's strawberry French toast, fucking shit, it was almost as tasty as Isabella herself was, almost. Everyone devoured the food, and then slowly disappeared one by one. I watched Isabella get up and start to clean the dishes, and no matter how much I wanted to run like everyone else, I couldn't. Esme had taught me better. I got up and walked over to the sink, grabbing a towel and reaching for a plate Isabella had just rinsed._

_"I can do that, Edward, you don't have to," I didn't respond, instead I just continued to dry as she washed and rinsed the dishes. Minutes went by in silence, until Isabella cracked._

_"We need to talk about last night," she said softly._

_"No," I replied, and I saw her flinch at the harshness in my voice._

_"I want-," she started, but I snapped at her, keeping my voice low._

_"No, Isabella, I fucked up! Let it go!" I threw down the dishtowel on the counter and stormed out of the room. As I turned the corner though, I could have sworn she said, "Never."_

Did she really say that? Did I just imagine it? What the fuck is happening to me? My hands fist in my hair, my scalp is starting to throb from the tugging, but I can't seem to stop. It's as if the pain is some sort of security blanket. My phone beeps, alerting me that I have a text. I look at the screen and notice that the message is from Isabella. Shit!

My heart thuds loudly as I stare at the phone. Does she want to talk about last night? Is she mad at me about this morning? The palms of my hands sweat, and the thudding in my chest accelerates. I'm full on panicking, and somewhere in the back of my head, there's a voice screaming at me. Stay away from her, Edward. You already fucked up once. Ignore it! Fuck! My fingers run through my hair, and I can feel every nerve in my body teetering on the edge as I rest my thumb on the ignore button. All I have to do now is apply a little bit of pressure. Come on, it's for the best. I know, I know…but I can't do it, I can't stay away. I click on the view button.

**Look out your window.**

It's as if I'm on autopilot. I follow the instructions and sit on the blue fabric covered bench seat of my bay window. I have no idea what I'm looking for, but after staring out into the dark for a minute or so, I start to question my sanity. Was that message even real? Did I imagine it? In need of confirmation, I check my phone again, but the message is still there. Several minutes pass. Fuck, I waited too long to read the text… I release a heavy sigh and begin to close my curtains just as a light comes on in the room directly across from mine. The thick purple curtains slowly pull away from each other, exposing Isabella's creamy white thighs kneeling on her bench.

My heart starts to beat frantically; my mouth waters and my cock twitches to life, hardening instantly. Don't look you fucking idiot! I know I shouldn't, I know I should close the curtains and make a better effort to stay away from her, but the appearance of a black lace thong causes my mind to go blank. The only important thing now is the fact that Isabella is kneeling in her window with see through fabric barely covering her.

"Holy fuck," I murmur softly.

The curtains continue to separate, revealing her torso covered in a thin black lace corset with black ribbons tied on each side. She stalls, and I examine everything that's visible, right down to the cord for the blinds in her right hand until something catches my attention. The fingers of her left hand are playing with the waistband of her thong, oh fuck.

I want to type a text into my phone; I want to tell her to slide those fingers underneath the fabric, I want to watch her play with herself, but the movement of her hand seems to hypnotize me, I can't move. Seconds pass as she snaps the string against her side a few times.

"Oh god," I groan loudly, resisting the urge to stroke myself. It feels like an eternity, when she finally pulls on the cord and her tits appear. I can see the pink of her nipples, it's obvious they're rock hard, and my cock aches at the thought of sucking on the peaks. I reach down to adjust myself quickly and hiss at the contact.

"Jesus," I force my hand away from my length just in time for Isabella to expose her neck, and fuck; I want to mark that piece of her. I want to suck on the spot below her ear until she explodes. She pulls the curtain the rest of the way up, and I stare at the vision in front of me with awe. Her eyes are dark with lust, her bottom lip is between her teeth, and her hair is in curls around her angelic face, my dark angel. The hand on her side glides up her body and runs through her hair as her mouth opens in the shape of an 'O'. Jesus, fuck.

She smirks at me, grabs her phone, and abruptly slides off the bench. NO! I watch, stunned, as she stands and turns away from the window. My jaw drops, I've seen her naked, but the sight of her tight, perky ass in a thong is sin. My phone beeps again and without looking, I grab it. Prying my eyes away from Isabella, I quickly read the message.

**Come and get me.**

I let out a growl as I watch the curtains close. There's no saying no. Fucking shit! My legs move on their own accord, before I know it I'm running towards my salvation. It's a good thing I don't have to sneak over there because someone would have caught me with the hurry I was in to get to Isabella's room. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice are at the drive in. They won't be back for a few more hours. My feet hit the stairs in the girl's house and I'm already pulling off my shirt. When I reach Isabella's room, I throw the door open and toss my shirt to the floor. She's laying across her bed, one hand in her hair and the other between her thighs. Ugh! I kick off my shoes as I growl at her.

"Stop that right now, Isabella!" Her eyes open and her lips curve up into a smirk as I climb on to the bed.

"You are in so much fucking trouble," I groan, biting and licking her ankles, moving up inch by inch. "I suggest you remove your hand before I remove it for you, kitten."

She pulls her hand away and rests it at her side as she moans. "Edward, I-, I-,"

"What, Isabella? What in god's fucking name are you thinking? Why the fuck are you doing this to me?" I grip onto the sides of her thong and bite into her thigh making her back arch as she screams. "UGH! Treatment, fuck! I want to help you, oh god, if this is what you need then fine. I want you to use me, Edward…"

My eyes go wide as I look up at her. Her deep chocolate brown eyes bore into mine and I can tell she's serious, dead fucking serious. Holy shit! My head is spinning and my cock is throbbing. Everything I've ever thought of doing to Isabella comes to mind.

"Fuck!" I hiss, shutting my eyes tight with my fingers still wrapped around the sides of her thong. Tiny hands start to run through my hair and my insides are on fire. She starts to talk softly to me, running her fingers gently across my scalp.

"I don't expect you to love me; I don't even expect you to want anything more than to fuck me, Edward. You need this. Just let me help you, I can't see you hurt anymore. It's killing me."

Fuck, she's right, I need this…I need her. Shit! My resolve crumbles at the revelation. I open my eyes and look straight at her, keeping my voice controlled and flat.

"Fine, but nothing becomes of this, Isabella. Promise me; promise me that you won't develop feelings for me. Promise me you won't fall for me." She doesn't even hesitate and for some fucking crazy reason it makes my stomach twist uncomfortably when she answers.

"I promise,"

Forcefully, I tug on the sides of the thong, ripping the flimsy fabric and throwing it as I pull myself up. I hover right over her, supporting my weight on my arms and attack her lips with my own as she arches her body into me, crying out in a muffled moan. Her tongue rolls along mine and it's anything but gently, it's rough and forceful, and fuck, it feels fantastic. I reach for the ribbons on the sides of her corset and tug until the ties loosen and I can pull the corset off her body. Her hands slide between us and she unclasps my belt, pushing down on my pants as I throw her corset to the floor. I help her get my pants and boxers off so I can feel her skin, her hot fucking skin touching mine. Growling, I release her lips and push her head roughly to the side.

"Fuck, yes, oh!" She squeals out as I lean forward to suck on her neck.

Even her sweat tastes good. I groan as I start to grind my hard cock against her heat, and she digs her short nails into my back. I knead her tits, massaging the supple skin as I run my length across her wet pussy; all the while, I'm marking her, making her mine. After a few moments, I bite into her neck and Isabella screams, clutching on to me. "Edward!"

Wetness seeps out of her, running along my cock, and I smirk against the hickey I've created before whispering in her ear.

"Good girl, but next time you cum it will be as I'm fucking into you." Her breath hitches and I lean back, releasing her tits from my grasp.

"So if this is my treatment does that mean you do whatever I want?" I ask, cupping her pussy in my hand causing her to moan and push against me. Mm, I think I'm definitely going to enjoy this.

"I take that as a yes," I say, my voice husky and deep, applying pressure on her clit with my thumb before abruptly getting up and walking over to the bay window. Isabella lets out a loud groan and I smirk, pulling up the curtains.

"Get your sweet little ass over here, Isabella…now!" She scrambles out of the bed and hurries across the dimly lit room while I watch her tits bounce.

"Stand in front of me," I say, pointing at the area between the bench seat and myself. She walks over, nervous and confused, and I wrap my arms around her, pressing my hard on against her ass. She lets out a deep moan and I whisper in her ear seductively. "Bend over, kitten. We're going to give the neighbors a show."

"Fuuuck," Isabella says in a slow hiss as I guide her forward, bending her over so that her hands rest on the bench with my hands gripping her ass.

"You look so fucking hot like this," I groan, sliding my hand down to run my fingers between her folds. Her head snaps back as I wet my fingers in her spilled juices, and holy hell, my cock feels like it's going to explode.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Isabella?"

"Yes," she moans all innocent and sweet as I continue to play with her, stroking just the outside of her pussy, occasionally pressing against her clit. "Say it, kitten. I want to hear you say it."

"Fuck me, Edward! Please!" She cries, her hands balling up into fists against the bench. I slide my hand forward, curling her hair around it as I squeeze her ass and position myself at her entrance.

"Scream for the neighbors, Isabella, make sure they know exactly who fucking owns you," I growl, thrusting deeply into her as I pull on her hair.

She screams my nsmr and the sound goes directly to my cock. I'm aching to cum, desperate for it after less than a minute of being inside of her. I move faster, as I smack her ass hard, trying to take deep breaths so that I can last.

"Fuck, Edward,"

"Louder, I want everyone on this fucking block to know you're mine," I growl, picking up speed, pulling roughly on her hair.

"E-Ed-Edward!" She screams, sliding forward from the force of my thrusts. "FUCK!"

I continue to take deep breaths, but I'm not going to last much longer, I need to cum. I want her to be facing me when she cums though, I want to have better access to her. I release her hair and slip out of her, pushing her forward on to the bench and turning her to face me. Climbing onto the bench seat so that I'm on my knees, I grab her legs roughly and wrap them around my waist as I slam back into her.

"OH MY, FUCK!" She cries as I shove her back against the glass, pounding into her fast and hard, holding her ass cheeks in my hands. Her pussy starts to throb, begging my cock for release as her nails dig in to my back. Fuck, the pain feels good. My stomach coils in anticipation of my climax, and I'm so close, I'm so fucking close.

"You're going to fucking cum for me and I want you to bite me as I cum inside of you, my dirty girl…Cum for me, cum for me and sink your teeth into me, mark me," I snarl, and I can feel her lips on my shoulder. Without wavering, she bites down on my shoulder, letting out a muffled scream as her walls spasm around me. "YES, ISABELLA!" I growl, both our hearts pounding ferociously, both our bodies shaking as I spill inside of her. Her teeth release me and I kiss her deeply, wrapping my arms around her body and squeezing her tightly while the rest of the world slips away. Nothing has ever felt this good. My previous words come back to me, 'Promise me you won't fall for me'. Shit, what if I fall for her...


	9. When You Wish Upon A Star

****PLEASE READ TO AVOID CONFUSION****

_Texts are in italics._

**Voices over the loud speaker are in bold**

**_Song lyrics/Music are in italics and bold_ **

Chapter 9

When You Wish Upon A Star

"Destiny has two ways of crushing us - by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them." ~ Henri Frederic Amiel

BPOV

I look at the clock again, 5 hours and 18 minutes, it's only been 5 hours and 18 minutes since I last touched Edward, and I'm already desperate for him. How am I supposed to survive the next 30 hours and 42 minutes?

You act as if he's across the fucking country. He's going to be in the same place you are, Swan!

Yeah, but he won't be able to touch me, not with all the others around… The thought of Edward touching me brings back images of last night, images of fucking him in the shower, him pinning me against the cool tile…ugh! My phone vibrates and I pull it from my pocket, it's a text from Edward.

_I'm going to kill Emmett if I have to listen to one more Lil' Wayne song…Can you tell Alice that mom and dad are going to meet us at the gate? They already bought our tickets._

I shake my head and suppress a laugh as I tell Alice about Esme and Carlisle, and then, in a stroke of genius, I send him a text back.

_But Lil' Wayne's so sweet make you wanna lick the wrapper. Lol =)_

I send the message and I get one right back.

_The only thing I want to lick is you._

Oh god, my legs turn into Jelly, and my heart starts to pound. I look at the clock, 30 hours and 36 minutes left. Fuck my life…

"I love this song!" Alice squeals, turning the music up in Rose's BMW. I hear the beat and recognize the song immediately. Okay, it's official, the universe hates me.

_**Maybe I need some rehab** _

_**Or maybe just need some sleep** _

_**I got a sick obsession** _

_**I'm seeing it in my dreams** _

_**I'm looking down every alley** _

_**I'm making those desperate calls** _

_**I'm staying up all night hoping** _

_**Hitting my head against the wall** _

_**What you got boy is hard to find** _

_**I think about it all the time** _

_**I'm all strung out, my heart is fried** _

_**I just can't get you off my mind** _

_**Because your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love** _

_**I said your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love** _

The song keeps blasting through the speakers as Rose and Alice sing along in the front of the car and I try to ignore it. I hate this song; well not really, I just hate that it reminds me of my obsession with fucking Edward. It makes me wish I could have just told them why I've been avoiding them all week, at least then maybe they would have let me ride with him on this long ass trip. I couldn't tell them though, that would have violated rule number 2 of the treatment rules, keep it secret.

Although, if I had told them why I haven't been hanging out with them, Alice wouldn't have felt bad about not spending time with Rose and me. Therefore, we never would have ended up coming along on the Cullen summer family trip to Disneyland. So, I guess I can thank my lucky stars for the treatment rules because not seeing Edward for 36 hours would be fucking torture.

_**Won't listen to any advice** _

_**Mommas tellin' me I should think twice** _

_**But look into my own devices, I'm addicted its a crisis** _

_**My friends think I've gone crazy** _

_**My judgments gettin kinda hazy** _

_**My esteem is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick crack head** _

_**What you got boy, is hard to find** _

_**I think about it all the time** _

_**I'm all strung out my heart is fried I just cant get you off my mind** _

_**Because your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love** _

_**I said your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love** _

Seriously, this song sounds just like me. Well, minus the mom part. I wouldn't ask my mom for advice on this for all the money in the world. She'd probably give me tips on sex and that's the last thing I want, or need. The way Edward fucking moans my name, well, I have to be doing something right… my thoughts are overcome by Edward's groans and I can feel my arousal ruining my third pair of panties.

Shit! For Pete's sake, we've only been fucking for a week, and already, I'm hooked on fucking him like some kind of heroin addict.

Ha! That's right, because you agreed to this for the fucking, how long are you going to keep lying to yourself?

You have the same reaction to him when you think about his smile, or he says your name, he intoxicates you. The only reason it was so easy for you to promise not to fall for him is that it was already too late. I let out a mental sigh because it's true. I've already broken treatment rule number 1, the most important rule, don't fall in love…I'm so fucked.

_**I don't care what people say** _

_**The rush is worth the price I pay** _

_**I get so high when you're with me** _

_**But crash and crave you when you leave Hey, so I gotta question** _

_**Do you wanna have a slumber party in my basement?** _

_**Do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum? Is my love, your drug?** _

_**Huh, your drug Huh, your drug, Huh your drug Is my love, your drug?** _

_**Because your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love I said your love your love your love is my drug** _

_**Your love your love your love** _

The girls stop singing just as I hear my phone ring. Expecting Edward's voice on the other end for some reason, I rip it from my pocket and answer it without even looking at the number.

"Hello," I say, barely able to get the words out of my mouth fast enough.

"Hey, Bells," a rough voice answers. My heart drops into the pit of my stomach because it's definitely not Edward, mother fucking, shit, fuck…

"You there?" the voice asks.

I want to hang up, but Charlie would kill me, I have no choice.

"Um, yeah, Jake…what's up?"

"Nothing much… Listen, Bells, I know I messed up," It's exactly what I expected of course.

I thought I could handle this, but now I know I can't. I can't listen to him apologize because there is no way in hell I'll be able to forgive him. It's just not possible. "Stop," I cut him off before he has the chance to continue.

"Just don't, Jake."

"I really didn't mean to hurt you," he continues, and from the tone of his voice, I know it's the truth, but it doesn't change anything.

"Damn it, Jake," I sigh. "What part of the word 'don't', do you not understand? I don't want to talk about this."

"I know, but I can't hold it in anymore, Bells. I never intended to have sex with Leah. She came on to me that day and it just happened."

I let out a growl of frustration and press my head into my hand, which gets Alice's attention. She looks at me from the passenger seat with a concerned face and I wave her off. I don't want an audience for this. I didn't want to get into this in the first place, but fine, if he wants to get things off his chest, then so do I.

"That's bullshit, Jacob Black! You couldn't keep your eyes off her. She could have been my damn mother and you would have fucked her."

I saw the way he looked at her, like she was a fucking filet mignon. I'm not a moron.

"You know that's not true. I never showed the slightest interest in her! I only ever had eyes for you. You were my whole world."

"Oh my god, that is such a load of shit! You fucked my stepsister in my bed you prick! Do you even realize how idiotic you sound right now?" I say the words through my teeth as the hand that's not holding my cell balls into a fist.

"I'm just trying to fucking apologize here."

"Well, save it, I don't give a flying hell if you're sorry... Just because you lived doesn't mean I owe you forgiveness. So take your apology and fucking shove it!"

"AGH!" I scream as I hang up the phone and throw it down on to the seat at my side. The car's dead silent. I know they both heard my rant, but the girls say nothing.

We pull into the parking lot at Disney, and the boys pull in next to us. We've been driving most of the evening to get here and even though we have a half hour to spare before the gates open for the day it's not enough time to go by the hotel so we just change in the car. It really makes me wish that Edward's Volvo had tint. Honestly, I want to crawl into the back seat of that Volvo and fuck the shit out of him right now, rule number 2 be damned. Rosalie and Alice lace fingers with Emmett and Jasper when we step out of the car. I have a feeling Alice sent Jasper a text about what happened in the car because everyone's extremely quiet, great. Edward gives me a sad smile and comes to walk by my side as we make our way to the front entrance.

"Sorry," he whispers to me, placing his hand gently on my lower back when no one's looking. The simple touch lights my skin on fire, and I give him a warm smile.

"Mom, Dad!" Alice screams, releasing Jasper and running straight into the arms of Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

This is the first time I've seen them since I found out about the adoption, and if I didn't have proof, there was no way I would believe it. Carlisle has blonde hair and bright blue eyes, but Esme looks exactly like Alice and Edward. She has the same bronze hair and green eyes as Edward, and I swear her nose has the same swoop as Alice's…

"Bella, it's so nice to see you. I was so sorry to hear about you're stepsister. How's she doing?" Esme asks, with genuine concern.

Fine, the slut's just fine.

"She's fine," I lie. I haven't talked to Leah at all since the move.

"That was quite a nasty break she had. Is the cast getting in her way a lot?" Carlisle asks.

"Come on, Dad. I thought you left the white coat at home," Edward states, changing the subject, and I swear I could kiss him right now, stupid fucking rule number 2.

"I suppose your right, Son. How's the new house?" Carlisle and Edward start talking about the house, but the speakers cut in and the welcome ceremony starts. I have to admit Disney really knows how to hook you in because the next thing I know Emmett's hollering my name.

"Bella Boo, come on!" The group is walking through the front gates with their tickets, and I have to run to catch up. There's a huge crowd, so everyone locks hands as we push our way through the chaos of people. I can't even see who's holding my hand, but the feeling I get in my body when he grips tighter is a dead giveaway. We emerge on the other side and for the first time, I understand the joy in everyone's voice when they talk about Disneyland. A gorgeous pink castle stands tall, glistening like magic in the morning sun. The smell of candy and pastries fills my nose, the sounds of giggles and laughing in the air. People are running, racing to different rides, grasping onto the hands of their loved ones.

"Isabella?" Edward asks, dropping my hand and cutting me out of my trance. "You've never been to Disneyland, have you?" The others are all trying to discuss where to go first, something about Splash Mountain or Space Mountain.

"Uh, no…My parents never really had the money to take me," I reply with a blush. "It's pathetic, I know." "No, it's not. Nothing about you is pathetic," he says softly and my blush deepens.

"Space Mountain it is!" Carlisle announces, grabbing on to Esme.

"But I want to see Tinkerbelle!" Alice whines, pouting her lips Everyone laughs at her childlike outburst, turns out that Disney really does bring out the kid in you.

"Majority rules, sweetie. We'll find her later," Esme says as Carlisle pulls her away, and she squeals with delight.

Edward's hand latches on to mine again, and we're running through the park, weaving around people, laughing like idiots. It feels so good, no, better than good, it feels right. After riding Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, the madder horn, the teacups, and any other ride we can find we finally take a break. I'm exhausted already, but I don't think I've smiled this much in years.

"So, we're going to find Tinkerbelle after we're done with lunch, right?" Alice asks for the 20th time.

"Yes, Alice!" Everyone answers and we all burst into another round of laughter. Alice blushes, I think that's the first time I've ever seen her embarrassed, and it's somewhat nice that it's not me for a change.

"Don't worry, sis, we'll find your fairy," Edward says, reaching for her fries.

"Better yet we could just dress Edward up in a green tutu and have you take a picture with him," Emmett jokes. "Besides, that will give us more time to find Sleeping Beauty, that chick is hot."

Rose smacks Emmett and gives him an evil stare.

We do end up finding Tinkerbelle and Sleeping Beauty, Minnie and Mickey too. The picture with him is the best; it has all of us in it, and we're all standing in front of the castle with big goofy grins on our faces. The sun goes down and soon it starts to get late. Sleeping Beauty's castle is lit up, shinning like a star in the night. People with hats and glow in the dark necklaces begin to fill up Main Street, a lot of them pushing strollers with passed out kids. The day is almost over and with the fireworks starting soon, it's apparently time to claim your viewing territory.

Carlisle gets us all hats at a shop, Rose and Esme get princess ones, Alice sports a tiara and a wand, and I settle for a pair of Minnie ears with my name on the back, not Bella, but Isabella, which makes Edward smile. All the boys get Mickey ears with their names on the back too, even Carlisle. We look like a bunch of dorks, but it doesn't matter. I watch as our group snuggles into pairs, Alice and Jasper sit on the curb of the street beside Rosalie and Emmett. Standing behind them, Carlisle wraps his arm around Esme and she curls into his side. I feel a little out of place, but then I feel Edward pulling me behind Carlisle and Esme. I look at him confused and he shakes his head at me.

"It's okay. Watch the fireworks, Isabella," he whispers, wrapping his arms around me just as a voice starts coming from the speakers and beautiful colors burst out in the sky.

**Once upon a time, there was a magic kingdom made of hopes and childhood fantasies, a timeless place where every plan was filled with wonder, a place where everyone who entered its gates would be given the gift of the young at heart, the power to wish upon a star, and unlock its magic. Are you ready to wish upon a star? Then it's time to open your heart, and remember dreams come true.**

**Starlight, Star bright**

**First star I see tonight,**

**I wish I may, I wish I might,**

**have the wish I wish tonight.**

**We'll make a wish and do as dreamers do**

**and all our wishes, will come true.**

My heart thuds in my chest, my eyes get misty from an overload of emotion as my arms break out in goose bumps, and Edward squeezes me tighter. I sneak a glance at him, he's looking at the fireworks, appearing as dazed as I am. As I look at him, I find myself making a wish, a silly wish, but a wish I can't help but make. I wish Edward loved me like I love him…

_**When you wish upon a star,** _

_**makes no difference who you are,** _

_**anything your heart desires will come to you.** _

**In 1955, a magical place was formed and in this marvelous kingdom, there lived many delightful friends who made our dreams come true, an enchanting place where storybook heroes and daring adventures waited around every corner. When your heart is filled with dreams.**

I watch the lights on the castle change, and the glow of fireworks as I snuggle into the warmth of Edward's arms, enjoying the few brief moments of happiness, naming of the Disney characters in my head as I hear their lines.

**I wish I could go to the ball.**

Cinderella.

**I'm wishing someday my prince will come.**

Snow White.

**I wish, oh, I wish I could be apart of that world.**

Ariel.

**I wish we never had to grow up. Off to Neverland!**

The lost boys.

**Jiminy, some day I wish I could be a real boy!**

Pinocchio.

**Genie, I wish you were real.**

Aladdin.

**Tonight we're going to share a wonderful dream come true, together.**

**In 1955, a man named Walt Disney dreamt of the magical kingdom. To all that come to this happy place. Welcome! Disneyland is your land, be ready to live fond memories of the past and through you we'll see the promise of a future. Disneyland is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, and the hard facts that created America. With hope, it will be a source of joys and inspiration to all the world.**

Walt Disney's words surprise me…wow, what a genius. Dozens of fireworks shoot up in the air, and I watch in awe. A bunch of funny music, and fan fare plays, but I'm too dazzled to think, I just watch the show while my insides smolder. Occasionally, I can feel Edward's eyes on me, and it makes my insides even hotter. The voice comes back through the speakers, and I'm really trying not to cry. It's all so powerful, so utterly magical…

**Today, Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom has grown to become the happiest place on Earth to millions the world over, a place where anything is possible, where every dream can be a wish upon a star.**

I feel like I'm a puddle of mush, holding back tears like a baby, but just as I'm about to fall apart Edward turns me around in his arms and looks straight into my eyes. He pulls a strand of hair out of my face and rubs my cheek with his hand and my heart thuds wildly.

"Make a wish, Isabella," he whispers, leaning forward until his lips press against mine. There are no thoughts running through my mind, just the smooth warm taste of Edward filling my senses as the finale begins, fireworks popping in the background. His hands cradling my back gently, his lips moving softly and slowly across mine, and there is nothing else in the world. There is nothing but Edward.

**Wishes, dream a dream, Wishes, set 'em free, Wishes, just believe, Just Believe, Just Believe When all hope has you blue, wishes are what sees you through. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true. Make a wish and dream as dreamers do Make a wish, when everything seems blue Make a wish. Wishes! Make a Dream, Wishes! From your heart, Wishes! And your wish will come true! Remember, dreams come true.**

His lips pull away from mine, his arms release me, our eyes lock for the briefest moment in time, and I see something in them, something I've never seen before…love, Edward Cullen loves me...


	10. Conducting The Train to Disaster

Chapter 10

Conducting The Train To Disaster

"Rowe's Rule: the odds are five to six that the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train."~ Paul Dickson

EPOV

At this point, I know I'm destined to destroy her; I just don't have the strength to stop myself. The train is careening down the tracks, speeding out of control, and the crash is inevitable, but I can't pull on the brake and stop myself from crushing her. If I were a good person I would run, I would sacrifice my happiness to save her. I won't though because I'm selfish and I need her. She's my new addiction, more potent than heroin and a million times more addictive. She's not like a shot of whiskey, or a bunch of one time fucks.

She has feelings, real feelings, Cullen. She's kind and caring. Fuck, she's giving herself to you in some crazy attempt to save you.

I know, damn it, I know! I'm setting us both up for disaster. What makes matters worse is that I can see that look in her eyes that glimmer of hope, and I don't want to disappoint her. I don't want to tell her that I'm not worth saving. So instead, I'm continuing this treatment and letting myself get comfortable, letting myself feel things I shouldn't.

Simply because I want to, I want to give into her and live in the fantasy world she's created. I want to be able to give her everything in me, but the truth is I can't, because there's nothing left of me to give…

The past week, every night had been better than the last, every touch more intense and heated than the one before. I roll over on the hotel bed to peer at the clock, it's 1 in the morning, and my alarm is set for 6. I should be asleep, but I can't seem to shut off my brain so I close my eyes and allow myself to think about my week of salvation. I slept so much better with Isabella beside me.

_Everyone was already asleep when I snuck over that first night, including Isabella. I was supposed to wake her up so we could talk about the treatment, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She looked so peaceful, wrapped up in her purple comforter. It didn't make me any less disappointed though, I had wanted to have her after our little talk…I let out a sigh and stood at the foot of her bed, admiring her content face in the moonlight. I knew it was weird to watch her sleep like that, but just having her near made me feel better than I had felt all day. After debating with myself for several minutes, I stretched out on the bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her carefully. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep, and for the first time in years, the dreams didn't haunt me. Isabella had woken me up prior to the sun rising and after taking care of a rather large problem, I went home and got another hour or so of sleep. Unfortunately, it wasn't dream free…_

The sound of movement breaks me out of my thoughts before they have a chance to continue. I open my eyes, and find Jasper rolling around on the pull out couch, talking in his sleep. "Sergeant Whitlock reporting for duty, Sir…penguins, why yes, I love penguins, Sir…no, Sir…purple and blue tie dye sandwiches…Cake with my hat…mm, sarsaparilla," I shake my head, rolling my eyes at his randomness. Isabella's sleep talk was much more fascinating; of course, she never talked enough to satisfy my curiosity.

_We were out on the grassy hill the second night. We'd actually been there for a few hours, hashing out the rules of the treatment, when she'd fallen asleep. I planned to let her sleep a little longer so I picked up the list she had written out to read over it again._

_Rule 1: No falling in love._

_Rule 2: Keep it secret._

_Rule 3: Must remain exclusive. The treatment will end if at any point, one person sleeps with, or becomes involved with, someone else._

_It was a short list, but it seemed to cover everything._  
\- 90  
 _"Edward," Isabella murmured softly, and I looked down at her, wanting to watch her open her gorgeous eyes._

_She was on the ground with my sweatshirt balled up underneath her head, her eyes still closed, and her breathing even. Oh, she talks in her sleep… My lips curved up into a mischievous grin. Jasper sleep talks, so I'd learned over the years that if you ask a sleep talker questions in their sleep they might actually answer them. I leaned forward to whisper in Isabella's ear, inhaling some of her strawberry essence._

_"What is it, Isabella?"_

_"So scared…"_

_My eyebrows pulled together in confusion._

_"What are you scared of, kitten?" I asked, my heart beating in my chest like a drum._

_"The emptiness…make it stay away," I ran a hand through my hair, repeating the words in my head. It didn't help at all. It just made no sense._

I let out a sigh, trying to think of a happier memory. As soon as my eyes shut again, the sight of Isabella tumbling down the stairs one morning assaults me

_"Are you okay?" I asked, trying to suppress the laughter building in me. Isabella gave me an evil glare, nodding her head in answer while I helped her to her feet._

_"Lucky the guys aren't here. There's no way I would have been able to explain all that noise," I teased as we walked to the kitchen for a glass of water._

_"Oh, I suppose, I could have claimed you were stair sleeding." I let out a laugh, but Isabella just cocked her head at me in confusion._   
_\- 91_   
_"You know, laundry basket… stair sledding…" I stated, trying to explain my reasoning as she continued staring at me, appearing even more confused._

_"No way! You have to be kidding me! You've never been stair sledding?" She shook her head, and I pulled her up the stairs. I quickly grabbed a shallow laundry basket from my room, and set it at the top of the stairs while Isabella watched curiously._

_"In," I said, pointing at the basket. She looked at the basket, the stairs, and then me, before shaking her head. "I don't know, Edward…This can't be safe."_

_I cocked an eyebrow at her. "_

_Seriously? You just fell down all these stairs, and you walked away just fine. Get in," She sat down in the basket, with a furrowed brow of worry. I gripped onto the back and she looked up at me with a frightened glance. I couldn't stand to see her scared so I tried to reassure her._

_"Trust me," I whispered softly, and her eyes softened. "Alright, now hold on."_

_Isabella squeezed the sides of the basket tightly and I gave her a gentle push. She squealed in surprise, laughing the whole way down; it was so nice to hear her laugh._

I chuckle softly to myself, and begin to relax. After a few minutes, I'm beginning to drift into sleep when a hacking noise comes from the other bed in the room. My eyes snap open at the sound of Emmett's snoring filling the small space, resembling a growling grizzly bear and an idling semi truck. Fuck, can't a guy get some sleep? Rolling over again, I try to block out the noise with memories of earlier today. Memories of holding Isabella's hand, watching her smile…the fireworks.

She was so sad when everyone started pairing off. Honestly, I just wanted to make her happy. I grabbed her arm, and pulled her body against mine. I had felt it immediately, that warm feeling coursing through my body at her touch. This week it had gotten stronger, and throughout the day, I had found myself gravitating in her direction. Ignoring my body's reaction, I tried to watch the fireworks, but it became impossible when I felt the heat of her gaze. Her arms broke out in goose bumps, and I could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. I'd never seen her look so incredibly beautiful. My heart skipped a beat or two as I gazed at her. Memories of the past week raced through my mind, Isabella laughing, her radiant skin glowing in the moonlight, her soft voice saying my name in her sleep. I couldn't help myself; I had turned her towards me and told her to make a wish. Her eyes sparkled with surprise, but when my lips hit hers, there was no hesitation, no resistance. I had cradled her in my arms, every inch of my body burning in the most exquisite way, and for a few moments, my past meant nothing, the world meant nothing… Isabella became everything…

"Yes, ma'am…oh, Ali, baby…right there," Jasper mumbles, interrupting my thoughts once again. Yuck! That's it! I need some fresh air! I jump out of bed, and pull the sliding glass door open, stepping out into the cool night in my sweats and white cut off shirt. It's dark out and I can't see much, but at least it's quiet.

"Is everything okay, Son?" Carlisle asks, and I jump, startled. I look over and see him sitting on the porch just to the left of mine. He sets down a book he must have been reading and shuts off the small book light he had on, I hadn't even noticed that.

"Jeez, you scared the hell out of me," I say, running my hand through my hair nervously. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, the hospital has me doing crazy shifts and it's messing with my sleep schedule," he answers as he stands up and walks to the railing closest to me. "What about you, still having nightmares?"

"Most nights, but I haven't even gotten the chance to go to sleep yet with Jasper's sleep talking and Emmett's snoring."

"Those boys," he shakes his head, chucking softly. "Your room always sounded like a zoo when they stayed over."

He looks over at the sliding glass door of his room, most likely checking on Esme.

"Is Mom still having nightmares too?"

He nods his head in response. There's few people who know exactly how to talk with me about my past, Carlisle's one of them. He never pressures me to give him details. He just tries to comfort me, which is why I can never tell him the truth; he can't know that it's my fault that my father is dead.

"I keep telling her that it wasn't her fault… No one knew. She hid it well…" I say. "You know Esme. She feels like a failure. All those years she wanted children, but she didn't notice her own sister abusing her nephew."

My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach. It's times like now that I wish I had just died that night. Esme shouldn't feel guilty. It's my fault that my father's dead and everything that happened afterwards…all of it is my fault. My face must show my disgust with myself because Carlisle jumps right into his standard comforting line.

"She doesn't blame you for anything, Edward, and neither do I," he says, stopping abruptly. He nods, acknowledging someone behind me. I look over my shoulder to find Isabella standing on the porch to the right of mine. How much did she hear? Fuck! Not yet, I can't lose her yet…I'm not ready!

"I'm going to try and get some sleep," Carlisle says, picking up his book and light. "Good night."

After Carlisle leaves, I let out a sigh and turn fully to face Isabella. Her face is relaxed, her hands are in the pockets of her black pajama pants, and her tits are practically spilling out of her gray tank top.

"How much did you hear?" I ask, somewhat rudely. She bites her lip and I know she heard…She knows I'm adopted. It's only a matter of time before she figures out the rest, shit.

"I should really go to bed," I say, turning for the door, freezing with my hand on the latch when I hear her seductive voice, and all rational thought ceases to exist.

"Meet me in the hallway, Edward." I glance over at her, and she has that lust filled look in her eyes.

A groan escapes me as she disappears inside, and I'm already rock hard…fuck, she's good. Driven by my cock, I rush through the room. Tiptoeing, I grab my room key and shove it in my pocket. She's already waiting in the hallway when I open the door, and as soon as I see her, she pulls me towards the open elevator. She presses a button and I take a quick look, the pool on the roof?

"The pool, but its clo-," her lips cut me off, smacking against mine.

Her strawberry taste and smell kicks my arousal into overdrive, and I'm falling fast into oblivion. I let out a groan into her mouth, shoving her into the side of the elevator, burying my hand in her hair. She's so fucking warm, so soft. She moans as I grind my length into her, breathing in panted uneven breaths. The elevator dings and Isabella pulls away as the doors open, revealing a dimly lit hallway with a glass door. I can see the glow of the pool through the glass, but it's obvious it's closed.

"Come on," Isabella whispers, dragging me out of the elevator and towards the door. She pulls a bobby pin from her pocket. Astonished, I watch her pick the lock and open the door.

"How in the hell do you know how to do that?" I ask, incredulously. She replies with a shrug and smirk, taking off towards the pool.

"Come and get me, Cullen!" She yanks her shirt up over her head, stopping by the edge of the water to step out of her pants…Jesus. I watch mesmerized as she dives into the pool, completely naked. Her head surfaces, she's giggling, smiling at me, and glowing like a fucking angel, my angel. Mine…my stomach flutters at the thought. I quickly pull off my clothes and jump into the pool, swimming in her direction.

Within seconds, I have her body pinned against the edge of the pool. Her hair's soaking wet and sticking to her face, her eyes are twinkling with excitement, and we're both panting in short bursts. I reach up and caress her cheek with my fingers, making her eyes close in contentment, so beautiful.

"Is somebody out there?" A muffled voice says, causing Isabella's eyes to snap open. We both look over to the door and see a silhouette of a guard through the glass.

"Shit!" I hiss under my breath, scanning the area around the pool for an escape route, but the only other doors are the bathrooms.

Maybe the bathrooms will have a separate entrance into the hotel. I put my finger in front of my mouth signaling Isabella to be quiet. Then, I start to guide her along the wall of the pool until we're out of sight of the door. We climb out of the pool and I grab our clothes swiftly as I hear the jingle of keys. Just as the latch on the door clicks, we duck into the women's bathroom, both of us breathing heavily. I look around, and it's clear that there's not another entrance. All that I see is a few bathroom stalls, some showers, and a sauna in the shape of an "L" with a small window in the door.

The footsteps of the guard get close so I pull Isabella into the corner of the Sauna not visible from the window. I wrap my arms around her so that her front is flush against my front and my back is against the wall. Something is poking into my back, but I'm entirely focused on Isabella's heart pounding in her chest, fluttering as wildly as mine is, causing every inch of me to tingle with warmth. Our eyes lock, my still raging hard on presses into her stomach, her nipples strain against me and we listen to the footsteps echo through the bathroom, stopping on the other side of the door.

We hold our breaths while seconds pass and the heat in my body continues to build. Finally, the steps retreat and I can hear the door to the bathroom open and close. Isabella breathes out a sigh of relief, and her breath hits my face, hot and sweet. The overwhelming heat, it's too much. I let the clothes drop to the floor and smash my lips to her in a passionate embrace. I slide my tongue across hers, slow and gentle, reveling in the sweet perfection that is Isabella. Her hands burrow into my hair and she rubs my scalp as my fingers begin to run along her sides and back tenderly. Carefully, I guide her down onto the pile of clothes on the floor and begin to kiss her cheeks and neck while moving my hands to her gorgeous tits.

"So soft…Isabella," I whisper, caressing her tits with care, occasionally running my thumbs over her nipples, as she arches her chest into my hands. I suck one of the taut peaks into my mouth, massaging the other one as I roll my tongue across her nipple.

"Oh, Edward," she pants, her skin covered with a thin layer of sweat, and I realize that it's not just me heating up it's the whole room. I release her nipple and look up quickly at the wall. The switch for the sauna is there, we accidentally flipped it on.

"Please," Isabella whimpers and my full attention turns back to her. Her eyes are heavy with pleasure, her hair is lying out around her, and her mouth is open in an "O" shape.

"As you wish," I reply, positioning myself over her. Her hot arms wrap around me and I press my length against her heat causing her eyes to droop. I push forward, sliding into her and its like home.

"Oh god," I whimper softly as I start to thrust slowly, admiring the flutter of her eyes as I push forward. It's different, so different then ever before. Her legs wrap around my waist, the heels of her feet digging into my ass with every thrust. I lean forward, ravishing her neck with hot, wet open mouth kisses as Isabella moans into my ear.

"Edward, yes, oh, oh god," It's as if I'm floating, completely intoxicated and spiraling out of control, with every thrust, the feeling increases in intensity until I'm drowning in it, consumed completely by Isabella. "Ugh! Isabella, oh my god," I whimper into her neck, clinging onto her shoulders as my stomach coils into knots.

"Oh! So close… please, cum with me… cum inside me," Isabella pants, and I crumble to pieces, releasing in her as she convulses around me. I bury my head into her neck as I start to shake uncontrollably. Too much feeling…it's just too much. Tears pour from my eyes, soaking her skin. Her arms squeeze me tightly and she starts calmly stroking my hair, holding me together as I fall apart, I'm absolutely terrified. The train is going to crash soon because I'm irrevocably in love with Isabella… and I destroy everything I love…


	11. The Untold Story

Chapter 11

The Untold Story

"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you."~ Maya Angelou

BPOV

The drive home was just as excruciating as the drive to Disney, but even more so, because I couldn't stop worrying about Edward. Last night was incredible, the way we moved together, well, it wasn't exactly making love, but it was still amazing... We had sex in that sauna; we didn't fuck, we had slow and sensual sex. There was heat in his touch, passion behind every movement he made. It was like I was falling the whole time, the world blurring around me as Edward consumed every piece of me, but as we climaxed the trembling of his body took over, and I could feel the agony practically pouring off him. Above everything else, anything that he could have been feeling in that moment, the main emotion coming through was agony and it hurt to know that he couldn't feel the love I had been feeling.

He came apart in my grasp, shaking for an hour before he finally stopped. I didn't know what to do so I spent that hour stroking his hair and back, and listening to his heart wrenching sobs that tore me apart and made me ache horribly for him. After we left the sauna, he completely shut down. He walked back into his room and mumbled a goodnight. He hasn't said a thing to me since. We got home, and he went inside without a glance at me. After a lot of debating with myself, I decided to give him some space, some time to process. Well, that and I was roped into an afternoon with the girls watching girly romance movies. We watched The Notebook, Titanic, and Moulin Rouge, none of which helped my sadness at being unable to help Edward considering that one of the main characters dies in each one of those movies. Thanks a lot for making me feel a million times worse Alice and Rosalie!

Of course, I blamed the fact that my eyes watered on the movie instead of telling them the truth, stupid rule number 2. I let out a sigh as I lie back on my bed, looking up at the ceiling of my dark room. For a few minutes, I try to make patterns in the shadows on the ceiling before I pull out my phone again; hoping to see a text or a call from Edward, but there's nothing. I'm not surprised I guess, since there has been nothing the last forty billion times I have checked today. Maybe I should send him a text.

If he wanted to talk to you, he would. Leave it be, Swan.

I know, but I can't just wait around anymore like this, knowing that he is hurting. It's killing me.

Tough shit, he obviously wants to be alone right now. Let the boy have some space. Letting out a groan, I set my phone back on the bed. No more than a few seconds pass when I hear a click as my doorknob starts to turn, and my heart begins to beat erratically in my chest. I jump up out of the bed as the door opens and Edward walks into the room, shutting the door softly behind him. He stands there for a moment, and I take the chance to get a good look at him. His eyes are red, his hair is in messy disarray, and he's wearing the same clothes from this morning, but somehow they seem disheveled and worn on his slouched body as if he's been wearing them for a week. The mask he hides behind is slipping, and for the first time he truly looks like a broken man. I want to run to him and hug him, but he beats me to the punch.

He walks forward quickly, wrapping one arm around my body, squeezing me tightly to him, and I can feel his fingers pressing hard into my skin. Burying his free hand in my hair, he presses his lips against mine, and I can taste the bittersweet cinnamon and honey that is Edward. The smell of it fills my nose, but it has very little power over me because at this moment I can feel the agony in his kiss. It burns like vodka and makes my eyes well up with tears, but I don't have any desire to stop him. Instead, I clutch onto his back, pushing myself into him so he can kiss me deeper, so he can pour all his pain into me because I want to take it away for him. I want to rid him of all of his suffering so that maybe he can finally begin to heal.

He stumbles over to the bed, pulling at my clothes with fierce desperation, groaning with need. I can feel the hurt in him more with every jerky movement, with every bit of pressure that he applies on me. There's a ripping of clothes, a discarding of fabric in haste before we fall onto the mattress. Without his lips leaving mine, he lies atop of me. His entire weight presses down, his hard cock grinding on my soaked heat. The force of his rough kisses causes me to breathe in pants, taking in as much air as I can get when his mouth shifts on mine. All the while, his hands paw at my body, pulling at my hair, pressing into my tits and bruising my skin. I drag my nails into his back in response, feeling the trickle of blood on my hands as I pierce his frail body. I know it has to hurt and what he's doing is hurting me, but it's more than just physical hurt. Everything hurts, my heart, my body, my mind.

He pushes into me, plunging hard forward as tears begin to fall from our eyes, drenching pillows, and sheets. There's nothing to feel, but lust and pain, such excruciating pain! I squeeze his shoulders tightly as the agony from him continues to spill over into me, every thrust driving it farther into my body. He finally pulls his lips away from mine and I scream out his name in a mixture of agony and pleasure. I'm unsure of who is in the house to hear, but at this point, I don't give a flying fucking hell.

"I can't stop," he says in chocked out sobs, tears falling onto my chest as he thrusts faster, holding onto my hips with a death grip. "I need you…I need you to make it go away…It hurts, it hurts so fucking bad. Make it go away, Isabella, please."

"I know, its okay, its okay…," I whimper, through my tears while matching his thrusts. "I'll take it away."

He drops his head onto my shoulder, and I can feel his teeth gliding across my skin. I brace myself for the bite as my stomach coils in knots. "Just give the pain to me, Edward. I'll take it all away," I say calmly, both of our bodies trembling. As soon as the words leave my lips, his movements become manic, he bites into my shoulder, and it's too much. The pain sets off my release as well as his.

"I LOVE YOU, EDWARD!" I scream, pulsating around him as he cums inside of me, the words coming out of my mouth like a prayer as if somehow those magic words will make the agony inside of us both disappear. Edward freezes, stiffening immediately and starts quickly crawling away from me, shaking his head in horror at the situation before him. I can see the shift in his eyes from agony to anger and before I know it, he's out of the bed.

"No, no, we made a deal," he murmurs, running a hand through his hair while continuing to shake his head furiously.

"This," he gestures between the two of us. "This is nothing, it can never be anything! Look at what I just did to you. You can't love me!"

"But I do, I love you," I choke out, tears starting to cascade even more heavily down my cheeks as I watch his body shake. I can feel that there is blood on my shoulder, there is even a little on Edward's mouth, but as I watch him pull on his tattered and ripped clothing, the anger in me starts to build, shadowing my hurt.

"Stop! Stop running away from me." I yell as he rushes to exit the room. I slide in between Edward and the door, still naked, and give him one hard shove to the chest before I start screaming. "Just tell me why I can't love you! Is it because you don't love me back? If it is then go, I won't make you stay. However, if it's because of this thing that's eating you up inside, if it's because of this horrible past that you're hiding from me then tell me!"

His eyes go cold; in the dim light, they're almost black and he actually looks frightening, like a creature of the night, but I won't give up, not now. I can see his mask crumbling all he needs is a push, just one little push.

"Tell me what a little boy could have done to deserve this pain. Show me the truth behind the mask," I say, softening my voice. "If you want me to let you go, then tell me why I shouldn't love you."

I can see pass the anger in his eyes to the agony inside as the last bits of his mask disintegrate, and then he explodes, the truth coming out in short livid bursts. "It's because I'm a murderer! That's why!" he says, pausing for a moment, fisting a hand in his hair as tears pour out of his eyes. "I was responsible for my father's death and my mother beat me to hell for it…then, I killed her…I stabbed my mother to death, Isabella." His eyes scan my face, his hand tugging mercilessly at his hair before he screams out again. "Seventeen times, I stabbed her SEVENTEEN TIMES! It was like once I started, I couldn't fucking stop… She called me a murderer and she was right... she was right all along."

He shoves me out of the way, and runs out my door. I hear the front door slam, but I can't seem to move. I'm completely in shock. My brain goes into overdrive as I try to comprehend what I have just heard. No…no, he couldn't have…Edward…no. Edward killed his mother…Edward killed his mother… No matter how many times I repeat it in my head I still can't make myself believe. My breaths come out in short bursts, and my legs begin to buckle as my feelings bubble over; rejection, love, disbelief, mental, physical, and emotional agony. I tumble to the floor, shaking out of control until my seizing body allows me to curl up into a ball, and my tears cascade freely onto the hard wood floor. A few short minutes later, I hear Alice's voice. The words make no sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. She coaxes me off the floor and onto the bed before putting me into clothes and giving me a glass of water. I take it from her, barely able to hold the glass in my hands.

"Bella?" Alice asks, her voice finally breaking through the haze. I peer up at her and her face is sad, her eyes sunk in with pain. The resemblance is too much and I force myself to stare down at the blanket instead. Alice crawls onto the bed, wrapping her tiny arms around me and begins to rock me slowly, side to side. I wish they were his arms…

"Edward," I croak out softly, my eyes stinging and unable to produce any more tears.

"I know," Alice replies, smoothing down my hair. "I know."

That's how we stay as minutes pass, or hours, I don't really know. Alice is quiet the whole time. She just holds me and strokes my hair, occasionally telling me that it will be okay and it just proves even more that he couldn't have killed their mother. Because if he did, I don't think Alice would ever forgive him…how could you forgive someone for killing your mother, it's just not possible. My thought process runs cold as my eyelids fall heavy, and I can't fight it anymore. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted so I give in to sleep. I wake up a couple of hours later to find Alice sitting on my bed, holding onto a small picture frame and staring at it affectionately.

"It wasn't always bad. In the beginning we were the perfect family," She says softly, showing me the picture. I look at the picture nestled in the black frame, and I'm surprised to see a happy looking family portrait. Edward's father, I presume, looks exactly like an older version of Edward except his hair is the same stunning shade of black as Alice's. His vibrant green eyes sparkle with exuberance as he holds a handsome bright-eyed young Edward on his lap, looking all too much like the perfect father.

His arm is around a stunning women with hair the most glorious shade of bronze, but eyes that are a strange intense grayish green. From what Edward said earlier tonight about his mom beating him, I had almost expected her to have horns and the face of a beast, but in the picture, she appears to be the perfect wife and mother, clinging to a very enthusiastic and gorgeous young Alice with a wide grin on her face.

"She changed after Dad died," Alice explains, probably seeing how surprised I am.

"What happened?"

She lets out a sigh and shakes her head a little.

"I can't tell you everything, Bella. In fact, I probably can't tell you what it is that you really want to know. It's not my place, but I guess I can tell you what I can."

I give her a nod of acceptance and she continues.

"Well, I guess the best place to start is with our father. He was a musician, like Edward. He played the guitar, and Edward loved watching him play. Even when he was an infant Esme says that the sound of it soothed him. Often times he would be mesmerized for hours on end when Dad picked up a guitar. He showed a lot of interest in learning, but he was too young. When we turned five, Dad wanted to start teaching him, but he was starting school in a few months and Mom wanted to wait until he was six so he could get used to school first.

They argued over it for a while, well, not argued more like bickered, until Dad wore Mom down and she agreed to let him get it for Christmas. So, they scrimped and saved money and when it got closer to Christmas, they ordered a guitar for Edward. Dad was so excited about sharing his passion with Edward that he even had it personalized for him. Anyways, he was working a lot at his day job as a waiter at a local restaurant so the only time he had to go pick it up was Christmas Eve. He was driving home from the music store when a semi truck hit him; the driver had gone too long with out sleeping and had fallen asleep at the wheel, Dad died instantly." She pauses to collect herself, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes. I reach for her hand, that's still clutching the picture, giving it a squeeze and she nods in thanks.

"It was hard on all of us, and as the months passed Mother started to act strange. She would leave us at home alone most of the time and whenever she was home she was sleepy. Later we figured out it was because she was drunk from all the vodka she was slamming down. She took Edward out of school, threw away all his toys, but things didn't start getting really bad until our six birthday. That's when the abuse started."

Alice places the picture frame on the bed so she can turn fully to face me, and takes both my hands into her much smaller ones.

"Only Edward can explain to you why he did what he did and why he feels what he feels, but I don't blame him for what happened to our mother. She went crazy after Dad died and she should have gotten help instead she took her hurt and anger out on Edward. The rest of the story is his to tell. It hurts me to know that he hates himself so much for what happened though because I love him and I could never hate him for what he did."

She releases my hands, picks up her picture frame, and walks towards the door, stopping just inside the frame.

"Get some sleep…and we'll talk about how long you and my brother have been fucking behind my back some other time," she says with a smirk, before she disappears out of sight.

I stare at the empty door for a moment, and then, I lie back on the bed, taking a deep breath. I wonder who else heard us. Does everyone know now? It's not like it matters. Everything is fucked up now anyway. How are you going to help him now that he doesn't want you to? I don't know…I roll over, letting myself drift back to sleep before the tears have an opportunity to start again. I dream of the happy little boy in the picture, growing up with two loving parents, and becoming the glorious man that's lost inside the sex crazed, broken Edward that I'm madly in love with.


	12. Looking for The Answers

Chapter 12

Looking For The Answers

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."~ John Lubbock

EPOV

Just because I have been expecting the crash doesn't mean that I'm prepared for the destruction.

"I LOVE YOU, EDWARD!"

It's like a nuclear bomb explodes inside of me when I hear those four words fall from Isabella's mouth and I hate myself. I hate myself for a lot of different reasons, but none more than for somehow making Isabella believe that I'm worthy of loving. I mean, fuck, I just practically raped her. I move away from her as quickly as possible, shaking my head in horror. She can't love me, she can't fucking love me! I won't let her!

"No, no, we made a deal," I murmur, running a hand through my hair while I continue to shake my head furiously. "This," I gesture between the two of us. "This is nothing, it can never be anything! Look at what I just did to you. You can't love me!"

"But I do, I love you," She says, choking on the words as tears start to cascade heavily down her cheeks and I'm devastated at the damage I've caused to the sweet, innocent Isabella I once knew. I start to shake, pulling on my torn up clothes, trying to get away from her as fast as possible. I can't cause her anymore damage than I already have, my heart just can't take it.

"Stop! Stop running away from me," she yells as I rush to exit the room. She slides in front of the door, still naked, and the light makes it so that I can really see everything I've done to her, the red spots on her skin in the shape of my fingers starting to show, the bite on her neck, and it makes me ridiculously angry with myself. She shoves me back and her hand sends heat through my body, but I ignore it, I have to get the fuck out of here. I have to get as far away from Isabella as possible.

"Just tell me why I can't love you! Is it because you don't love me back? If it is then go, I won't make you stay. However, if it's because of this thing that's eating you up inside, if it's because of this horrible past that you're hiding from me then tell me!" Her words are ones of desperation, but what she says makes perfect sense. I love her, I love her so deeply that I can't make her hurt anymore, this has to end, right here and right now. Can I really tell her though? Do I have the strength to let her go?

"Tell me what a little boy could have done to deserve this pain. Show me the truth behind the mask," She says, softening her voice. "If you want me to let you go, then tell me why I shouldn't love you."

She's right, she needs to let me go, and she deserves to know the truth, to know how truly fucking horrible I am. "It's because I'm a murderer! That's why!," I say, forcing the words out before pausing for a moment, fisting a hand in my hair and I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes. "I was responsible for my father's death and my mother beat me to hell for it…then, I killed her…I stabbed my mother to death, Isabella." I watch Isabella's features morph into a confused expression so I continue, pulling on my hair, and reveling in the physical pain that it brings as I push forward. "Seventeen times, I stabbed her SEVENTEEN TIMES! It was like once I started, I couldn't fucking stop… She called me a murderer and she was right... she was right all along."

With little effort, I move her out of the way and race down the stairs. I don't want to be around when the words sink in, when she will become disgusted and horrified by me. I'm out the front door in a matter of seconds, and I make it about a foot off the porch when I run into my sister.

"What the hell is going on? I heard Bella scream. How long have you been-," she stops abruptly, looking me over. "Oh my god, you told her..."

"Of course I fucking told her. She had to know the truth, the reason why she shouldn't love me. She needed to know that I'm a monster."

I walk quickly away from Alice because I don't want to hear her make fucking excuses for me, but I'm not out of earshot fast enough.

"You know that's not true, Edward. You only did what you had to do, it was justified!"

Justified, I've heard that word used more times than I can remember, and no matter how many times I hear it, it never seems to make it any more acceptable. How is stabbing your own mother seventeen times justifiable? Stabbing her once might have been justifiable, but seventeen times? I jump into my car without a thought as to where I'm going, and by the time I pull out of the driveway Alice has disappeared into the girls' house.

I drive off into the night, miles separating me from anyone or anything, and eventually, without Isabella around to keep the memories away, my thoughts fall upon that night, the night everything changed forever.

_Alice was in her room playing dress up with the dolls she had gotten for her birthday that morning. I had gotten nothing, not that I expected anything. I was in my cupboard, underneath the sink, reading one of the books that Alice brought home from school for me. The cupboard had become one of the few places that I felt safe. The lack of light didn't even bother me anymore. Over the past year, I learned that as long as I stayed out of sight then most of the time my mother wouldn't bother to look for me. Whether that was because she was too drunk or just didn't care, I didn't know._

_The television was on in the living room, but my attention was focused on reading under the dim light of a flashlight. I only noticed it when I was caught off guard by the nasally, high-pitched voice of the nightly news anchor._

_"…and now to Tom Knightly for the 6 o'clock weather report."_

_Six o'clock…mother would be home soon. The words in the book became unrecognizable as my hands started to shake. I was afraid, but I was prepared for the worst that night, I was expecting it. The front door slammed, and I held my breath in terror. The moment I had been dreading was here, she was home, and I was in big trouble._

_"Edward Anthony Masen, where the fuck are you, you little shit! Get your ass out here," my mother screamed, and her raspy voice made me tremble._

_I had to get to her fast or my punishment would be that much more severe, but I couldn't make myself move. I just sat there, still and quiet as a statue._

_"Don't make me fucking find you, boy!"_

_A few moments passed before I finally choked back my anxiety and slid out from the cupboard. I found her standing in the living room, clothes hanging on her frail body, her eyes the color of morning fog with a hint of green, and when she reached for me, I didn't even flinch. Her hand gripped my arm, and she squeezed it tightly. Her fingers wrapped completely around my tiny bicep, pressing into my already bruised skin as she started to scream._

_"What the fuck is this? Hm?" She held up the letter I had addressed to my Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle, stamped with return to sender. My writing was sloppy because I'd taught myself, but it was still legible._

_I'd missed them since they moved away to Washington, and the letter was nothing more than a few sentences. I told them I missed them, that I wished they would come back, and that I needed them, but the letter would never see its intended recipients. I'd forgotten to put a stamp on the envelope, which I'd realized the moment I had dropped the letter into the mailbox, but it was already too late. I wasn't supposed to send letters, or talk to anyone. Mother said that murderers weren't worthy of socializing. I saw the quick movement before I felt the hard slap across my face. After all the times I'd been hit, the stinging of my cheek didn't faze me._

_"Do you really think they give a shit about talking to you?" She asked as she dragged me to the kitchen. "Do you think they give a flying fuck about what the murderer has to say?"_

_She pulled a bottle of vodka out of the fridge and started gulping it down like water. I could feel my arm starting to throb with pain so I tried my best to hold in my tears, to hide them from her, but she noticed, she always noticed._

_"What, are you going to fucking cry?" She took another swig of the vodka and then slammed it down on the counter_. "Well, come on _then, cry, murderer!"_

_Her hand released its hold on me as she shoved me. My back hit the handle of the fridge hard and I let out a yelp as shots of pain surged through my body. That was definitely going to leave a bruise._

_"You can do better than that. Cry like you mean it, murderer! Come on!" She began reaching for plates from the cabinet and started tossing them in my direction. The ones that I managed to dodge shattered to pieces at my feet while a few hit my legs, my arms, and my stomach. Big, wet tears fell from my cheeks and mother let out a cheer. "That's it! Cry you little shit!"_

_The room filled with my mother's manic laughter before it stopped abruptly._

_"But don't expect me to feel sorry for you. Don't you ever expect me to forget that you killed my husband! You ruined my life! You ruined everything!" She swept her hands across the counter, knocking dirty glasses and plates to the floor. A few of the shards flung out towards my legs, cutting my skin as Alice emerged from the hallway. She looked at me, and then, at mother as she started to cry, but mother didn't even notice, she was too far-gone. I hurried over to Alice's side, and pulled her down the hall to her bedroom while her tears fell more rapidly. I shut the door, locking it behind us as I attempted to soothe my sister._

_"It's okay, Ali, just crawl under the bed. It will be over soon. I promise." She shook her head adamantly in refusal while the sound of breaking dishes and mother's screams filled the house._

_"I'll kill you! I swear it, I'll fucking kill you for taking him away from me!" She had said those words before, but something about the way she said it this time made me quiver with fear. I just had this feeling in my gut that she actually meant it._

_Hiding my true feelings from Alice, I carefully placed my hands on her shoulders, and attempted to give her a warm smile._

_"Do you remember what I said last time?" I asked, and she gave me a nod. "I want to hear you say it, Ali, what did I say?"_

_"You love me more than anything and everything will be okay as long as we have each other," She choked out, between tears._

_"That's right," I replied, giving her a kiss on the forehead before I helped her slide underneath the bed._

_Alice's cries got softer, an eerie silence consumed the house, but it didn't last long. I heard the sound of stomping feet getting closer and closer to the room as my mother came stampeding down the hallway, stopping just outside. There was a click noise when she tried to turn the doorknob and my heart started to race in my chest._

_"Unlock this fucking door, you murderer!" She pounded her fist against the door, causing the frame to vibrate and my hands began to sweat. When no one responded, the shaking stopped, and mother's voice turned sickly sweet as she changed her tactics._

_"Come on, Mary Alice; open the door for mommy, Baby." Underneath the bed, Alice only cried louder. The words that would have once been music to my sister's ears now stung like venom._

_The pounding started again, more forceful than before and I could hear the crackling of the cheap wood as it gave way, pieces of it flying everywhere and there she was… Her eyes were the color of storm clouds, alight with frightening exuberance, a shade of gray that made me sick to my stomach. A psychotic grin was on her face, and in her hand, she held onto a 6-inch stainless steel butcher knife, squeezing the handle so hard that it turned her fingers pale white. I froze as she walked towards me, bracing myself for the pain that death would surely bring, but I found that I was ready; I was ready for the hurt to go away. This was it…she was going to kill me, and I was finally going to be free of her._

_"NO!" Alice screamed, bringing me back to my senses. She ran towards mother, grabbing the arm that wielded the deadly knife. I watched as my mother's gaze went from me to Alice, and she screamed, her voice full of malice._

_"You're protecting this murderer? You traitorous little bitch! I'll kill you, I'll kill you both!"_

_That's when mother made the biggest mistake she could have ever made. She turned towards Alice, and I watched her hand clutch the knife tighter as she prepared to push it forward into Alice's chest. Alice's eyes glossed over with sheer terror. Time seemed to stand still, it felt like even my own heart stopped beating. Then, suddenly my body exploded with adrenaline and fierce protectiveness._

_"ARGHH!" I cried out as I ran at mother, slamming into her and tackling her to the floor, prying the knife from her fingers. I hardly registered the shock on mother's face when I plunged the knife into her chest feeling the resistance as it worked its way pass bone, muscle tissue, and fat. I felt free when I watched the life leave her eyes, when she bled out beneath my tiny body, but I was so angry; I hated her, I fucking hated her so much that I just kept going. I stabbed her repeatedly as blood splattered my clothes, my face, and my hands. I couldn't stop not even with Alice's blood curdling screams echoing in my ear._

_"Edward! Edward! STOP!" After what seemed like forever, the knife fell from my hands, and I scurried away from the body to where Alice was curled up in the corner. She let me wrap my bloodied arms around her, and we sat there, holding onto each other in shock as she cried hysterically._

I pull over to the side of the road, and hop out quickly. Cars whiz pass as I vomit on the shoulder and it's at this point, that I look up and see where I am. You have to be fucking kidding me? I'm right outside of Patxi's Chicago Pizza. Chicago…the city I was born in, the place of all my haunted memories. It's a sign, my own personal fuck you from the universe. Well, fuck you, universe. Fuck you right back! "Fuck you!" I scream aloud to nobody. It feels like my insides are made of barbed wire and every tiny movement increases the pain ten fold, and right now, I want to be fucking happy. I want to run back into Isabella's arms and beg for her comfort, but I'm not worthy of her. I'll never be worthy of her… I'll stay away from her. I'll stay far away.

My phone rings obnoxiously, and I grab it out of my pocket…Great, just fucking great, of course, it's the one person that I can't ignore. I click the accept button and Esme's voice fills my ear.

"Hi, honey,"

"Hi, mom, what's going on?"

I wipe off my mouth, head over to the car, and reach into my glove box to grab my bottle of mouthwash while her words of concern pour through.

"Well, Alice said you ran off, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," I lie; swish some mouthwash, spit it out, and then, continue. "Stop worrying about me."

"That's what moms do, we worry. We worry about our kids because we love them."

"Well, apparently mother didn't get that memo," I mumble low to myself, but I guess not low enough for Esme's super sonic hearing.

"Maybe you should come home for a while, sweetie. School doesn't start for a few more weeks…I'm sure dad could get you an appointment to see Dr. Davis."

I let out a sigh and sink into my seat. The last person I want to see is a therapist.

"You know I gave up on that shit. It's fucking pointless." Esme lets out a deep sigh; I could almost see her in my mind, pouting her lips anxiously.

"Alright, but you're going to have to face this eventually. Just know that I'm here for you, Edward. I'll always be here for you."

"I know, thanks, Mom." After a quick goodbye, I hang up the phone and press my hands into my face. I let them fall from my eyes and I see the neon light for the Patxi's Chicago Pizza again as Esme's words run through my head, 'You're going to have to face this eventually.' Something clicks and I turn the key, taking off Eastward.

What are you doing?

I have no fucking clue, but I know where I'm going…


	13. Fear Woman When She Loves

Chapter 13

Fear Woman When She Loves

"Let man fear woman when she loves: then she makes any sacrifice, and everything else seems without value to her"~ Friedrich Nietzsche

BPOV

I'm startled awake late in the morning by Alice shaking me frantically, her normal chipper voice full of terror.

"Damn it, get up! Get up! He's gone!"

"What? What's going on? Who's gone?" I ask, springing up into a sitting position on my bed, still half-asleep.

For a moment, last night seems like a bad dream, but when I open my sleepy eyes and see Alice darting across the room, digging into my drawers, it's easy to remember that is was all real. Part of me can't even believe that it's Alice at all. Her hair is in messy disarray, and her clothes are mismatched. It's as if she just fell out of bed, and threw on the first thing she could get her hands on. I've never seen her look so disorganized.

"Edward, I got a text from him while I was sleeping and now he's not picking up his phone, not even for Mom and he never ignores her." My heart starts beating erratically with worry, but I push it back in hopes that Alice is just freaking out. My hope diminishes, however, when she tosses me her phone with the text from Edward on the screen.

**It's time to stop hiding behind the mask, and be myself. It's time to face the past. Love Always, Edward**

Something about the words makes my insides cringe. The words themselves are meant to come across as comforting and hopeful, but coming from Edward, they seem to be doing the exact opposite.

"Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it," Alice says, and without even looking at her, I know tears are spilling out of her eyes because I can hear it in the tenor of her voice. "We have to find him."

A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach forms a deep gnawing pain, and I know she's right. Something is wrong, but no matter how much I want to start panicking, I can't, not when Alice is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It's not going to help if we both fall to pieces. She tosses clothes at me, and I pull them on at a normal pace, trying to keep myself as calm as possible while she taps her foot on the ground impatiently

"Are you sure he's not just off on a drive or something?" I ask, in an attempt to soothe her while my head fills with dozens of different horrifying scenarios.

"I'm positive."

I nod my head in agreement and point to the keys in her hands.

"I'll drive."

She hands over the car keys, turning to walk out of the room as I trail behind her. On the way out of the house, we pass by a dazed looking Rosalie.

"Where are you two going?" she asks, her perfectly reasonable question cut short by the door closing behind us.

In the silence of the car, I recognize another feeling lingering under my worry and terror at Edward's disappearance. The emptiness that I generally feel in Edward's absence is familiar to me, but the intensity of it right now frightens me. It's a thousand times worse than it's ever been. I don't think I have ever felt this vacant, this lost. The only way of describing it is as a sensation of drowning at sea, gasping for air in the choppy waves, and no one can see me treading the water furiously, trying to keep my head above water. Both our phones ring off the hook, name after name coming up on the screens.

The phone calls start predictably with Jasper, followed by Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle. After a while, it gets to the point that we're forced to put our cells on silent to stop the incessant ringing. We drive around all day, looking for Edward in all the usual spots, holding onto a tiny sliver of hope that we will find him. The more we search though, the more fearful we become and the more that hope dies. By the time the sun goes down my emptiness is almost consuming me, combined with my fear and desperation it's a dangerous combination. I'm left no longer treading the water with all my strength, instead I'm letting myself sink further and further into the pitch-black ocean, barely able to breath.

"Is there anywhere else you think he might be, Bella, anywhere at all?" Alice asks, a stray tear falling down her cheek. I wish that I could tell her yes, if I were able to give her that answer honestly, it would put both our minds at ease. Regretfully though, I have no more information to give.

"No," I respond with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Alice, but I just don't know…"

She gives a nod in understanding, rests her head against the back of her seat, and stares out the window into the now dark night. We're both silent on the short drive home, all hope completely wiped away and replaced by overwhelming failure. When we open the front door, everyone is waiting to attack us, asking questions that I have no desire to answer.

"What the fuck were you two thinking running off without telling us where you were going?" Rosalie hollers, her voice becoming soft half way through, most likely from taking in the ragged appearance of both Alice and me. "

Did you guys find him?" Emmett asks softly, looking like a little lost boy, his eyes alight with optimism.

"Are you alright, Ali baby?" Jasper is the most concerned, but his concern lies only with Alice, which is expected.

Reaching forward he wraps his arms around her, and I watch as she breaks out in tears again, falling into his arms, unable to hold herself up anymore. The unstable emotions are too much for her to handle, and with my final bit of control, I push my way pass everyone and climb silently up the stairs. The last thing anyone needs is to have to comfort another person right now.

"It's okay, Ali. I'll take care of you. I won't leave your side, darling." My heart aches with longing as I hear Jasper's whispering words of comfort and understanding. "Come over to our place, you can sleep in my bed."

It seems like a miracle that I can summon enough strength to close and lock my bedroom door behind me. My body feels so heavy with disappointment, sadness, and fear that I practically have to drag myself across the room, where I collapse onto my bed. I let out a heart-wrenching scream while burying my face in my pillow to muffle the sound, every inch of me trembling with a flood of emotion.

Slowly, the real world fades off into the distance, bringing me into a dream-filled slumber.

_I find myself on the grassy hill, lying naked next to Edward underneath a starry sky. My eyes never leave him as he gazes up at the stars with a carefree expression, his pale skin taking on a slight glow from the light of the full moon. After a while, he gazes over in my direction, his lips pulling up into a loving smile so radiant that it makes me gasp in surprise. He lets out a small laugh, and my cheeks flush with embarrassment at my outburst. Affectionately, he raises his hand to my face so that he can stroke my burning cheek with his fingertips, his touch gentle, warming the rest of my body from the inside out._

_"You're so beautiful that it almost hurts to look," he whispers, his piercing green eyes shimmering adoringly. He rolls so that he's hovering above me, his lips just inches away from my lips, and I can smell him, the warm cinnamon and honey of his breath making me dizzy with want. I let out a soft moan when he leans forward a little, and I can feel his already hard length press against my naked body. Instinctively, it makes me squirm, desperate for contact, for friction._

_"God, I love you, Isabella," Edward groans, before his lips crash down onto mine, tender and passionate, forceful and lustful._

_We both hum with pleasure, reveling in the taste of each other as if it's been weeks or years since we've been together. I feel his hands on my sides, gliding across my skin, leaving a heated trail in their wake, and when they begin to massage my breasts, I cry out into his mouth. Without hesitation, Edward gently pushes forward, filling me as he makes leisure circles with his fingers around my taut nipples, and my body starts to quiver, my insides smoldering with heat. While he rocks slowly into my body, hitting a spot that makes my toes curl in sweet torture, he releases my lips, and kisses his way down from my mouth to the peaks between his fingers. My hands roam his back as his tongue twirls around each f my nipples before he sucks them into his mouth while I cry out his name between panted breaths._

_I thrust upward and we move in time with each other, matching the rhythm of the waves crashing just a short distance away like a synchronized dance. I can feel my stomach curling with anticipation, each movement he makes getting me closer and closer to the edge. With every passing second the intensity of Edward's thrusts increase, causing him to remove his mouth from my nipples, and instead place open mouth kisses on my shoulders and neck, sucking and nibbling on me as he lets out deep guttural moans._

_"Oh, ugh, god, Isabella, oh!"_

_"Ugh! Yes, oh!" I cry out, slipping my hands from his back up into his hair as he pushes into me, deeper and harder. There's a sense of desperation, a need to release built up inside of me so great that when he reaches between our two bodies, and presses against my clit with his thumb I release immediately, screaming out as I spasm around him. "I love you!"_

_"Oh, god, yes, Isabella, god I love you," he groans, rocking hard into me a few more times before he stiffens inside of me, climaxing as he rests his head in the crook of my neck. We both heave out in panted breaths of exhaustion, spiraling slowly down from ecstasy together. Edward kisses me one more time, resting his hand on my cheek as he slides out of me and pulls his lips away, making me feel empty and lost. My heart pounds in my chest, my body begins to tremble, and suddenly, I'm gasping for breath, unable to force any air into my lungs. Edward does nothing, his face takes on a lifeless expression, the shimmering in his green eyes disappears, and he just stays positioned over me, unmoving, while watching me struggle to breathe. Why isn't he helping me? Why?_

_"You can't love me," he whispers, giving me a sad smile. "It's time to face the past."_

I awake with a jolt, my body screaming with exhaustion from the long day, my heart filled with sadness at the outcome of the wonderful dream and promise at the possibility that I may have finally realized where Edward is. Picking up the phone, I dial Alice's number; it takes a few rings before she picks up, sounding both sad and panicked.

"Did he call you? Is he okay?"

"No, he didn't call me, but I think I know where he is…well, sort of." I reply, my voice as unsure as my words. "Is it possible he could have gone back to where it all happened?"

There's complete silence on the other end of the phone followed by typing on a keyboard. "Pack your things, Bella. We're on the first flight to Chicago. It leaves in two and a half hours."

The phone clicks and a beeping tone sounds in my ear. I crawl out of bed, and begin hastily packing a few days worth of clothing in an overnight bag. Two and a half hours is hardly enough time to get ready and arrive at the airport for boarding, but I'm determined to make the flight. Unfortunately, while rushing into the bathroom to gather up my essential toiletries, I'm side-tracked by a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Holy hell! You look like shit.

The person in the mirror looks like some cracked out version of my former self. My hair is puffy and knotted, my eyes are blood shot with dark purple bags, and every inch of me has black and blue finger shaped bruises. I know I'm in a hurry, but Edward can't see me like this so I force myself to take a shower. To save time, I toss my hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant into a bag after using them while I dry off with my free hand, but I'm once again distracted.

This time, however, it's by Achilles. The frog is sitting on the counter, his mouth hung open as if he's dying to say something, his sad black beady eyes staring up at me, and I realize, to my complete surprise, that I've given Achilles the wrong name. He's Edward; he's always been Edward… A couple of silent tears fall from my eyes, and I drag myself out of the bathroom, trying my best to avoid yet another reminder of my broken lover.

Jasper drops us off at the airport, and I wave goodbye before giving the two of them a moment together. Alice is still disheveled, but seeming to come to the same conclusion as I did, she's taken the time to fix her make-up, clothes, and hair to appear a bit more Alice like. When we're safely aboard the flight, which we arrived to with moments to spare, my mind starts to wonder, and even though I try my best to avoid thinking about Edward, it's impossible not to.

Every memory I have of him, whether sad or happy, is another fracture to my already damaged heart. I'm not naïve or stupid, I know that running off to help him like this may do nothing. I also know that even if Edward recovers from his past, that doesn't mean he will ever think himself worthy of love. I don't expect him to cradle me in his arms like some fairy tale prince charming, or for us to have a real life version of happily ever after, but for me, the risk is worth the reward. Because as long as he has the chance to be that kind, gentle, sweet man that I know he is deep down, then it makes the large possibility of destroying my heart and giving up my own happiness completely worth it.


	14. Hell and Something Better

Chapter 14

Hell And Something Better

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."~ Wendell Berry

EPOV

One state after another, I watch the country trail behind my window. The drive is long, and I have to stop at a couple of rest stops to get a few hours of nightmare-filled sleep. Money is not a problem, but I try to stick to the cash I have to avoid a paper trail. I do not want to be disturbed on this journey. I just want to face this so that maybe I can finally escape it and move on with my life. My thoughts are a cloudy haze of uncertainty and what ifs.

What if things had been different? What if the police had not determined my actions justified? What if I had been arrested and imprisoned for killing my mother? Would I have put more effort into the mandatory counseling, and told the shrinks about how my mother blamed me for my father's death? Would I have closure if they had forced me to suffer for my actions?

The constant barrage of questions in my mind is buried only by the recollection of memories, both good and bad; visits to the Lincoln Park Zoo, family picnics, trips to Lake Forest beach, my father's funeral, and hours of being locked away in the pitch-black closet with nothing to do. In the past 12 years, I have not once freely thought of these things. Every memory has been an assault on me, an unexpected attack upon my psyche. Yet now, I let myself remember with the hope that facing these memories head on will allow me to escape the black spots on my past for good. All seems well enough until I reach the border of Iowa and Illinois. The closer I get to the Welcome to Illinois sign the more my heart starts to race, the harder inhaling air becomes until finally I have to steer my Volvo off the road. I come to a stop about 50 feet away from the dreaded sign, panting for breath, slamming my hands against the steering wheel.

It's just a fucking sign, Cullen.

It feels like so much more though. It's like the first step into the bowels of hell.

That sign is a symbol of everything I fear. It represents the part of me that I ignore, the part that's still a little boy seeking desperately for affection, who's grieving the loss of his father, who wishes that his mother would rock him to sleep at night and kiss away his pain. The tears are unavoidable and they fall down my cheeks heavy as lead as I try to force air into my lungs. After a few moments, I grip onto the steering wheel, put the car in drive, and press my foot cautiously down on the gas.

"It's just a sign, a stupid fucking sign," I murmur to myself as I pick up speed and merge onto the road. I plow across the boundary line, forcing back my sudden desire to vomit as a memory works its way to the forefront of my mind.

_"How are you doing today, Edward?" Dr. Andrews asked, handing me a small piece of peppermint candy._

_"Fine," I lied, taking the candy from him and shoving it in my mouth. I didn't feel fine. I didn't feel anything. Every morning for the past year, I had been taking these little blue and white pills, and every day I felt a little emptier, more zombie like. I hated going to therapy in the beginning, but I found I didn't even care anymore, not about therapy, not about anything. Every week I ended up back on the couch in Dr. Andrews' office, eating another piece of candy, avoiding conversation. Sometimes, I would just stare at the wall, doing nothing, saying nothing._

_"We're going to focus on fears this session. Can you think of some things that you're afraid of?" He asked, with a smile. I responded with a nod and he continued. "Alright then, we'll start by listing different things we're afraid of, starting from the smallest fear to the largest. I'll go first, I'm afraid of spiders."_

_"Gray clouds," Dr. Andrews lifted an eyebrow at me in question, but I didn't care to tell him that gray clouds reminded me of mother's eyes so he jotted down something in his notepad and moved on._

_"I'm afraid of heights."_

_"Green Eggs and Ham," He gave me another quizzical look, and once again, I didn't care enough to tell him that mother used to read it to me every night before dad died, that I couldn't even think about it without missing her, the old her. I didn't want to miss her._

_"Something a little bit more frightening now," Dr. Andrews said. "I'm afraid I will forget things as I get older."_

_"Blood," I responded, nearly choking on the candy in my mouth._

_Even the smallest cut now would make me hysterical. The white and blue pills had no effect on that aspect. I would never forget all that blood, the smell of rusty nails, the feel of it on my skin, the way I looked. Dr. Andrews' pen scribbled on his paper._

_"I'm afraid someone close to me will die."_

_I stopped sucking on the peppermint, and I refused to respond. He was trying to make me talk about my parents. I didn't want to talk about my parents. Dr. Andrews wrote some more on in his notepad and after a few minutes, he chose a new fear._

_"I'm afraid of dying."_

_"Why?" I asked him, genuinely curious. His eyes furrowed as if he was debating whether to tell me, or perhaps he was confused as to why I was asking him in the first place._

_"I don't want it all to end, and I'm afraid that it will hurt," he responded, resting the hand with the pen in it flat against the paper._

_"Are you afraid of dying, Edward?"_

_I thought about it for a moment, how I felt when mother was coming at me with that knife, remembering that feeling of relief that took over when I was convinced it was the end._

_"No."_

_"Do you ever think about what it would be like to die?" Dr. Andrews questioned._

_"Sometimes." He gave a nod, and wrote in his notepad again._

_"What do you think it would feel like?"_

_Again, I thought about his question, trying to imagine what it would have felt like if mother had actually killed me that night._

_"Nice, I guess, like going to bed when you're really tired. It would feel good to be done with it all."_

_The alarm in Dr. Andrews' office went off, signaling that our time was up. I left the room and listened at the door while Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme talked to the doctor._

_"I've been seeing him for almost two years and even with the anti-depressant I have yet to see much improvement. In fact, I fear that the Prozac he is taking has caused Edward to have a rather abnormal response to dying. With your permission, I would like to try to wean him off the medication," Dr. Andrews advised. "He'll go through withdrawal, but if he stays on the Prozac I believe he will become suicidal."_

I shake my head trying to remove the memory from my mind. I hated those stupid pills, but I hated it more when they took them away. Feeling nothing sucked, but feeling everything again was a billion times worse. When I turned 13, Dr. Davis, a psychiatrist for teens and young adults, took over for Dr. Andrews. I liked him a lot more and I opened up to him over the years, but I still never told him exactly why my mother started abusing me. I did not want him to see me for what I really was, to know that I was responsible for not only my mother's death, but my father's as well.

I did not want anyone to know, which is why I made Alice swear never to tell anyone about why my mother abused me, not even her own court appointed psychiatrist. After I turned 18, I no longer was required to see a psychiatrist even though Carlisle and Esme begged me to continue my treatment. I gave up on it all, certain that I would never recover from the tragedies of my past, determined to forget. I had found, over my years in high school, my own way of dealing with things.

Fucking brought me peace, made the memories go away if only for a little while. The alcohol helped too. I suppose I should have known it would come to this, that I would have to stop hiding at some point, but it never seemed necessary until now. The only reason I'm walking into the fiery flames of hell is that I can't hurt her anymore. I love her too much to continue damaging her for my own selfish reasons. If someone had told me a year ago that I would find a woman that would make me want to heal myself, I would have laughed in his or her face. Yet here I am, doing exactly that.

It is worth making me better just to accomplish what she has started, even if I can't have her when it is all over, even if I will never be good enough to deserve her. As I reach the edge of the city my hands become slick on the steering wheel with sweat. I'm unsure of the precise location of my childhood home, but I know the general area so I drive until things become familiar. The sun rises, casting light onto a few spots I know. I recognize my elementary school, the hospital I went to just weeks after turning five when I was attacked by a neighbor's dog, the park where we used to feed the ducks.

My anxiety builds when I catch sight of the entrance to a neighborhood I remember, my old neighborhood, and I have to pull over so that I can stop myself from hyperventilating. I've arrived at the inner circle of hell where my hate lives and there's so much of it. I hate that deep down I love my mother and wish that she could have been the person she was before my father died. I hate myself for wanting that stupid guitar. I hate that a part of me hates my father for dying even though he had no control over it. I hate that I disappoint the people around me and that I make their lives miserable. It takes nearly two hours for me to rein in my emotions enough to drive down the streets in Oak Heights.

The middleclass neighborhood has decent houses and oak trees that line every street. The houses are older now, but they've held up well over the last 12 years. It doesn't take long to find my old street, and only seconds after I turn onto the road I recognize my old house. I park on the street across from it and sit there for a while, taking in every detail; the overgrowth of greenery covering the yard and blocking my view of the little white house, the chipped paint, the rotting wood, the chain link fence that surrounds the property, and the do not enter sign. I reach for the handle on the car door and compel myself to pull on it, to let in the air of the city. It's humid out, and the moment I step out onto the cement, I'm drenched with moisture.

I wobble slightly on my feet as I walk across the street, stepping at a slow, even pace. There's a pulsing in the air around me like an extension of my frantically beating heart. My feet touch the sidewalk and I'm quickly overcome by a feeling of unease. The whole world now seems to be vibrating with intensity, throbbing, pushing me to fail. With great effort, I lean forward to grip onto the fence, holding myself up against the urge to tumble to the ground and stay there.

You can't back out now, Cullen. Suck it up!

The fence sways a bit, and I realize that there's a hole in it just a few feet away so I work myself over to it, steadying myself with my hand. I slip through the hole, taking deep long breaths of air into my body, purposely thinking of anything but the past. While I'm standing in the thick grass though my hands start to shake, and another memory surfaces knocking me onto my hands and knees.

_We weren't allowed out without Mom or Dad, but occasionally we could convince Mom to let us play out in the yard._

_"Can we play out in the yard, Mommy, please?" Alice pleaded, pouting her bottom lip._

_"We won't go into the street, I promise," I begged, clasping my hands in front of me. Mom let out a sigh, her lips curved up into a brilliant smile as she peered down at the two of us._

_"Alright, I'll watch you from the window, but don't get too dirty. Dinner's almost done, and Daddy will be home any minute," she said as we pulled on our shoes and ran outside._

_The sun was setting, it was summer, and the grass was starting to get tall, almost up to our knees, Dad would need to mow it soon. I convinced Alice to play explorer with me, and we pretended that the grass was a swamp and that there were alligators after us. We ran around shouting and laughing as I poked the alligators with a stick and tackled them so Alice could tie them down. We were so occupied with our adventures that I didn't even notice our neighbor from a couple houses down until it was too late._

_"Kujo, No!" I looked up and saw Mr. Thompson chasing after the vicious guard dog that he kept pinned up in his yard. The dog was snarling and growling, headed straight towards me, drool dripping from his sharp canine teeth._

_"Mommy!" I screamed as the dog slammed me to the ground. I could feel its teeth around the top of my head and I flailed my arms trying to fight off the animal, but it was too strong. Scared for my life I began to cry just as my Mom came to the rescue, pulling the dog off me._

_"Edward! Oh my god, Edward, my baby! Someone call 911!"_

_She sat there on the grass, cradling my head in her lap, weeping uncontrollably. I run my hand through my hair, remembering the stitches they put in as she held my hand, telling me what a brave boy I was._

My heart clenches in my chest as tears start to fall, but I push forward, fighting the hurt that's threatening to break through, fighting it with everything I have. Rushing through the tall grass, I find a broken window and I crawl into the house, avoiding the shards of glass. I'm ready to face this and desperate for it to be over, but when I find myself standing in the room where it all happened there's not a bit of fight left in me. The misery I now realize I have only had a taste of until this point hits me full force, and it's like staring into the eyes of Satan himself.

I collapse to the filthy floor of Alice's old room, stammering into the corner like a frightened child where I curl up into a ball. I can't look at it; I can't look at the room, I can't cope with the despair. There's an overwhelming sadness in me that's been building for such a long time, and it's bursting out into this dark depressing hurt. I'm torn apart because my mother got sick. I'm in anguish over the face that my father never saw me pick up that first guitar. I'm in despair that I can't fix myself, and that everyone has had to watch me stumble for years.

I'm broken for what has happened to the family that once was, but never will be again. My father is dead, my mother is dead and I can't take it back, I can't change it. Nothing I do is going to bring them back. Nothing I do is going to change what happened. I brace myself, clasping my arms around my body to keep myself together, screaming until my voice is horse, because the ache is just too strong. This is it; this is how I will die as a broken soul with a broken heart, torn apart by fear, hate, and misery. I black out after a short time, and awake to an angel's voice.

"Edward, come on, Edward, wake up," I can feel her delicate fingers stroking my head, soothingly rubbing my scalp.

My eyes flutter open and I see the angel peering down adoringly at me. Her hair is the color of chocolate and honey, her eyes a beautiful matching shade. There's a soft white light glowing around her and I can't help but reach up and touch her cheek, her lips, and her hair. "So beautiful," I murmur, my voice barely audible, caressing the long tresses of the angel's silky hair. She gives me a small sad smile. Why would an angel be sad? I look around me noticing another tiny figure and when I make out Alice's sad face, I start coming to my senses.

"How did you know where to find me?" I ask Isabella.

"Because I love you and I know you, Edward, better than you know yourself," Isabella responds, my angel come to save me from my hell.


	15. Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 15

Nobody's Perfect

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"~ Sam Keen

BPOV

"Help me get him out of here, Alice," I plead as Edward's eyes begin to droop again, but there is no response from her.

"Alice?" Frantically, I look around the room and when I find her standing still as a statue with her eyes trained on a large dark spot on the floor, I know I'm in trouble. Shit… It doesn't take a genius to deduce what that spot is.

"She almost killed me… she would have if Edward hadn't stopped her," Alice's voice is small, child-like even, with none of its normal exuberance. Her words are distant, her eyes glossy with remembrance. "I stood by for a year and a half, watching him suffer, because I was afraid, not for Edward, but for myself. I knew that if I tried to stop her that she would hate me too and I didn't want to lose her."

A heavy tear falls from her face, hitting the floor with a defined smack that echoes in the silent space.

"That night, I saw the knife and that look in her eyes as she made her way towards him. She was so determined and I knew I had to act. For a moment, I thought I could get her to stop, to see reason, but then she turned on me like I always knew she would." Her face contorts as if she's choking on her words, and I want to say something comforting only nothing seems good enough. "He should have hated me for being such a coward. He should have jumped out of the window and let her kill me. Instead, he saved me…he pried that knife from her hand and saved my life."

My heart settles in my chest as realization spreads over me. My Edward, my beautiful broken Edward, didn't kill his mother out of spite or for revenge. He killed her to save his sister's life...and now it's time for us to save his.

"Alice?" I say her name softly, in hopes of gaining her attention. Her head lifts slowly and I lock my eyes with hers. "I need you with me right now. Edward needs you."

She nods her head weakly.

"I would give anything to make him better, Bella. If I could, I would go back and put that knife in her myself," she says, making her way across the room.

"So would I, Alice. So would I," I reply and it's true. I would kill that woman a thousand times over if it would cure him. Hell, I would probably stab her a few extra times just because.

With a lot of effort, we rustle Edward back to consciousness again and help him to his feet. He leans on our shoulders, hobbling under his own weight as we walk through the deteriorated front door that we had pried open with a crowbar. Edward's almost completely out of it, and mumbling incoherently when we seat him in the passenger seat of the Volvo. I take the keys from his pocket, and climb into the driver's seat before following Alice's rental to a nice hotel, where she made reservations. The sun is just now setting, but I'm already exhausted, and I have a feeling it's going to be a long night.

When we get Edward up to the room, he sits on the edge of the bed, facing the wall. His body is weak and for the longest time, he just sits there, doing nothing, saying nothing. Alice tries to talk to him a few times, and when he doesn't answer, she starts to get worried.

"He's shut down," Alice says. "I need to call my Dad; he's the only one who's ever been able to get him to talk when he's like this."

EPOV (Esme)

I scrub the dishes roughly, as I wait anxiously to hear from Alice, or anybody with information on Edward's whereabouts. Right now, I would be happy to get a call from the Easter Bunny if he could tell me that Edward is all right. At Disneyland, he seemed so happy, but I suppose that could have had something to do with that kiss he shared with Bella. I hadn't discussed what I had seen that night while the others were gazing at the fireworks. It's as if a part of me believes that if I talk about it then I'll convince myself it wasn't real.

I've envisioned a whole future for those two, a beautiful home with a white picket fence, two children, and a dog. I really think she's going to change his life. Then again, it's possible that Edward is just fooling around with the poor girl, but I don't think he is. That kiss was too passionate, too powerful, to be nothing. I hope Edward's not running off because of me…

Two days ago when Alice called; I accidentally slipped up and asked how Edward and Bella were doing. I didn't ask anything that would have been a dead giveaway, but Alice has always had this way of knowing things.

_It was late afternoon and I was getting ready to make dinner when the phone started to ring. I picked it up off the receiver, checking the caller ID, Alice._

_I turned it on and held the phone to my ear._

_"Hi, sweetie," I said. "How are you?"_

_"I'm good. Hey, have you seen my purple silk scarf anywhere?" "No, I haven't come across it. How's Jasper? Are you getting tired of the summer yet?"_

_"Tired of the summer? Yeah right! He's great; we're both still really happy. I actually think that he may end up proposing this year..."_

_"That's great! I'm so happy for you. I can't wait for Edward to settle down too."_

_"How's Bella doing?"_

_"Bella? She's fine, I guess. She's been spending a lot of time with Edw-," she paused for a moment, and I realized my mistake. Crap..."Can I call you later, Mom?"_

_"Um, yeah, sure, I love you."_

_"Love you too."_

I really hope she didn't say anything that made him run away. I couldn't deal with him leaving being my fault. I just wish he would call, at least then I would know that he's okay. Ever since the day Carlisle and I brought Edward home, my thoughts have been constantly on him. It's only been two days since I've talked with him and I'm already extremely uneasy, not to mention emotionally drained. A sharp pain in my hand brings me out of my thoughts and I let out a yelp. The knife in my hand that I was washing has left a decent size cut in my hand. It's not bleeding too bad, but I'll have to take care of it quickly or I'm sure that Carlisle will make me take a trip to the hospital, just as a precaution.

I let out a mental sigh. Crazy, overprotective men…I wrap my hand in a few paper towels and retrieve gauze to put on the wound. It's not as deep as I thought and after I apply the bandages, my hand seems good as new. I'm busy putting away everything when the phone goes off and I run faster than I have in a long time, catching it on its last ring.

"Hello," I say out of breath, into the phone.

"Mom," A lungful of air escapes me at the sound of Alice's voice. Although the tone she uses concerns me a bit.

"Thank goodness you're okay. Is Edward with you, sweetie?"

"Yeah, we found him, but he is really out of it. Is Dad home?" The front door shuts and I hear his footsteps as he makes his way to the kitchen. He gives me a quick peck on the lips, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "He just walked in."

"Who's on the phone? Is it Edward?" Carlisle asks. His vibrant blue eyes shine with worry. I mouth the name 'Alice', and his lips purse together in disappointment.

"Well, Edward hasn't said anything since we got to the hotel. I was thinking that maybe he could talk some sense into him…like he did last time."

My heart clenches in my chest, and I try to hold back the memories that are threatening to resurface.

"I'm sure he'd be happy to try," I reply, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "I'll hand you over to him, okay?"

"Alright, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Honey, she wants to talk to you." I tell Carlisle, handing over the phone before exiting the room.

I can't breath, it's like there's a giant sitting on my chest, squashing my lungs. The anger, the guilt, the panic, it all hits me at once. I hurry outside and start taking in deep, panting breaths. It's all coming back to me and there's no stopping it.

_We were running through the house, both Carlisle and I chasing after each other. Laughter filled the cavernous rooms that we had grown accustomed to being empty. We had finally given up on having children of our own. We still longed for the opportunity to be parents; we were even looking into adoption, but we had come to terms with the fact that it just wasn't possible for us to conceive. Our faces and hands had a thick coating of flour, eggs, milk, and sugar, and our lips were all smiles. I had been baking a cake when my darling husband decided to be funny, and douse me with a handful of ingredients. Of course, I couldn't let that go so the cake war began. I ran around a corner, where I became entangled in a pair of strong arms._

_"No fair!" I squealed in surprise. He smeared my face with a mixture of flour and water, wiping it on my cheeks and into my hair as he laughed menacingly._

_"I've got you now my pretty!" He exclaimed. My eyes zeroed in on his as are laughter slowly faded. He was so handsome like this, coated in cake mix, a massive grin on his face. Something in his eyes shifted and I felt his soul's pull on mine. He leaned forward cupping my cheek in his hand gently, his lips meeting my lips with passion and heat. The fire I had felt that first time he touched me burned hotter than ever before. Every time was the first time with him, only better. Little did we know that our world would change in a moment._

_The phone rang, but we continued to kiss, ignoring the obnoxious noise. His sweet apple scent invaded my mind, and it took all I had just to stay standing. Carlisle moaned into my mouth, wrapped his arms around me, and squeezed tight. My hands drifted along his back, kneading, exploring his sculpted body as his tongue danced across my own. I felt his hand grasp onto the bottom of my shirt, the incessant ringing stopped, and a voice echoed through the room, courtesy of our answering machine._

_"Hello, this is Emory Watson with Chicago Child Services. I was hoping to speak with Esme Cullen about an issue regarding Edward Anthony Masen and Mary Alice Masen_. _If you could give me a call at-" The panic in me rose immediately, and I nearly slipped on a puddle of water in the middle of the kitchen, but I was still the first to reach the phone. My heart was pounding furiously, something was wrong, something was very wrong._

_"Hello? This is Esme Cullen."_

_"Oh, well, I'm glad I got a hold of you Mrs. Cullen."_

_Carlisle looked about as confused as I felt. He rested his head on my shoulder so he could hear the women on the phone, he was holding me so snug against him that I could feel both our hearts pounding in frantic rhythm._

_"I'm afraid I have some rather disturbing news…There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just try and make it quick. Elizabeth Masen was fatally wounded in a stabbing at 6:30pm central standard time. She passed away before paramedics had the chance to arrive on the scene." My lungs felt like they had collapsed. My sister, my only sister_ was dead… _I clasped my hand over my mouth in shock as I swayed in Carlisle's arms. He tightened his grip on me and started whispering in my ear._

_"It's okay, darling. I'm here," I forced back the sobs that wanted to spill from my lips as she continued._

_"Mrs. Masen appointed you and your husband guardianship over her children in the event of her passing so if you are willing and able, we will need you to arrive here at your earliest convenience." I felt Carlisle nod his chin against my shoulder, giving his permission._

_"Um…yes…of course," I choked out in response. "Now, it's not customary for me to provide you with details over the phone, but there are a couple things that I must tell you_. _When the police arrived on the scene, they found young Edward to be malnourished, his body severely battered. He is in a state of shock at the moment and hasn't spoken to anyone, but your niece has informed us that their mother has been abusing him for quite some time, a year and a half to be precise."_

_"Oh my god!" I exclaimed in horror. "Is he alright? Is he going to be okay?"_

_My own sister beat her child! I had never been more furious in my life. I had spent the past 6 years trying to conceive a baby and she was using her little boy as a punching bag?_

_"He's in recovery at a local hospital. They've given him fluids and they say physically_ _he'll be just fine. As for emotionally, we'll discuss the specifics when you arrive, but there's one more thing I feel obligated to inform you of, and it may be difficult for you to handle."_

_"Alright," I said my voice barely audible. "What is it?"_

_"Elizabeth used aggressive force on her children this evening. She was wielding a knife, threatening to kill them. Edward felt that both his and his sister's life were in immediate danger and he was forced_ to act... _Police have already classified it as a justifiable homicide, but both he and Alice will likely require counseling for the trauma they have suffered."_

_There was a deafening silence as my mind worked together the pieces. My sister was dead, she had tried to kill her children, and Edward killed her in self-defense. Words had become meaningless, there were none to match how I felt yet I still attempted to move my lips. Seconds passed until I heard the woman's voice on the other end of the phone again. "I apologize for delivering such news this way, Mrs. Cullen. I just felt that you deserved to know. Will you still be willing to take on the children or would you like me to look into contacting another relative?"_

_My mind was already made up. These kids needed me and I wasn't going to let them down no matter what hardships we'd have to face._

_"We'll be on the next flight to Chicago."_

_"Okay, I'll see you then, goodbye."_

_"Goodbye." I hung up the phone_ and peered at my husband before I broke out into tears, clinging to his form. Our life just got a lot more complicated…


	16. The First Step to A New Ending

Chapter 16

The First Step to a New Ending

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."~ Maria Robinson

CPOV (Carlisle)

My wife hands me the phone and quickly retreats from the room, tears building in her eyes. I'll have to check on her soon, but first I have to take care of Alice. I place the phone to my ear, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad," A solemn Alice responds. "We found him at the old house…He hasn't said anything for hours. I didn't know what else to do…"

"It's okay, sweetie, I'll take care of it," I let out a small sigh. "Just put him on the phone."

I hear a rustling on the other end of the line and then the rhythmic sound of inhaling and exhaling. I have no doubt that it is Edward's breaths filling my ear. Using all my experience as a doctor, I had come up with a solution for this very situation the day we went to retrieve Alice and Edward from Chicago. I have been optimistic ever since then that he would never fall into silence again, but it seems that my luck has finally run out.

"That's right, deep breaths, son. In and out, inhale the good, exhale the bad," His breaths change to match my words, and I continue. "Let it out, release all the bad thoughts, Edward."

Pausing briefly, I listen to make sure his breaths are still even and full. "You're not alone, you're safe. She can't hurt you anymore," His breath hitches slightly and then starts speeding up, faster and faster. "Slow, son, you must slow your breaths. You must begin again…Remember a time when life was simple, when breathing came to you easy, when it didn't seem so dark."

His panting continues, only getting worse and I know this isn't working. It worked a long time ago, but it is doing nothing for him now. My mind racks with possibilities, of something I could say to bring him back, but I'm left blank…empty. I look out the window and see my wife crying, tears streaming like rain down her face and a pinch in my heart brings me the answer I'm looking for. I have told no one of the way that Edward looked at Bella that day at Disneyland. I have said nothing about the times I caught glimpses of the two of them holding hands, tighter then what was required. He held onto her like a lifeline, a light shining in his eyes that had never been there before. The others were oblivious, but the love they shared in those brief stolen moments was so obvious. He looked at her the way I look at my Esme, with love that would bring a dying man back to life…that could save a man from the brink of insanity.

"Think of the woman that has stolen your heart, Edward." I say softly, treading lightly into forbidden territory, his breathing slows. "The way her smile makes everything better, the way her voice fills you with a sense of warmth. You would do anything for her, wouldn't you?"

There is no answer from him, but I don't need to hear the words to know that I am right.

"Find a way to bring yourself back from the dark, if not for yourself than for her."

There's a long period of silence so I concentrate on the sounds of his lungs filling, and releasing air as I pray for a miracle to happen for the second time.

EPOV

Breathing should be simple, right. Like that saying, it's as easy as breathing. So, why the fuck is it so difficult? Why does it feel like this small feat is equivalent to tight rope walking across a gap between two ten-story high buildings? Someone places a tiny cell phone in my hand. It's heavy as a brick, and it takes all my effort just to hold it up to my ear. I feel its plastic smooth texture against the side of my face, but that's the only thing I can feel. My body, my mind, ever piece of me feels hollow, empty of anything, void of sensation, of memory. For a moment, I can't even seem to remember who I am.

"That's right, deep breaths, son. In and out, inhale the good, exhale the bad," A familiar voice says. I know deep down that it's a person that I've talked to many times before, but no face or name comes to mind. "Let it out, release all the bad thoughts, Edward." Edward, that's my name. Isn't it?

"You're not alone, you're safe. She can't hurt you anymore." Those words jolt me briefly to my senses, bringing up a distant memory.

_It was cold, the blanket covering me wasn't thick enough to warm my small body, and the cot I was lying on was rigid, forcing me up into a sitting position. The clock ticked in the background, tick, tick, tick. The walls were painted with a jungle theme, I even recognized a few of the animals from a book I'd read. Voices echoed in from the hallway. I didn't think I was supposed to hear them, but I did._

_"I spoke with the Aunt and Uncle last night, they should be arriving shortly. How's the little guy doing, Doctor?" A woman's voice asked. I wondered whom they were talking about as my body shivered. Did they know how cold it was in there?_

_"No change." The man's voice sounded sad. "A few of the nurses tried to speak to him, but he acted as if he couldn't even hear them." A few moments later an average sized woman in her 40s walked in. Her hair was a warm brown color and her eyes were the color of honey, she had a comforting smile on her face and I thought I might have seen her somewhere before, but I wasn't sure. "Do you remember me, Edward?"_

_Edward…that's my name, wasn't it? Or was it something else. I thought there was a woman who called me something else…I looked up at the lady standing in front of me and although the questions were on the tip of my tongue, it felt like it would take a tremendous effort to say them and I just didn't have the strength anymore. The smile on her face dropped a little._

_"I'm Emory Watson, and I'm going to stay here with you until your Aunt and Uncle get here." She sat on the chair next to my bed and grabbed the glass of water that sat on the bedside table. "Would you like a drink?"_

_I wanted to say yes, my mouth was dry and my throat was itchy with thirst, but the words would not come out. Surprisingly though she seemed to understand because, she lifted the cup to my lips, placing the straw at my mouth so I could sip down the water._

_"You know, you're safe, she can't hurt you anymore," she said when she pulled the glass away. She…my mother…I killed my mother… My breathing picks up pace,_ _as my body begins to shake. I remember, shit…My mother…Fuck, I killed my mother._

"Slow, son, you must slow your breaths. You must begin again…Remember a time when life was simple, when breathing came to you easy, when it didn't seem so dark." It's that voice again, that fucking voice. I can't breath! Don't you understand? Fucking shit, I can't breathe!

_"Murderer, you're a fucking murderer!"_

She was right. Damn it, she was right. My heart pounds furiously in my chest and I seriously contemplate reaching in and pulling it out to make it stop. I just want it to fucking stop!

"Think of the woman that has stolen your heart, Edward." The voice speaks softly and suddenly the face of an angel appears. Her eyes and hair are the color of chocolate, and her perfectly shaped lips are the most intoxicating shade of delicate red. "The way her smile makes everything better, the way her voice fills you with a sense of warmth. You would do anything for her, wouldn't you?"

I push forward with my thoughts and see the angel wither underneath my touch, her back arching with pleasure, her whimpering filling the room. Her name spills from my mouth in cries of ecstasy as she tumbles over the edge with me, Isabella…my Isabella.

"Find a way to bring yourself back from the dark, if not for yourself than for her." I remember the way she looks when she's fast asleep and how soft her skin is. The sweet smell of strawberries that constantly remains on her body and in her silky hair. My Isabella is beautiful, and smart, and her smile leaves me absolutely breathless.

"Isabella," her name escapes me, and the phone drops from my hand. My eyes search the hotel room. I don't remember how I got here and I don't really care because she's here. On the other bed in the room, no more than a few feet away, sits the most glorious woman in the world. Her hair is a mess, her eyes have dark purple bags under them from exhaustion, and her clothes are wrinkled and mismatched, only none of that matters.

Without thinking, I spring up from the bed and run across the room, right pass Alice who is now reaching for the phone I dropped. Isabella's eyes grow wide as saucers just before I wrap my arms around her waist and press my lips into hers. Warm, so fucking warm. It's like heaven, my own personal slice of heaven, and I don't ever want this moment to end, but after a few minutes, I attempt to pry my lips away for her sake…my Isabella is having none of that. She reaches up to bury her fingers into my hair, and tugs me back to her. I can't find it in me to object so I continue to revel in her strawberry taste as my hands roam up and down her back until eventually finding their way to her ass.

"Jesus Christ! Hello, there is another person in the room!" My sister's pixie like voice brings us both back down to Earth and we release each other. Well, mostly, I still manage to keep one of her hands tightly entwined with mine because the truth is that I need the connection to keep myself from drowning back into the pit of sorrow that I had myself in. I can feel it lingering just underneath my surface waiting for an opportunity to take hold, but my Isabella won't let that happen.

"Since you were in such a rush to get it on with Bella, I told dad that you're okay. So are you okay or do I need to call him back?" Alice asks, gesturing at the phone. I give her a half-ass shrug and Alice starts dialing the number.

"Fuck, I honestly don't know, okay?" I confess, stopping her just two numbers away from calling Dad.

She ends the call and lets out a sigh before walking over to where Isabella and I are standing. Her little arms wrap around me and Isabella tries to let go of my hand, but I shake my head at her.

"Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, Edward," she mumbles into my chest as I enclose my free arm around her. I squeeze her tightly in a half hug and kiss the top of her head.

"I'll try my best, Ali." She lets go after a while, picks up the phone to call Jasper, and steps outside on the balcony, giving Isabella and I some time to ourselves. I figure that now is a good a time as any to apologize.

"Isabella, I am so sor-" Her lips cut me off, smacking against mine as she pulls me towards the bathroom and I know exactly where this is going.

I want her so fucking bad, but is this really a good idea? Moreover, is she doing this because she wants to or because she thinks it's what I want? Isabella shuts the bathroom door and pushes me against it, moaning into my mouth as she works the zipper on my pants down. Her petite little hand pulls out my cock, that has instantly hardened at the aspect of fucking her tight little pussy and I know I should stop her so we can talk, except it feels so good to have her hands on me… She releases my lips to take a breath and moans my name in that sweet innocent voice that drives me crazy.

"Edward,"

"Fuck, baby, yes," I hiss, gripping her ass in my hands as she starts to stroke me. "That feels amazing."

"Edward, touch me, please," she whimpers in desperation, yet I'm so lost in the sensations that her words don't even register. She grinds her body up against mine, releasing my throbbing hard cock to try and pull up my shirt and my brain finally starts to function again.

"Wait!" Her hands come to a stop as the light in her eyes dies. Shit…she thinks I'm rejecting her. Why is it that nothing ever goes right with us? In order to ease her troubled mind I lean forward and capture her lips in a short, passionate kiss making sure to show her how much I truly want her with my actions before explaining myself with words.

"I don't want you to do this just for me." I whisper, reaching my hand up to cup her cheek. "I want you to want me, Isabella." The shimmer in her beautiful eyes comes back even brighter then before and all of the pieces of the puzzle seem to click into place.

I don't know how much of the story she really knows, or if I'll ever be good enough for my angel, but I want, more than anything else in the world, to tell her that I love her right now. I want to pour my heart out and shower her with praise. I want to worship her for hours and shout her name to the heavens. Only I won't, because I want to save those words for later, when were not in a hotel bathroom. Possibly even on a day where I haven't been on the brink of insanity, as if that will ever happen… Because when I tell her that I love her, I want it to be perfect because she's perfect. I nuzzle her neck and take in her luscious smell to pull myself together.

"Do you want me, baby?" I whisper, and she nods her head, letting out a small whimper. "Say it, tell me what you want."

"I want you, Edward. I need to feel you inside of me."

"Mm, I need to feel you too," I reach around and grab her ass with both hands as I begin nibbling and sucking on her neck.

Her head falls back and light moans escape her when I lift her up onto the counter. My pants and boxers fall to the ground and I pull at her clothes with fervor, removing them faster than I ever thought possible. She quickly discards my shirt and I press my length against her soaking wet heat causing a deep guttural moan to fall from my lips.

"Yes, please, Edward," Isabella moans softly, clinging to me, her arms wrapping around my back, her legs securely fastening around my waist. I can feel how soaked her pussy is already and it makes me want to lick her clean. So, pushing back my own need I gently loosen Isabella's grip and kneel down on the floor. At first, she gives me a confused look, but when I reach up and tentatively run my fingers up and down her slit, she moans appreciatively.

"I'm going to make you cum for me, Isabella," I tell her in a husky voice while sliding two of my fingers swiftly inside of her. "I want your juices to flow over my tongue as you cry out my name." I flick my tongue over her clit and her hands fly into my hair. To my surprise, Isabella tugs on it, pulling my face closer to her pussy as I grip her thighs

"Don't stop," she groans with need, wriggling under the ministrations of my tongue.

"Fuck, I love when you're needy," I lean forward and start to suck and lick her clit, drilling my fingers into her as she tugs on my hair.

"Oh god, oh god, Edward," she moans, egging me on. My brain turns to mush as her smell and taste fills me. She tastes so fucking delicious that I can't help, but hum with satisfaction, which causes Isabella to latch onto the counter with both hands, and scream loudly.

"Fuck! Don't stop, please don't fucking stop," Her walls tighten around my fingers and I pick up the pace. I'm licking and sucking with intense pursuit of her release until finally, she falls to pieces, filling my mouth with her warm, delicious flavor as she screams out my name.

I lick her clean, my cock throbbing relentlessly with anticipation of her tight hole as I stand up and align myself with her again. Using ever bit of self-restraint I have, I slide into her slowly, savoring every tiny noise that comes out of her delectable mouth as I push forward until I fill her completely.

"We fit so perfectly, baby…ugh, fucking perfect," I growl, as I begin to thrust in and out of her, losing myself in her. My arms cradle her back and my lips travel from her neck down to her perfect tits, where I lick and suck lavishly at her nipples, nibbling on them occasionally with my teeth.

"Oh, shit," she pants, her back arching in my hold. "Edward."

"That's it, say my name," I groan, pushing as deep into her as I can go. Her pussy grows tighter and I know she's close and I want to feel her cum, not for my own selfish ego boost, but so that I can make her feel as good as she's making me feel.

Her fingers curl into my hair, and her front pushes flat against mine as the coil starts to build in my stomach in anticipation for release.

"Ugh, Edward, I'm so close," she cries out, gripping my hair tighter as she matches my thrusts.

"I know, I can feel it, baby, you're so fucking tight," I drive forward, making absolutely sure to hit the spot inside her that will push her over the edge.

"Fuck, oh, cum with me, Edward. Cum inside me," Isabella's hands grip my hair and my cock stiffens inside her. I crash my lips to hers and after just a few more deep thrusts, we're coming apart, panting, and clutching onto each other. We take a quick shower and when Alice comes back inside, she crawls into one bed while Isabella and I crawl into the other. Isabella falls asleep the moment she curls into my arms, but both Alice and I lay there wide-awake.

"I want to visit the graves tomorrow," Alice says, and even though she's staring up at the ceiling I know she's talking to me, asking for permission in some way.

Can I really do that? I gaze at the angel in my arms as the lump in my throat starts to rise. For her…I would do anything for her. I force back the lump in my throat and choke out one word.

"Alright."


	17. Time to Start Living

Chapter 17

Time to Start Living

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives."~ A. Sachs

BPOV

I wake up in the morning to find Alice and Edward sitting at the small table in the room, drinking coffee. If I didn't know better, I might think they were the living dead. Their eyelids are drooping with exhaustion, and their eyes are sunken in with bags underneath of them darker than ever before. It looks like they have been dressed, and ready to go home for hours, as if they haven't slept at all. I have a strange suspicion that is exactly the case.

"Morning," I croak out quietly from my position on the bed, stretching out my arms and legs.

They nod at me in creepy twin unison, taking another sip from their mugs, and I have to look away. It's like being in the twilight zone and staring at a pair of corpses that are animated and unbelievably beautiful. I look around the room to find that everything is already packed. My clothes are lying out on the bed next to me, along with my small bag of toiletries and it's no longer just a suspicion, I'm positive neither of them slept. In less than 15 minutes, I'm dressed, and the Volvo is packed. Edward and I wait on a bench in the lobby while Alice checks us out of the hotel, his hand gripping tightly onto mine. None of us says a thing as we head to the car, but when Edward pulls out his keys and heads to the driver's side, I immediately protest.

"Absolutely not, hand me the keys."

I'm not letting either of them drive in this condition. I hold out my hand, gesturing for him to give them over and with a sigh, he does. We all climb into the car and Edward inputs the address into the GPS. It's not until the voice coming out of the speakers instructs me away from the freeway that I realize we're not heading home, not quite yet anyway. My first instinct is to pull over and demand to know where we're going, but something in my heart tells me to go with it, at least until I know where these two are taking me. When we reach the entrance to a cemetery, my heart begins to pound vigorously in my chest with fear.

What if he can't handle this? What if it breaks them both? I pull into the visitor parking lot and shift the car into park as I glance over at Edward with a questioning gaze, asking him with my eyes if he's okay. He gives me a small smile. It's not a yes…Then again, it's not a no either. There's a collective intake of breath when we all exit the car. Edward quickly gravitates to my side, reaching for my hand. He squeezes it tightly in his grasp and I can feel his heart beat racing through the pulse point in his wrist. Alice goes to retrieve a map, leaving me the opportunity to provide Edward some last minute comfort. I reach up with my free hand, placing it gently on his chest.

"Just breathe, Edward. I'll be right here with you, every step of the way," I whisper before stretching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

It's brief, but when I pull away his hold on my hand loosens and his pulse slows. We trail behind Alice as she makes her way pass rows and rows of graves until she stops abruptly turning to a pair of large gray headstones. We walk over to where Alice is standing in front of the two plots. Edward pulls her into his side, wrapping an arm around her fragile little frame to stroke her arm soothingly. For a while, we just stand there, giving me the opportunity to read the two slabs.

The one on the right, their mother's, is ordinary. It makes sense; I can't imagine that Esme or Carlisle wanted to pay for anything extra for that wicked witch. It reads simply: Elizabeth Victoria Masen 1966-1998. The slab on the left, however, has ornate swirls that curve around a beautifully written epitaph. The love and care behind it is evident, which is strange considering the man's deranged wife most likely arranged it. The headstone reads: Edward Anthony Masen Sr. 1964-1995 Beloved Husband and Father and below it has a quote "Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory. Let me be your music and when you are lonely, afraid, or just plain lost, allow thoughts of me to vibrate in your memory and lull you into comfort once more." Wow, no doubt, those are a true musician's words.

"God, I miss you, Daddy..."

Edward squeezes Alice a little tighter into him, as if he's trying to hold her together. The image will surely remain with me forever, the two of them clutching to each other for strength. It makes me hopeful that maybe they can work through this by clinging to that connection. They both have someone that understands almost exactly what their going through.

"I sometimes imagine what life would have been like if you were still alive. The arguments we would have gotten in over my inappropriate clothes in junior high. What you would have said when you found out I was going on my first date...I'm sure you would have threatened that boy, he was a jerk," she pauses and we all let out an uneasy laugh. "Carlisle is doing a good job though, Daddy. He loves us both a lot. Esme too. I hope you know that…It's just, deep down I still wish you could walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and give me that first dance…that I could hug you and kiss you…that I could pick up the phone and call you when I'm sad or scared. There are so many things that I wish I could tell you…but one thing seems far more important than the rest. If you can hear me, I want you to know that I love you, Daddy…I love you so much."

I avoid looking directly at her as I hear her voice start to crack near the end. My eyes are swimming, and just when I think I'll be able to hold it back a velvety smooth voice speaks, pushing forth the salt water brimming in my eyes, forcing the tears to roll down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry…I-, I never would have wanted that stupid guitar had I known," he goes silent and I squeeze his hand, telling him without words that it's all right. "I'm not any good with words, or telling how I feel…I just-, fuck…I wish you were here. I wish that you never left…I love you, Dad."

It's silent for several minutes after that, all I can hear is the sound of the three of us crying. In fact, I only notice when Alice separates her hand from Edward's hold and steps a few feet over to their mother's grave because her crying becomes softer with the distance. We follow her with our eyes, but both Edward and I stay in place. It's obvious to me that if Edward says anything to his mother that it won't be praise and I can't say I blame him.

"I loved you, but when Dad died you lost every bit of goodness in your heart…You became a stranger to me, and an evil, vile woman. You got exactly what you deserved and I will forgive, but I will never forget. There is no love left in my heart for you and you are not my mother. I hope god had mercy for your wretched soul because I damn sure don't."

I was expecting the venom in her normally loving voice, but the fact that she made it through her speech with only one cuss word surprises me. I have many cuss words that I can think of to describe their mother, but I don't feel comfortable speaking them now. Minutes pass and I begin to wonder if maybe Edward won't say anything at all. Then, when the silence has stretched out and Alice and I seem ready to leave, he clears his throat, sucks in a breath and the words finally come out.

"I can't forgive you like she can…I can't even think about what you did to me without wanting to puke…You ruined my life…You took everything from me…but this woman-," he holds up our hands a little and squeezes my fingers tightly with his. "This amazing woman right here…she brought me back."

He looks at me, gives me a small smile and then, relaxes his hand again. The smile falls from his face and he looks back at the spot where his mother's body rests.

"And while you're rotting in the fiery pits of hell, I'll be moving on with my life. And someday, hopefully soon, I won't ever think of you again." He turns and starts to pull me away as Alice rushes to our side, but I pull him to a stop because I don't want to leave without saying anything, she deserves it, whatever I have to say. He gives me a confused look and I respond with a smile to let him know its okay

"Can I say just one thing?" I ask. He gives me a nod and I let go of his hand. While I walk over to her grave, I take a deep breath, conjuring every bit of hate I have for the woman that lay here. When I reach a good spot, I lurch forward, letting a wad of spit fly from my mouth and land on the grassy plot of land. "That's for your children, you fucking psychotic bitch."

When I turn around, both Alice and Edward have small smiles on their faces. They reach out their hands and I run over, grabbing both.

"Let's go home."

It doesn't take Alice and Edward long to fall asleep once we're in the car, which leaves me a lot of time to myself. Over the hours, I think about many things, and yes, most of them are about Edward. I'm just not sure how he's going to cope with all this. I mean, is he still going to want me when he's cured? Will we ever go out on a real date or is it always going to be about sex...not that I don't enjoy the amazing sex because I definitely do. I want us to be more is all. I think I might even want it all with him, the wedding, the house, the cars, the two kids, and the dog. He would have to want those things too though, and I don't know if he wants any of that, let alone me.

All the Edward stuff eventually bogs me down so I try to think of other things. After listening to everything that Alice talked about this morning, I make a conscious decision to call my parents when I get home. It's been a while since I talked to my mom or dad and I realize now that their may come a time when I can't call them. Time goes by and the GPS is my only companion until Edward wakes up around four in the afternoon. He runs a hand through his hair and I give him a smile.

"Hey, sleepyhead," I whisper, making sure to keep my voice low as to not wake Alice.

"Hi," His lips pull up into a crooked grin and my heart thuds at the sight. There's something different about him, he seems happier…more alive.

"How far are we from a rest stop?" He asks, pulling himself up straight.

"We should be to the next one in about 10 minutes. Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, fine actually," he replies, reaching over the center console to grasp my hand and when he rubs the back of it softly it makes my insides all warm. "You must have been bored out of your mind though."

"It's all right. You needed your sleep, Edward. Besides, it wasn't too bad, it gave me a ton of time to think."

"Oh yeah, about what?" He asks with a devilish grin.

"You mostly," It doesn't escape me that he'll probably think I was thinking about sex. Little does he know, I pictured our whole life together like some crazy chick. Edward's tongue grazes his bottom lip and he leans over causing his cinnamon and honey breath to blow in my face.

"Mm, you haven't been naughty have you, baby? Because I do believe it's illegal, in several states, to play with yourself while you're driving," he whispers in my ear, sliding a hand up my thigh to press against me. I can't help it; a moan escapes my lips.

"Oh, for fucks sake, Edward, you'll be surprised to know that sound travels amazingly well in cars," Alice grumbles, stirred from sleep by the noise.

Edward removes his hand and I can feel the heat in my cheeks as my skin starts to flush. He lets out a chuckle, thoroughly entertained by the situation and my reaction. Not bothering to hold back my childish retort, I stick my tongue out at him as I exit off the freeway and pull into the rest stop. It's a mad dash to the restrooms and of course, the place is a mess. It's not as bad as some other ones I've been to though. At least this freeway restroom looks like it has been cleaned at one time or another and the dispensers have soap, that's a plus.

"So, as much as I love you and Edward, if you could try not to rape each other with me in the car that would be great," Alice blurts out on the way back to the car before busting into a fit of giggles when my cheeks flush again.

I really need to work on the blushing or these two are going to be the death of me. I can't even imagine how bad it's going to be when Emmett gets an opportunity to tease me. I laugh in my head at the thought. Yep, definitely need to work on the blushing. Edward takes over the driver's seat and I move into the passenger's seat. It's nice not to have to drive, but with Alice awake now we're both tortured by her incessant rambling about clothes, shoes, and anything else the pixie can think of, and no matter how much I love Alice, I hate talking about clothes.

When I just can't take it anymore, I shut my eyes and pretend to sleep so she'll finally shut up. It works and I stay quiet, hoping that maybe Alice will fall asleep and I'll get some alone time with Edward. She doesn't, but I do, well somewhat…I'm half-asleep when I start hearing the soft whispers.

"So, how long have you been using Bella?" Alice asks. My brain muddles through thoughts as I absorb the question. I had no idea that she knew the reason behind his playboy ways, and it leaves me a tad confused. How did she figure it out? Did he tell her? In my haze, I believe that Edward lets out a sigh, but since my eyes are closed, I'm not sure how to interpret it.

"The first time was graduation night, but it didn't start happening regularly until a couple weeks after the move." There's a sense of regret in his tone. Does he regret being with me or is it that he regrets using me…I'm not sure.

"Oh, that's why you didn't want to talk about her that day we went to the mall?"

"Yeah," Edward responds, regret still in his velvety tenor.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was ashamed of myself, Alice. I didn't want you to know."

There's a low sigh from Alice and I can almost see in my head what she would look like, nodding her head in acknowledgment.

"How did you keep it from everyone?" "We were really careful. She'd sneak into my room when everyone was already asleep or we'd get together when all of you were out somewhere."

"Mom knows, you know," Alice says, causing a groan to fall from Edward's lips. Does he not want her to know about me?

"How?"

"I don't know, but she called me to ask how you were and then she wanted to know how Bella was. The way she said your names, that's what tipped me off. I got everyone together the other night at the guy's house. I was just about to tell them what I thought might be going on between you two when I heard Bella scream."

It becomes quiet and I'm starting to drift farther into sleep when I hear Alice again.

"Do-" Alice's voice drops lower and all I can hear is soft mumbling with no definite words.

"Yes," Edward answers, with a strange tone, kind of like hope mixed with fear, leaving me thoroughly perplexed as I slip into unconsciousness. A part of me has a feeling that I really would have liked to know what Alice asked.


	18. She is Love

Chapter 18

She Is Love

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."~ Anonymous

EPOV

I pull on the white button up shirt that Alice hands me, making sure not to tuck it into my deep blue jeans as she suggests I do before I sit back on the bed. I'll be damned if I'm going to tuck in my shirt like a fucking pussy regardless of what I'm dressing up for.

"My palms are sweating like mad, Ali," I whine, rubbing my hands on my shaking legs. "I'm so nervous, why am I so nervous? I don't want to fuck this up…I can't fuck this up."

It's been a few days since we got back from Chicago. Carlisle's set up an appointment for me to meet with a therapist on Monday and even though I'm definitely not looking forward to it, I know that it's a step in the right direction. Yeah, life's a mess, I'm in constant struggle with my past, and it's going to be hard, but as people say, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I don't want to wait around any more for life to get better. The time for waiting has passed. It's time to reach out and grab salvation with both hands, to clutch it tight and never let go. Hence why I'm preparing to walk outside and risk everything to prove myself. Alice walks over and places her hand on my shoulder.

"Look at me," she pauses until I look up at her and see the warm smile on her face. "You're not going to fuck this up, I promise you, and you're nervous because that's how you're supposed to feel. Everyone's nervous their first time, but it will go away."

"What if it doesn't?" I question her, running a hand through my wild hair. I hiss slightly at the soreness of my scalp. All that tugging over the past couple of days did a number on my skull, yet I still can't seem to break the habit. She lets out a laugh and walks over to the door of my bedroom, where she stops for a moment to tell me a few last minute things.

"It will, you'll see. Now get a move on. The windows are open, and the sun won't wait for anybody. Not even you, brother."

I stand outside on the lawn in perfect view of her window, which is open just as Alice said it would be. The sun is peaking up over the horizon behind me, rising on a new day, a new beginning. It's giving a faint orange-pink glow to the dozens of puffy white clouds that fill the pale blue morning sky. My whole body is vibrating from my nerves and I can feel my heart drumming away in my chest. I've never been so anxious before. What if I forget the words? What if she doesn't like it? What if I have a break down?

Are you going to let that shit stop you, Cullen? No.

With a shaky breath or two, I take out my phone and type a message to Isabella. The same one I got from her all those weeks ago, in what seems like a different lifetime.

**Look out your window.**

With all my strength, I press the send button and then, I wait. I wait until the purple curtains open, revealing an angel, and the moment I see her I forget why I was even nervous in the first place. I guess I should have known better than to bet against Alice. With that one look, I'm certain that I was made for this woman and I've never been more sure about anything. She looks ridiculous in her purple cotton pajamas, and her hair looks like a haystack, but I like it, it somehow only adds to her beauty. As she's rubbing her tired eyes, I start strumming out chords on the guitar. The low soothing notes fill the air, the sound echoes throughout the houses and trees. I'm sure it will wake up everybody in the neighborhood, but fuck if I care.

She doesn't realize what is happening yet and the confusion on her face when she hears the guitar makes me want to burst at the seams with satisfaction. I have to admit, it amazes me that I'm accomplishing such a feat for her. I don't think that anything that I have ever done has felt this rewarding. It's a miracle how simple she makes things for me, how her presence could make the one other love in my life, music, even more wonderful. Then again, I suppose it makes sense, angels perform miracles all the time. My lips curve up into a smile and before I know it, I'm pouring my heart out, letting the lyrics of the song fall from my lips with such sincerity that it makes my knees tremble.

**I've been beaten down,**

**I've been kicked around,**

**But she takes it all for me.**

**And I lost my faith,**

**in my darkest days,**

**But she makes me want to believe.**

I watch as her lips turn up in a smile, her cheeks flush a gorgeous shade of pink, and any last minute worries I have melt away. The only thing that matters in this world is Isabella. I have a good feeling that my next words are going to affect her immensely, which only excites me, driving me forward.

**They call her love, love,**

**love, love, love.**

**They call her love, love,**

**love, love, love.**

**She is love, and she is all I need.**

**She's all I need**.

Isabella doesn't disappoint, her hands fly up to cover her mouth as what I hope are happy tears, begin to fall down her face. It's a beautiful sight; something that I'm positive will stay with me forever. A brief flash of Isabella in a white gown, joyful tears brimming in her eyes, comes to mind and I push it away because I know I'm getting way ahead of myself. It's a warming thought though and even if it might never happen, it feels nice to have the seed planted in my mind. To know that it's possible, that anything is possible with Isabella, if she'll have me.

**Well I had my ways,**

**they were all in vain,**

**and she waited patiently.**

**It was all the same,**

**all my pride and shame,**

**and she put me on my feet.**

**They call her love,**

**love, love, love, love.**

**They call her love,**

**love, love, love, love.**

**They call her love,**

**love, love, love, love.**

**She is love, and she is all I need.**

With great effort, I begin to walk away from her window, tearing my gaze away from her exuberant brown eyes and the beaming smile that now lights up her face as well as my world. I move to stand at the front of the house and out of my peripheral vision, I notice a few neighbors making their way out onto the street. I almost lose my nerve, but then she appears in one of the windows and the spectators disappear from my thoughts, the only thing that I can see is her.

**Cause when that world slows down, dear.**

**And when those stars burn out, here.**

**Oh, she'll be here.**

**Yes, she'll be here.**

**They call her love, love,**

**love, love, love.**

**They call her love, love,**

**love, love, love.**

**They call her love, love,**

**love, love, love.**

**She is love, and she is all I need.**

**She is love, and she is all I need.**

**She is love, and she is all I need.**

As the last words leave my lips I see Isabella disappear from the window and I hear her footsteps as she races down the stairs in the house. With urgency, I pull the guitar strap off my shoulder and place the instrument on the ground at my side just as the door swings open. Then, the strangest shit happens. It's like one of those romantic movies where everything goes quiet and moves in slow motion, where every stride she takes in my direction feels like a fucking mile until I can't stand still anymore.

I run to her, wrapping one arm swiftly around her tiny little waist and burying a hand in her hair as words rattle off my tongue.

"Fuck, I love you, Isabella and I'm sorry I waited so long. I'm so sorry…it's always been you. I've always needed you, Isabella. Even before I met you, I knew something was missing. Then, you came, and your heart collided with mine and nothing was ever the same. Do you know how crazy I've been about you since that first day-"

I think she knows, because her lips crash into mine, her strawberry essence pours into me and it's…it's everything. Her hands are roaming my back, my hands are curling in her hair, squeezing her form, and it's fucking magical, like a damn fairytale. My brain registers a cheering sound from random neighbors I've never spoken to and a series of hoots and hollers from our friends, but they're quickly forgotten when I feel one of Isabella's legs gliding up the outside of mine in an attempt to wrap around my waist. I moan into her mouth, instantly hard at the aspect of her hot tight body, and when she replies with a moan of her own I move my hand from her hair. Reaching down with both hands, I grab her ass in a firm hold, lifting her so she can squeeze me with her legs.

Then, with a lot of encouragement from the crowd, I carry her into the house and we stagger up the stairs into Isabella's room. The cheers stop and I lay her out on the bed, pulling gently on her pajama pants until they slide off her delectable body and onto the floor without making a sound. The slow motion that plagued me outside comes back, but it's actually welcome now as I run my fingers underneath her purple tank top to caress the silky smooth skin of her curvy sides. I want to take my time with her for once, to touch ever inch of her body, to love her inside and out. It's nothing I've ever experienced.

There's this feeling deep in my core, this need that I can only describe as an uncontrollable magnetic pull, as if she's a part of me, as if she completes me. A saying comes to mind as I'm pressing my body as close to hers as I can get to obtain the wonder feeling only she can provide. 'True love is your soul's recognition of it's counterpart in another'...Well, I'll be damned; I guess I'm not damned after all. Isabella whimpers encouragingly at my touch before slipping her hands between the two of us so she can undo the buttons on my shirt.

Her tiny digits move with slow precision as she warms my body with her heady scent and taste, her lips never straying from mine. When she reaches up and begins to pull back the fabric from my shoulders, her fingers leave a trail of fire making it almost impossible to focus, butsome how I find a way. I help her to dispose of the offending material and then I tug myself out of my jeans and boxers, kicking off my shoes. In need of air, I force my mouth away from hers, grazing her bottom lip momentarily with my tongue, provoking a hum of pleasure out of her. In seconds, my mouth is moving over her, nipping on her neck, sucking on her shoulder, kissing her breasts. I knead one of the warm mounds in my hand gliding my thumb across her taut pink nipple as I suck affectionately on the other.

"Edward," she moans, her voice thick with need and devotion filling me with love and pride. I press my dick into her squirming form, hoping to provoke my name to come again from her gorgeous lips.

"Edward," she whimpers, arching her back so that her breasts push into my hand and mouth, eliciting a moan from me that vibrates on her skin.

"Yes," Her hands glide along my back, pushing gently against my skin like a loving massage as I trail a hand to her heat to stroke the hot, wet skin there. It takes only seconds for her to tumble over the edge of ecstasy when I pump two fingers into her, curling them to hit the perfect spot. Her walls clench around my fingers as I lick lavishly at her nipples watching her mouth open as she cries my name in release, the morning sun dancing off her porcelain cheeks like diamonds. I stroke her lovingly; placing wet kisses on her chest and doing my best to ignore my throbbing dick as she descends from grace until a simple phrase pushes me pass my point of restraint.

"Make love to me," she whispers the words, and my insides burn with new vigor.

"Anything for you, my love…anything," I reply, placing myself so that I hover over her body. For a moment, I'm struck immobile by the vision before me. Her hair cascades across the bed, her chest heaves with panting breaths, and the thin layer of moisture on her body gives off a soft shimmer underneath the rising light of day.

"My beautiful angel," I whisper my thoughts aloud, and lean forward, placing my hand on her cheek as Isabella smiles up at me. "I love you."

It seems weird to remember that those words, just a short while ago, terrified me. It's a completely new concept, to love and cherish her openly, but she makes it as easy as breathing. I press my lips into hers one more time as I push forward and everything I ever was, everything I ever did, is meaningless. Her lips fall from mine as a sigh escapes us both and I smile down at her, locking her eyes in my sight.

"So, this is what making love feels like," I whisper softly, causing my lips to brush against hers. "I think I like it."

I chuckle lightly and Isabella giggles back until I thrust quickly forward again, causing the laughter to immediately be replaced with a deep moan.

"Oh god, Edward," I rest my forehead against hers, placing my left hand on her hip, and cradling her neck in my right as I slide out and slam forward with purpose. It's amazing, the feeling of being whole, so amazing in fact, that I lose the precious filter that I have been trying to maintain as her walls stretch and squeeze my aching cock. "Fuck, Isabella…Ugh! So good, love. Your pussy's so fucking good." I realize that my words are running ramped and I try to take deep breaths in order to push the dirty side of me back, but Isabella is not the sweet innocent girl I once knew.

"Yes, I love your dirty mouth...Faster, baby," she groans, thrusting her hips up to match my increasing rhythm and all control is forgotten.

"I thought you wanted to make love," I tease with a smirk as the hand I have on her hip travels to her ass, and I reach down to grip her tit with the other.

"You love me and I love you so technically it is making love…now fuck me, damn it!" I can't help laughing when she pants out her words, but then, her tiny hand reaches between us and I feel her fingers caressing my thighs.

"Holy shit!" I hiss, clenching my eyes shut as I thrust faster into her while her nails skim across the soft skin making my insides coil with anticipation.

I hear a giggle and my eyes snap open. "Oh, so you think you're funny now, do you?" I ask in pants, leaning back with a devilish smirk overtaking my mouth. "Let's see how funny you are when I fuck you into oblivion, love."

Gripping onto her hips, I thrust hard, easily filling her to the hilt.

"OH GOD!" She screams, her arms flying up to the headboard and her back arching off the bed. With a cocky grin plastered on my face, I lean forward and lap at one of her nipples while I rock into her, massaging her ass roughly.

"Ed-Edward…oh, yes, ugh!" Isabella cries out, clinging to the headboard so tightly that her fingers are turning white.

"That's it, love. Scream for me," I growl, lifting her enough with my thrust so that I can smack her ass.

She's teetering on the edge of climax, I can feel her pussy pulsing, and it makes my cock ache for it's own release. Wanting desperately for her to cum with me, I whisper into her ear, my voice low and husky. "Ugh! Fuck…you're so close, Isabella. I can feel your pussy throbbing. Did you know that, love? That I can fucking feel you squeezing my cock."

I nibble on her earlobe as her body begins to shake as if she's going to explode. Her hands find their way to my hair, where her fingers pull and tug and I'm so far gone that I can barely tell that my scalp is still sore. As my thrusts become frantic and my cock stiffens inside of her I release her skin from my mouth to let out a deep guttural moan.

"God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whimpers in reply and as if by some form of magic, those three simple words nudge us both over the edge. I slam into her one final time releasing in her as her walls clamp down on me and then, it's quiet... for the briefest blip in time, it's completely silent and as strange as it may seem I'm somehow sure, that it is the sound of two souls colliding and merging as one.


	19. Destiny

Chapter 19

Destiny

"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to make you do it."~ Henry Miller

BPOV

A barrage of conflicting emotions fills me as I walk through the crowded campus of Stanford University. I'm sad that the summer is over, excited for my first day of college, and nervous, so very, very nervous. The warmth in my palms grows, my heart thuds with anxiety, but the throbbing of a pulse beneath my fingers keeps me steady. The sky is a stunning cloudless blue, and the air tastes of knowledge and opportunity. Yet I feel that whatever I learn behind these historic buildings' sturdy walls will be of little importance compared to the person holding my hand, Edward.

It's almost impossible to believe that a couple of months ago I was a shy girl from Forks, WA. I would have done anything to avoid confrontation, including spending every minute of my time living in between the pages of a book. I had only one friend to speak of, and life was little more than days spent trying to avoid my ex and quiet evenings in bed by myself. I never knew that it could be like this. Living is so much more now. It's a roller coaster of difficulties, a never-ending battle with unbelievable rewards; rewards that I never envisioned for myself like wonderful friends, who have become more like family, and a boyfriend, who seems to fit better into the category of soul mate.

Edward's fingers squeeze mine before his thumb traces circles on the back of my hand. A shiver runs down my spine when I think of what those magnificent hands are capable of and it's all I can do to keep myself walking. It wouldn't be smart of me to ditch the first day of classes, even if it was to have mind-blowing sex.

"Well, I guess this is my stop," Emmett announces as we reach the athletics building.

He turns to look at Jasper, Edward, and me then gives me his best 'I want something' pout. I have no idea when I first started noticing Emmett's super human ability to guilt people into things. Somehow, the man-child is very good at it though. It's impressive to watch, frightening, but impressive. The only one he can't seem to get a hold on is Rosalie. I have a feeling that they go together so well because Rose dishes out what Emmett can't get from anyone else, she doesn't let him get away with shit.

"What do you want?" I ask with a sigh, not willing to fight him as long as what he wants isn't too outrageous. I don't care how awesome he says it is I am not streaking with him.

"Could you make me some burritos tonight, my amazing, oh so fantastic, Bella Boo?" He asks with his puppy-dog eyes in full on assault mode. Flattery is one of his ultimate weapons and combined with his sorrow-filled puppy face, he could probably convince the leaders of the known world to come together and bring about peace to human kind. Instead, he uses his powers for evil and burritos. What he doesn't know is that I am already planning to make burritos tonight so his pleas are useless, making it easy to deny him for my own selfish entertainment. It's my first day of college I deserve a good laugh.

"Absolutely not, it takes way too long to cook," I complain, giving Edward's hand a quick squeeze, allowing him to get a few jabs at Emmett. Edward already knows what is going on this evening. In fact, he's not all that thrilled about my cooking dinner for everybody, he never is, but that's only because he can't have me all to himself. I can't say that I blame him, I rather enjoy our alone time as well.

"Yeah, Em, get Rose to cook you burritos. My Isabella's got enough shit to worry about without making your fat ass dinner," Edward adds with a touch of real annoyance in his voice.

My Isabella…I shiver slightly and my pussy throbs, it's an involuntary response. It happens whenever I hear Edward use his new name of choice for me. There's just something about the fact that he feels as possessive of me as I do for him. I've even taken to calling him 'My Edward' a few times, though it seems to have a much stronger reaction in him. I learned quickly not to call him that in public unless I want to be fucked five ways from Sunday in front of an audience.

"You know Rosie sucks at cooking!" Emmett whines.

I hold back the urge to laugh when Emmett stomps his feet a couple of times and I do a good job of it until Jasper, always quick to catch on as if he can feel the emotions in the atmosphere, jumps in.

"I wonder what Rose will think about what you just said," Jasper says, pulling out his phone. "I'm sure she'll stop sucking something when I tell her."

I can't hold back the short snort that escapes me causing my cheeks to burn hot with embarrassment. I have to bury my face in Edward's chest to stop myself from cracking up with laughter as I listen to Emmett beg for mercy.

"Oh shit, no. Come on, Jasper. Please don't call Rosie. She'll kill me. Do you really want to be responsible for my death? Can you deal with my blood on your conscious?"

Just then, the timer on my watch goes off, informing me that I have 10 minutes left until class, which seems to remind Emmett that he has practice. He walks off grumbling inaudibly, kicking the ground with his feet in disappointment, and the moment he disappears out of sight the three of us break out in a fit of laughter. When we finally calm down, I only have a few minutes to make it to class and very little time to be with Edward.

"I'll see you guys later," Jasper says, giving us a smile and a wave before jogging off, leaving the two of us alone.

Without warning, Edward leans towards me and captures my lips in a deep, passionate kiss. My eyes close contently and I feel his arm slump as he lets our backpacks slide off his arm onto the cool cement. My legs wobble beneath me, trembling with the intensity of his kiss, and I grip onto his shirt with both hands to keep from falling as his arms envelop me. I know there's something I have to do, something important, but I can't remember what it is, not with Edward this close, not with the smell of cinnamon and honey fogging my mind. The love and affection pouring out of him consumes every inch of me as his tongue runs over mine causing my undoing. I completely lose my focus, and I moan loudly into his mouth just as I hear the sound of a gruff male voice.

"Get a room!"

Immediately, I remember where I am, where I'm suppose to be. I feel Edward's lips pulling away as I let out a deep sigh.

"I-, I have to get to class," I whisper unsteadily as I open my eyes, releasing his shirt from my tight grip.

"I know," he says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I just wanted to make sure you remember me when all the guys in class start hitting on you."

I shake my head slightly as I let out a laugh.

"Trust me; I couldn't ever forget Edward "The Sex God" Cullen. You just make sure you keep those other girls away from what's mine."

My cheeks burn red when I realize what I called him and his lips turn up into a huge smirk.

"Sex God, hmm…" he ponders the words out loud as he picks up my bag and hands it to me. "I've barely even begun, my Isabella."

Another shiver runs through me as he turns me in the direction of my class and gives me a swift smack on the ass. I squeal in surprise, my blush darkening when I remember something.

"What about the girls?" I yell out to his slowly retreating figure. He turns his head in my direction and gives me a wink before strolling off towards the music building. "Edward! That's not funny, Edward!" My phone goes off and I reach for it, it's a message from him, of course.

**What about them? I'm forever yours, love, forever and always.**

Three hours later we're both happily reunited and driving home in Edward's Volvo. At least, that's where I think we're going until Edward takes a certain exit. The sun is low and it's late in the afternoon when we park on the grassy hill. Dinner isn't until eight, so I don't complain, we have time to spare. Edward opens my door for me and pulls a blanket from the car.

"Since when do we need a blanket?" I ask him, giggling softly when he tries to spread it out on the ground and it twists in the air. He ignores my question and after several botched attempts, I help him straighten the blanket out and we sit on the ground, my head resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapping tightly around me. The air cools as the sun begins to settle on the ocean and Edward, who has been silent since our arrival, finally speaks.

"I told Siobhan that the nightmares aren't happening as often anymore and he says that I'm making incredible progress. He even thinks that I may be able to get through this without medication, which he says is almost unheard of in cases like mine."

"That's great," I say, looking up at him through my lashes with a warm smile on my face. He peers down at me and his eyes are soft, sparkling in the disappearing light.

"I couldn't have done any of it without you," he whispers, smoothing back my hair with his long fingers. "That's not true; you had it in you all along, Edward. You just needed a shove in the right direction."

A small laugh escapes him as he strokes my cheek, sending a wave of heat through my body.

"I wouldn't call it a shove. You ran into me while running through an empty hallway. I still think you planned it."

"Hey!" I exclaim, leaning back and smacking his thigh playfully. "I told you before that I didn't do it on purpose."

"Alright, alright," he concedes, holding up his hands in surrender before pulling me back into his hold.

"What were you doing in the hallway anyway?" I ask, genuinely curious. He looks at me as if contemplating telling me or not. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach at his unease and I'm not quite sure I even want to know anymore. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, I want to. I have a feeling that you're going to think I'm crazy though," he responds, reaching for my hand to intertwine our fingers together, unraveling the knot in my stomach.

"Edward, I convinced you to have sex with me in an attempt to save you from yourself. If anyone is crazy here it's me." I joke and he nods, chuckling in agreement.

"I heard a voice…," he admits, avoiding my eyes. "I had just left the principal's office after receiving another lecture about skipping. I was almost to my class when I heard this voice saying, 'stop, Edward'. I'd never heard the voice before, and it was quiet, almost non-existent. I looked around and no one was there. I thought I was truly losing my mind, and then, you came running around the corner."

I wait for Edward to look at me again. When he does, I can't resist asking the question that has been burning in my mind for years.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"The truth?" he questions and I nod my head. "I wanted to. It could have been anyone, and I would have done the same thing. I just needed for something to be real."

A sigh falls from my lips as my head falls in sadness. There's an ache in my stomach at the disappointing revelation, but what else could I have expected him to say. It's not as if he would say that I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he felt obligated to kiss me.

"Isabella-" he starts to say something when he realizes that I'm upset, but I cut him off.

"It's okay. You don't have to explain, I get it. I know I'm not a supermodel or anything like Rosalie. I have you now, that's all that matters."

Suddenly, I feel his fingers under my chin, lifting my face to his.

"I didn't care enough at the time to notice it, but that doesn't change the fact that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, love. That kiss altered me. You rarely left my thoughts after that and if I hadn't been so stubborn I would have realized how much I needed you in my life a lot sooner."

I try to believe him, but it's hard. I know I'll never be beautiful enough for him. I nod my head, pretending I'm okay. Edward doesn't believe that shit though. He closes the distance between us, his lips finding purchase on mine as he leans me back carefully onto the blanket. His tongue invades my mouth and a fire grows inside me as his hands trail across my sides, underneath my shirt. With a growl, he removes it, releasing my lips. I try to pull at his clothes, but he won't allow it, instead he proceeds to rid me of mine until finally I'm naked and panting with need and frustration.

"Look at me, my Isabella," he says with a desperate tone, groping my tits. "These are beautiful. Can you see how my hands fit perfectly around them? It's as if your tits were made for my hands."

I let out a moan and he grazes my nipples with his thumbs.

"They're exquisite, love, you're exquisite," his hands travel down to my ass and he lifts it off of the ground enough to give it a good hard smack as I groan out his name. "Your ass is flawless, firm and rounded. I love to smack it when I'm pounding into you from behind and it looks even more fantastic marked up with my hand-prints."

His hands move to my thighs and I start to squirm in hopes of his fingers moving closer to where I want him, but he doesn't move an inch.

"Please," I whimper. "Say it, Isabella, say that you're beautiful," he whispers, rubbing my thighs.

His eyes are glossy with adoration as if he's gazing at the most glorious painting in the world and it's hard to deny what he's suggesting.

"Say that you're beautiful and I'll make you feel so good, my love," he leans forward and licks my nipple and then sucks it into my mouth and my sanity is gone.

"I'm beautiful," I pant, grabbing his face and pulling him up level with me. His lips crash onto mine and a deep groan drifts from his mouth as I slide him out of his pants and boxers and wrap my hand around his cock. I stroke his length and he gasps for air, freeing my lips so that I can whisper softly to him.  
"Forever,"

"Always," he responds, leaning back to remove his shirt before yanking my hand away and plunging into me.

I cry out his name when he hits a spot that makes my toes curl. His hands never leave my body, roaming along my tits, my waist, and my sides. An image drifts to my thoughts and even though it takes every ounce of my strength, I force him back until I'm on my knees, straddling his waist, and he's sitting up with his arms wrapped around me. His face is straining with pleasure at the new position and he grunts out my name, filling me with a sense of accomplishment. It's so deep, this way, but slowly I'm able to increase my speed with Edward's guidance.

"That's it, love, fuck…," he growls, squeezing my ass in his hands.

"Ed-Edward, shit," I whimper, pressing my fingers into his shoulders as I slide over him.

"Yes, Isabella! Fucking ride my cock." I throw my head back and Edward's mouth wraps around one of my taut nipples as I scream into the wilderness, drowning out the slap of the waves in the ocean with my thrusts.

"Yes! Holy fucking god, I love you! FUCK!"

"I love you too, baby, so much," Edward pants, thrusting in time with me as my stomach twists and curls with my approaching climax.

"Al- Almost," I groan, increasing my speed.

"Good girl, cum on my cock, Isabella," he moans and I feel his finger slip down the crack of my ass, pausing just short of entering as if to ask for permission. My eyes flash with spots at the overwhelming feeling and in a moment of sheer pleasure, I scream out.

"Yes! Yes, do it, please. I'm so fucking close," He slides the tip of his finger in and I'm seeing stars, it's just the right size, it feels fucking phenomenal.

"Oh my fucking god, that's amazing, deeper, Edward, deeper," I plead and he does just as I ask.

"Shit, your so fucking tight like this. I'm going to cum, baby," he growls, thrusting up hard as he fucks my ass with his finger while his cock stiffens, and that's all it takes.

"Fuck!" Edward howls, exploding inside of me as we both shudder with release, the sun fading in the distance.

He kisses me as we both pant with exhaustion until we're able to disentangle ourselves and dress. We curl up onto the blanket, gazing up at the night stars, our hands intertwined, my head resting on his chest.

"Do you believe in fate?" I ask after laying in silence for a while.

"I'm not sure, maybe. Why?" Edward replies.

"Because that collision led to the most wonderful life I could have ever imagined. It led me to my destiny, to you. An event that led to something so spectacular has to have been fate." I look into his eyes and he smiles at me.

"Makes sense," he agrees.

"Home?" I ask and he nods, bringing himself to his feet before helping me up and engulfing me in a tight hug.

"You are my home," he whispers.

"I'll love you forever"

"And I'll love you always, my beautiful Isabella."

He kisses my forehead softly and we head to the car, hand in hand. As people say, if fate means you to lose, give 'em a good fight anyhow. Well, we collided with fate, we fought, and we lost, and life couldn't possibly be any better.


	20. Epilogue: The End of The Beginning

Epilogue- 6 years later

The End of The Beginning

"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."~ Winston Churchill

EPOV

The last chords of my original composition ring out just as the school bell chimes and children begin to scatter. It's a beautiful piece, one I've worked very hard on, but as much as the kids appreciate it, they're quick to scatter the moment they're free of school restraints. I try to maintain some sort of control over the teenagers, who are at least 7 years younger than I am, with little success. Without even looking in my direction, most of them pack up their things and rush from the room, ignoring my shouts.

A small set of girls surround me as always though, asking borderline retarded questions while they flip their hair and giggle, flirting unabashedly. It's pathetic really that they somehow believe I'm interested in an affair that would not only cost me my job, but my marriage. I love my wife unconditionally and I would never hurt her like that. My bachelor days ended 6 years ago when Isabella agreed to marry me. Well, actually, they were over the moment my eyes locked on hers, it just took me a while to realize it. Once I did, the dating phase was short lived; I was desperate to get a ring on her finger, to make it official.

_We pulled the Volvo into the driveway behind Alice's Porsche and cut the engine. With just one glance, I knew Esme had truly outdone herself. The Cullen house was decked out for Christmas and everywhere you looked, there were twinkling lights, beautifully arranged wreaths, and flawlessly symmetrical bows. Even the snow on the ground appeared as if it was placed there in decoration. Overall, it was a winter wonderland and the perfect place to make her mine. The ring in my pocket felt_   
_heavy and I was anxious to take it out, but not because I was afraid, I simply wanted to claim the prize sitting in my passenger seat. I watched out of the corner of my eye as her hands began to fidget._

_"What's wrong?" I asked her, reaching out to take her left hand, which would hopefully be bare for only a short time longer._

_"What if they don't like me?"_

_"Um, you've already met my parents, Isabella_ , several times," _I replied, arching one of my eyebrows in a questioning gaze. She rolled her eyes at me and let out a sigh._

_"I know that, it's just I haven't met them as your girlfriend. What if they don't like me for you?" It happened in the blink of an eye; a laugh escaped me and she slapped me on the arm._

_"It's not funny!" She whimpered._

_"You're right, it's hilarious," I said between chuckles. However, Isabella was not amused. As she gazed out the front window, she pulled her hand from mine and crossed her arms, quickly bringing me out of my idiotic state._

_"My Isabella," a sigh escaped me as I lifted my hand up and placed my palm against her cheek, turning her head back to face me. "They're crazy about you and even if they don't think you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, though I'm sure they do, the only thing that matters is that I do."_

_I leaned forward then to capture her lips with mine. A deep moan fell from her as we connected_ and _for a few seconds, the world slipped away. Christmas dinner freshman year of college was an event to remember, I don't think there had ever been so much laughter and joy at one table. I stole kisses and caresses of my Isabella as Alice and Jasper talked about their wedding plans for the spring. Jasper had finally popped the question on their anniversary a few months earlier, in October. Alice was beyond ecstatic and completely immersed in planning every detail. Rose and Emmett were visiting with the Hales to share their own epic news._

 _A few weeks before, they found out that Rose was pregnant. After the initial shock wore off the_ two _of them became overjoyed with the new development. It was a blessing in disguise considering that Rosalie had been told from a young age that she might never have children of her own. The McCarty's were informed immediately and were thrilled at the prospect of being grandparents, but Rosalie was fearful of her own parents' reactions so they decided to keep it from them until they could see them in person._

_They weren't very happy at first, but 9 months later, they were floored when Emmett got down on one knee in the hospital room just after Rose gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. As the evening was ending, I fingered the ring in my pocket. It had taken a long time to decide the right location. I wanted my family around when I asked her, but at the same time, I wanted the experience to be something intimate. In the end, I decided on the piano room, the place where I found her that first night, isolated from the others. Besides, Esme never failed to ask me to play something on Christmas._

_"Would you play us something, Edward?" Esme questioned after clearing off the table._

_I gave her a bright smile and led the way to the piano room, where everyone crowded around the baby grand_. _I pulled Isabella onto the bench seat next to me, and it was difficult enough to make it through my rendition of 'Silent Night' with her so close without my thoughts entirely focused on the tiny circular object in my pocket, but somehow I succeeded. When the song was done, I swiftly stood and positioned myself behind her. I brought myself down to one knee and excluding a squeal from Alice and a gasp from Esme, the room fell silent as Isabella turned to see what I was doing. Her gaze traveled to my face and I saw her eyes fill with tears at the sight of me. Slowly, I pulled the ring out, holding it in front of me as I reached for her left hand._

_"My beautiful Isabella, I know it's only been a short time since we came together and we have a lot ahead of us, but some things are just meant to be. Call it fate, call it destiny, it all means the same; you're it for me. I once made you promise not to fall in love with me and denied myself the same, but now I'm begging you to take this ring and break that promise permanently so that I can make you a new one. Isabella Marie Swan, I promise to love you forever…every single moment of forever, will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me?"_

_Exactly like the last time we were in that room Isabella was left speechless. Tears spilled out of her eyes while she nodded her head in agreement and my smile grew infinitely wider as I slid that ring on her finger. It fit perfectly, just like the two of us._

"There's only two weeks left until the concert so I want you all practicing at home! That includes you, James!" James, the cocky little bastard with a blonde ponytail, gives me a smirk before stowing his instrument away, clearly disobeying my request as I shake my head. I hate the little shit, but he plays a mean cello. After a few minutes, the room is empty, leaving me just seconds to catch my breath before I leave for the day.

Normally, I would stick around for a while, but tonight is no ordinary night in the Cullen home, its September 13th, which means it Isabella's 25th birthday. I quickly drive home and when I step out of my new Volvo and onto the driveway of our quaint Forks, WA home, I'm trapped by a set of tiny arms.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

The bronze curls on my daughter's head bounce as she latches onto my leg and after closing the gate of our white picket fence I pick her up into my arms and she kisses my cheek.

"I taught Rufus to sit today all by myself," she says, looking at me with her chocolate brown eyes that are sparkling with pride. When she turned 3 last month, we finally got her a dog, a chocolate lab that she named Rufus. He's young still, a puppy, which is difficult to handle with a 6-month-old baby. It's worth it though because Annabelle adores him.

"Annabelle Marie Cullen, do you always have to attack your father when he comes home?"

I gaze at the glorious image before me; my wife, standing in the doorway, cradling my son. She has barely had time to change from her latest therapy session and her hair is still in a sharp bun. I'm so proud of her, helping others like me every day. My son's green eyes are bright with infant happiness and his wispy brown hair is growing longer every day. He's stretching out his tiny hands to me and when I get to the door, Annabelle hops down out of my arms and I grab him from his mother, giving her a short, sweet kiss.

"You better go get cleaned up, Sweetie. Everyone will be here for dinner soon," I say to Annabelle, who's already busy playing with Rufus again.

"And you, my beautiful Isabella, need to pack the kids' overnight bags." I whisper to my wife, running my free hand down her side.

She appears confused, but after a moment, the light flickers on in her mind and she gives me a beaming smile before disappearing. On special occasions I sometimes plan for the kids to stay at my parents, it makes it a lot easier to fuck my wife properly with them away. Anthony babbles incoherently at me just as I see the first vehicle, a silver SUV, pull up.

Lilly is the first out of the SUV, her long blonde hair and ice blue eyes match her mother's to a 'T' and when she passes by me she coos at the baby. Recently she's started getting into Rosalie's make-up and I can see a bit of left over red nail polish on her hands. I told Emmett it would happen soon. He's lucky he made it 6 years before she began playing with make-up when she has Rose for a mother.

I'm hoping that Annabelle will at least make it to 7 before she shows any interest in that stuff. Make-up leads to attention from boys, and boys lead to trouble. Rose steps out of the car next, quickly followed by Emmett who rushes to her side. After years of trial and error, she's well through her second pregnancy, another little girl that they are going to name Violet. The doctors say that they'll have to do a complete hysterectomy after this one, but the two of them are just happier then ever to have the opportunity to raise another kid.

I honestly think that Emmett doesn't even mind not having a boy. He's around them all the time as it is. After his brief stint playing professional football for the Seahawks, he injured himself and since he couldn't go back to playing, he took up the head coach position at the local high school where he works with me. He seems to be extremely happy there.

Alice's white Audi emerges on the drive and she steps out with Jasper. They both give a wave and then they start to unbuckle the twins from their booster seats as Rosalie grills Alice about the boutique. Since she got stuck on bed rest, Rose hasn't been able to go into work, leaving my sister to run the shop. Alice does a great job holding it up, but Rose, being Rose, is crazy as ever about it. Ashley and Jackson both run over when their finally free of their seats and Ashley begins to tickle and play with the baby in my arms.

"He's so cute!" Ashley squeals. "But his socks don't match. He's got on red socks with a blue onesie, Mommy! That doesn't match."

I shake my head at the absurdness of my 4-year-old niece. Her short black hair and green eyes aren't the only things that make her my sister's mini me. Jackson seems more interested in Rufus who is running around with Lilly and Annabelle then clothes though. I barely see his blonde hair and blue eyes as he makes his way pass me. I always find it funny how different they look from each other, no one would ever guess that their fraternal twins.

"Where are mom and dad?" Alice asks, giving me a hug. Just as the words leave her mouth, the black Mercedes appears.

The children, followed closely by Rufus, attack Esme and Carlisle the moment they step out of the car. The house is already beginning to fill up when Charlie arrives in the cruiser with Sue, who's missing Seth terribly. Seth moved to New York recently after graduating college. He's working at a high-end company there, making very good money. Sue's thrilled for him, but she's sad that he's gone. The kids are just about calm when Leah and Jacob show up with Emily in tow.

Emily has brown eyes and brown hair the same color as warm chocolate and her disposition is just as sweet. It's too bad that she has shit for parents. The divorce is impending, we can all see it coming, poor kid. In all actuality, it's for the best though. Jacob and Leah don't belong together, anyone could have told you that after what happened at mine and Isabella's wedding 5 years ago.

 _The sun was setting on the pacific on a warm summer afternoon, but I saw very little of it. My back was towards the ocean as I stood atop our grassy hill and watched my angel walk down the aisle to me. She looked radiant in a strapless white gown that trailed behind her, her hair in gorgeous curls. Our family and friends were seated in two small groups of chairs aside the walkway where Isabella had her arm entwined with her father's arm. They walked to the gentle sound of the ocean as Isabella's mother and Esme sobbed together. They cried throughout the ceremony, but I heard very little of their quiet cries after I took my Isabella's hand. We exchanged quick I dos before I wrapped my arms around her and devoured her lips. Soft tears fell from her eyes when I pulled away and all was right with the world. There was a tiny reception on the grass, where we laid out blankets and candles and had a picnic of cheese, bread, and other things. It was beautiful and peaceful until the atmosphere was broken by_ Jacob _'s shouts._

_"You're fucking kidding me, right? Please, tell me you're joking." We all watched as Leah began to cry. Jacob was making a scene, yelling at her in front of everyone._

_"I-, I'm sorry. It's just-, she's who you want, Jacob. I'm tired of being second best! I figured that if I stopped taking the pill…if I got pregnant, that you would finally want me, love me, like you love her."_

_"I never wanted you, Leah. I only wanted to fuck you that was it!" He screamed. "And if she hadn't walked in and found me nailing the shit out of you, I never would have fucking stuck with you. I would have gone back to Bells and that would have been that. You were cheap and I wanted a good fuck. Bells couldn't fuck worth a shit, but that didn't mean that I wasn't crazy in love with her, and yes, I still am."_

_I had no problem with the argument until it got to the shit about my Isabella. I noticed Isabella's cheeks as they turned bright red and she stared down at the ground, avoiding eye contact with anyone, not wanting to meet their questioning gazes. He'd made my extraordinary wife feel inadequate, and there was no way in fucking hell that I was going to put up with that._

_"Maybe you just weren't doing it right because I think she's a fucking goddess in bed," I declared, pulling myself to my feet. "Especially when she digs her nails into my back," I continued as I walked over to him. "It feels fantastic when she does that. I love it when she's so high off her orgasm that she_ _tumbles to pieces in my arms."_

_And you know what the best part is, Jacob?" I asked him, coming to a stop with my face just inches away from his. "When she screams my name as I take her places you never even dreamed of before."_

_"Oh yeah, well how does it feel to know my dick was inside her first?" Jacob replied with a smirk. He wanted to play dirty. Well, he started it so I figured might as well finish it. Isabella happened to have told me something perfect for this special occasion._

_"How does it feel to know that she was thinking about me when you had your pathetic excuse of a dick inside of her?" I asked, with a grin. His reflexes were fast, but mine were faster. I dodged his fist and thrust mine into his face until I heard the sound of his nose breaking. It felt good, damn good_.  
 _Emmett and Jasper grabbed a hold of him before he could retaliate and escorted him away as his sniveling, pregnant girlfriend ran after. It was not how I wanted our reception to go, but Isabella often gets a good laugh at the pictures now._

After everyone calms down, we make our way inside to a delicious dinner, a noisy, but none-the-less delicious dinner. Jacob and Leah remain quiet a majority of the time as the rest of us talk about Jasper's new job at the museum studying civil war artifacts, and Carlisle's early retirement that is fast approaching. When the party begins to break up Esme and Alice go over ideas for the new nursery at Rose's house, and Emmett talks about sports with Charlie. While Sue, Jasper, Isabella, and I watch the little ones while talking about the new park there putting in down the street.

Once everything is cleaned up and put away, we say our goodbyes to everyone. Carlisle and Esme are the last to leave with Anthony, Annabelle, and Rufus in tow. The moment the door closes, I give my wife a mischievous grin.

"The playroom?" I question, reaching up to trail a thumb along her cheek.

Isabella gives me a nod and heads down to the basement to wait for me. Over the years, we've taken a liking to some wild things. It's not anything extreme, just some bondage and domination. We try to save it only for special occasions; it tends to keep things interesting, even though it's pretty much always interesting with Isabella. I strip myself of my clothes, tossing them to the floor before making my way down the stairs. She's waiting there for me, kneeling on the red silk sheets of our play bed, head down, and arms behind her back, completely naked.

"Good girl," I coo, walking over to the side of the bed. I stretch my arm out and run a hand along her soaking wet slit as she lets out a deep moan. "You're soaking…did you miss me today, my Isabella?"

I tease while sliding a finger into her pussy. She nods her head, whimpering slightly as I press my thumb to her clit.

"Look at me, baby," I tell her, pushing a second finger into her. Her eyes lock onto mine and I twist my fingers inside of her, causing her eyes to roll back. Leaning forward I capture her earlobe in my mouth and suck on it softly before whispering in her ear.

"Talk to me, love. Tell me how much you love my fingers deep inside your tight pussy,"

"Oh god, Edward," she moans, shaking on her knees from the sensation when I curl my fingers.

"Ah, ah, ah," I chastise, quickly removing my hand. "Did we forget something, my Isabella?" She whimpers in desperation the moment my fingers leave her skin, which causes me quite a bit of joy, but I hide my amusement as I smack her ass in punishment.

"UGH!" She cries at the sting of my strike, and then recovers quickly. "Please, my Edward, please let me cum."

My cock twitches wildly at the use of her private name for me. Mine…she is mine and I am hers, the way it was always meant to be.

"Is that what you really want, beautiful, to cum on my fingers?" Slowly, I run my tongue along her neck down to her perky pink nipples. "There are so many other things I could do to you." "

Fuck!" She screams when I flick my tongue over the taut peak, her legs quivering with the threat of release.

"Tell me and I'll let you cum, my Isabella. Just tell me what is it that you want." I suck her nipple into my mouth, twirling my tongue around it as Isabella cries out.

"Everything! I want your lips on my pussy, your fingers buried deep inside of me, and your cock filling me. Please, my Edward, please!"

I release her nipple and push her back on the bed so that I can dive into her creamy center. She tastes like strawberries and when she pulls on my hair, I growl into her sopping wet heat.

"YES! Yes!" Her legs tremble as they fall on my shoulders and I bring my hand up to fuck her pussy with my fingers.

I feel like I'm about to explode, but it's her birthday and I will give her everything she wants today. She clutches my hair as I push my fingers inside of her, moving them with accurate precision. I suck her clit into my mouth and roll it with my tongue, egging on her release.

"Fuck, that's it, my Edward! So close," She screams, pushing her pussy against my face. Unable to stop myself, I reach down and begin to stroke my cock as I growl against her skin. Her pussy throbs, her backs arches and she cums hard. "Edward!"

"Mine!" I snarl, when I pull my face away. Her eyes travel down to where my hand grips my cock and her eyes light up. She scrambles to kneel on the floor and starts teasing me with her tongue as I continue moving across my length until finally she sucks my cock fully into her mouth.

"Holy fuck, I love it when you fuck me with your mouth, baby. God, it feels so fucking good," I hiss, forcing myself to hold back.

"Play with yourself for me, love. I want to watch you fuck yourself while you suck on me."

Her hand travels down between her legs as I grip onto her hair and guide her along my length and it's too much, it's much too much. I detach her from me by pulling on her hair before I shove her face down into the mattress. Gripping her ass with both hands, I plunge into her as I release a deep guttural moan.

"Oh, fuck," Her hands grip the sheets as she cries out my name.

"Oh, my Ed-Edward!"

"Yes, baby, all yours. Fuck!" I moan, pumping in and out of her as I slide my thumb closer and closer to her back entrance.

"And you're mine! Always mine!" I growl, pushing my thumb in just as her walls start to throb and my insides coil.

"MINE!" I lean forward and sink my teeth into her back and she tumbles over the edge, screaming my name as her pussy squeezes my cock relentlessly. My thrusts become deep and manic before I release inside of her, filling her while marking her in the very same spot I marked her once before, years ago when she was just a quiet nervous girl and I was broken inside. Before I knew what fate would have in store. Passion, healing, love, and my Isabella.


End file.
